Side Effects

When I first read 'Fifty Shades', my mouth was mostly open with wonder, anticipation and incredulity. I'm not sure what the percentages were. My heartbeat increased in line with my excitement. I know that much.

As I read, I kept giving Dan furtive glances. I suppose I was trying to imagine him in the role of Christian. I can remember licking my lips and realising that I bite my bottom lip just like Ana. Apparently, according to Dan, it is something I have done all my life.

I think I was wondering how it could be that there was this alternative lifestyle that no-one had ever told me about. A lifestyle so far removed from what we had, that it sent my senses reeling. 

It wasn't the sex. Okay, Dan doesn't suspend me from the ceiling, or tie me to the four corners of the bed. But we have pretty hot sex, 

and we always have had, in some shape or form. We still laugh with a certain couple, who we have known forever - I grew up with her, lived across the fields from her, rode horses with her - and we are Godparents to each other's children. We used to have this joke, and still do, about leaping off wardrobes, or sliding down banisters. Silly, huh, at our ages?

And let me remind you, Christian Grey and folk like him didn't invent such sex. They only brought it to the notice of the public. Or at least, P L James did.

But the spanking part. I thought the only available spanking in such circles was performed by female dommes dressed in leather and wielding whips. 

Silly me. If only I had known earlier. After all, you do need a certain amount of flexibility for certain things, and sadly, as you grow older, your flexibility diminishes somewhat.

Spanking for us, now that I am happily in the know about it, and have seen fit to ensure that Dan is also in the know, has made a difference to our lives that I never foresaw.

The effects have been like ripples spreading out from a stone cast into a pool. They go on and on, and instead of lessening, they grow in strength, forging a bond between us we never knew would exist.

It's not all been a walk in the park. The going has been tough from time to time, and no doubt we will continue to have those moments when nothing goes right, and spanking is pushed to one side because neither of us has the time or the inclination. But the fact is this, we cannot do without it, and if this inadvertently happens, we both suffer withdrawal symptoms, and it is such a relief to return to what has become our normal way of life.

What we hadn't anticipated were the side effects of the spanking lifestyle. I suppose all I could think about in the beginning were questions like How often? How hard? When? and Where? Should I enjoy it? Should I hate it? Should Dan enjoy it? Ha!

Initially it was very difficult not to guide; to direct; to control. I expected Dan to understand all the intricate detail, regardless of the fact that I was the one who had done all the reading, all the research. Suddenly poor Dan was meant to be Superman, Flash Gordon and every other superhero you can think of, rolled into one.

Well. He is not. He never will be. And for anyone expecting their husband to change into one of these figments of the imagination, they will be very disappointed. I soon learned that life, and spanking, do not supply instant superheroes.

But not to fear. It is better than that.

Instead, we have the bonus of the side effects. And wow!

I suppose this is where I could do a quick SWOT analysis. Or I could try to divide them into benefits and disadvantages. But I would not  know where to begin. Each day brings these side effects, and they constantly alter and evolve.

Everyone who looks at, and considers, the side effects of the spanking lifestyle will have different ways of looking at them, and different reactions. All I can do is give some examples, and how Dan and I react to them.

There are the obvious side effects like pain and reaction to pain, (such as kicking your husband in the jaw, or as in one case I seem to remember, a wife who bit her husband in the leg). 

I am a wimp, I freely admit. Unless I get a steady build up (warm up) to pain, I squeal loudly and you would think, if you happened to be passing our bedroom window, that a murder was being committed. Yet some of our fun spankings have resulted in broken implements. So I leave you to draw your own conclusions from that.

Hard spanking is something I can take or leave. 

In the disciplinary sense, I can happily leave it. I am never allowed to do so, and it is something I do not enjoy. Luckily we rarely need to venture into this territory any more. The remedy has worked!

So that brings me on to crying. It is a subject people often skirt around, but I like to meet these challenges head on. I may address it in another post, as it has been a while since I remember reading much about tears. I personally think a good cry is good for you. Dan will happily tell me to let it all out. He used to be terrified when I would burst into loud wails and uncontrollable sobs. But now he knows it is not only my reaction to being paddled for something I am ashamed of, but also it acts as a release valve for my pent up stress and emotions. (I sometimes cry because it hurts too!)

Dan much prefers giving me hard good girl spankings,

instead of having to redden my butt to remind me to check my smart mouth. Nevertheless, on the occasions when I do have a good cry, it is recognised as part of the process, and nothing to feel concerned about. 

Spanking gives us both a renewed vitality.

The side effects we never knew about when we started out, are that we eat better, have better sex, and sleep better when a significant spanking, of any variety, has taken place. It brings serenity and harmony, it relieves stress, it causes us to care more about each other in so many ways, even when we are apart. It's become symbiotic.

The latest side effect or offshoot in the Starsong household is that Dan has started giving me four or five harder spanks on the rear end if he feels my snarky side is gaining the upper hand. Particularly when in the kitchen. He delights in backing me into a corner and walloping me over my jeans sufficient to get an apology and a squeak. (You should hear the squeak - it's a sound to behold!) I tell him that one day someone is going to be in the process of coming to our backdoor and then he will be caught red-handed. Literally.

For those of you who are new to this, and may be struggling a little with letting go. Just do it. Let the cards fall where they may. You won't be sorry. We're not.

Dan and Maintenance

After one of the most stressful summers on record, closely followed by an autumn that shows all signs of toppling that record, I paused amongst the ironing when I heard an anguished shriek come from the barn last night, where Dan had ventured to retrieve a bottle of wine. I'll not repeat what he said, but suffice to say it is not very printable.

He had switched the lights on and they didn't work. 

He soon found out that nothing electrical worked.

That included our large upright freezer.

No lights twinkled on the control panel, and he discovered that the 'trip-switch' had tripped, thus shutting off the power supply.

When he'd switched it back on he waded through the 'flood' waters and opened the door to be met by a vile waterfall of horrid smelly liquid. He swore a bit more and I had the vapours on the spot.

Had this happened next week, we would have been away on holiday. So I suppose there are small mercies.

Back in the house I had a 'falling apart' session, which I haven't had for a good while. I used the opportunity to say rather more than I had at first intended, such as remarking about Dan's snoring, picking on his driving, and snarling about his non-existent cooking ability which always leaves me with all the meal preparation, and as much as I enjoy to cook, I informed him that he could always join me for a glass of wine on occasion.

Dan was very good. He said very little and tried to be soothing. I was not in a mood to be soothed. I continued to snarl all evening. 

For me, the loss of the entire contents of our freezer was the final straw on the camel's back.

So fast forward to the morning. After a night of tossing and turning and some very weird dreams, 

I was snuggled right down in blissful comfort for the first time in over two weeks. 

My bliss was not to last.

I heard, from my dreamlike state, Dan place a mug of coffee on the bedside table next to me. The next sounds were not so comforting. All I could hear was the rattle of drawers being opened and shut in our tallboy across the room.

This was like a rerun of a previous occurrence from over a year ago. Senses on full alert, I kept my eyes firmly shut and pretended to be asleep.

"I know you are awake, Ami."

I kept extremely quiet.

Suddenly the covers were rudely pulled off and my bottom was swatted very sharply. I yelped and sat up rapidly, giving Dan the evil eye. 

"Drink your coffee. I've decided it's time there was some maintenance around here."

Fighting with Dan to try to cover myself with the duvet, I reached for my mug. I wonder why, when I have slept in the nude for years, I should feel so very vulnerable when he does this? I got the duvet no higher than my waist, and grimaced over the top of the mug. Things were going to get messy.

The bedroom was already messy.

Yet again, knickers were everywhere, and a bra even hung from a plant pot.

Maybe this is why he usually sends me to fetch an implement?

I had hardly finished with my coffee when the duvet was once again unceremoniously tugged away and I was ordered over his lap. And not skin to skin this time either - he placed a pillow over his lap. 

He then sat brandishing the much feared 'big nipper' as I draped myself over the pillows, and recounting for what seemed to be the hundredth time what the man's face looked like on the stall of the market in St Lucia where it was purchased.

"He knew what this little beauty was going to be used for, make no mistake about it."

I sighed in resignation, wondering whether this was about to be like the scene in Outlander.

I have a horrible, traitorous body. I hate and loathe being spanked hard with nasty implements like the nippers (big or small). Dan makes every swat feel like fire. He uses the skin stretching technique and no surface is left ignored. He uses rapid fire on the same spot over and over again, and just so you know, he has recently discovered the power of spanking on the 'sit spots'. He just loves the way it makes me arch my back and kick.

But why is my body so traitorous? It just does not seem to agree with my brain. My brain says to run, fight, get away. 

My body says otherwise. While I cry and shriek and promise to never insult Dan every again, it sends orgasmic messages down my nerve endings and when he slows down, or pauses in spanking me, all I want to do is hump his knee. (I know, I did try to think of a more ladylike way of putting it, but couldn't.)

By the end of a spanking of this calibre, I am not only crying my eyes out, but I am also on the verge of a mammoth orgasm, both brain and body in total disarray. 

The longer we go on with TTWD, the more intense this gets. 

Dan, of course, bless his little cotton socks, knows this fact by now, and when the whole point of the spanking has been to get a message across, he will not allow me any relief. I only realised this a few months ago. It seems to be a part of the 'dominant' thing. Thus, it has the effect of making me feel like a live wire all day, and all he does is grin.

This spanking, when it came, was most definitely like the scene from Outlander. Except that I was held firmly down from the start.

We lay and talked for a while midway, then Dan started up again, determined to spank the snarkiness out of me. He seemed to be reciting a list of things I had said, and awarding swats accordingly. 

But a funny thing; you can almost feel the moment when you relax and the world readjusts itself around you.

Finally Dan decided I had had enough and I was allowed up. My bottom was on fire and bright red 

(not like this - like this!)

with tiny imprints from those horrible holes on the paddle.

It took most of the day to return to its usual pale self, and even then I felt it when sitting. It was certainly a 'cushion day'.

I told Dan that for someone who isn't interested in more frequent spanking, he seems to be able to recount my every transgression and fall from grace.

Strange that.

"If you swatted me more regularly, immediately I overstepped the mark, I am sure it would be better than these epic spankings."

"But then I wouldn't get half the enjoyment out of spanking you. I look forward to these little sessions of ours."

"Humph. Well, thank you, Dan!"




We are going to be away for a week. We are going to Madeira with friends to help them celebrate their Ruby Wedding. 

It's a great little island and we have been there before, but the weather forecast isn't good this time. Still, I am sure we will have a wonderful time and the break is just what we both need right now.

Be good, my friends.  

Questions From Terps "Have you ever...?" Part 2

We have just gone through a very busy few weeks. End of summer is often that way it seems. So not much to report, although I am working on a new post which I hope will go up one day next week if I get a move on. 

I just loved Terps' answers to my 'Have you ever...?' questions, and then she went on to do a list of things she had done. Wow! A very long list! 

I am going to try to answer, but I suspect I haven't done even half these things.

*************

Have you ever danced down a street in Maine?

The only bit of Maine I have visited was the airport en route to Florida many years ago. I didn't dance, but the passport people were very nice - much nicer than the ones in Florida!

Have you ever seen the seals on the pier in San Francisco?

No. But I have seen the seals sleeping on the rocks in La Jolla near San Diego, and they were just gorgeous. I sat on a little wooden bench and watched them for ages.

Have you ever stubbed your toe three times in a day?

No. Once in a day is usually enough for me.

Have you ever been to Disney World?

Yes, twice. And the rides scared the living daylights out of me, so I waited at the bottom mostly. They were two of our best holidays ever.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Yes, many a time.

Have you ever injured yourself sneezing?

No, but I can assure anyone that sneezing with a bad back is to be avoided at all costs.

Have you ever been playing a game with a child only to realise that you are still playing long after they left?

Mostly hide and seek! LOL!

Have you ever spun yourself dizzy?

When we were teenagers, we used to spin ourselves so dizzy we fell over. Very strange what teenagers find entertaining!

Have you ever said 'I love you' and meant it?

I try to say it on a regular basis, and I always mean it.

Have you ever stopped and truly looked at the beauty in nature before you?

Once, in the Highlands of Scotland, Dan and I sat side by side overlooking a loch, the hills rising gently behind us covered with purple heather, and the Isle of Skye reflected ahead of us in the green blue waters. We agreed that there was so much beauty that it was difficult to take it all in.

Have you ever been so relaxed and lazy spending Christmas day with your immediate family that instead of cooking a big fancy meal you ended up making hot dogs for dinner instead (and saved the Christmas meal for the day after)?

No. Although we've had some pretty relaxed and lazy Christmases I cannot recall eating hot dogs! LOL!

Have you ever heard someone say hello and say hello back, only to realise they were talking to someone else?

Yes. And even stranger than that, I once said hello to someone thinking I knew them, and they said hello back, and then when we drew close enough to see each other properly, we realised that neither of us knew each other! 

Have you ever wished upon the first star of the night while reciting the poem "Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight?"

Yes, lots of times, but I often get the words mixed up.

Have you ever opened your front door to be welcomed by a hissing snake?

We don't get much in the way of hissing snakes over here. But I have had copious mice, pigeons and rabbits thoughtfully provided by one or other of our cats over the years.

Have you ever eaten peanut butter straight out of the jar?

Oh yummy! And yes!

Have you ever gone into the woods and screamed as loud as you could, just to see if you could?

No woods around here, but no.

Have you ever nursed your babies...almost 5 years in a row (2 years for the first child all the way through your pregnancy of the second and then two and a half years with the second)?

No, but I take my hat off to you. 

Have you ever been so sleep deprived that you made a potentially dangerous mistake and even though everything turned out fine, you still feel guilty about it?

No, but I had two children who didn't sleep through the night till they were three years old, and there were times when Dan would take the older one out in the car in the middle of the night to try to get her off to sleep, whilst I walked around the block with the baby in his pram. We were both sleep deprived. LOL!

Have you ever gone outside on a rainy summer day with your umbrella so you could dance while singing "Singing in the Rain"?

No, as we don't have lamp-posts along our lane, and in England the rain is usually of the cold, miserable type, even in summer.

Have you ever watched a lightning storm?

Many times. Aren't they amazing?

Have you ever spoken with someone in a completely made-up language, just for fun?

Sadly, yes. But I was much younger!

Have you ever written a children's book and tried to publish it?

No. But Dan wrote some delightful stories for our children all about Mellissa Moo cow. He never tried to get them published.

Have you ever felt the magic of holding someone's hand?

I've always felt there is something magic in holding the hand of a small, trusting child.

Have you ever kissed someone at midnight?

Every single New Year's Eve!

Have you ever written a novel?

Yes.

Have you ever smiled so much your cheeks ached?

I remember when we got married that my whole face ached at the end of the day from smiling for the photographer.

Have you ever followed your dreams and started your own business?

Yes, once upon a time. It was much more complex than I had anticipated, but it taught me a lot.

Have you ever cried during a commercial?

I'm not sure I actually cried, but I remember a commercial or two that have made my eyes fill.

Have you ever jumped in the waves of the Atlantic Ocean?

More times than I could count. We are surrounded by it. It is very cold!

Have you ever done the Hula in Hawaii?

No, but here's hoping that one day....

Have you ever followed a butterfly?

Strangely enough, yes.

Have you ever finger painted as an adult (not with a child present)?

Only when experimenting with textures.

Have you ever fallen up the stairs?

Yes, and taken a chip out of my tibia.

Have you ever fallen down the stairs multiple times?

Once is enough for me!

Have you ever walked into a wall, when you were completely sober? 

No, not a wall, a lamp post. I was too busy talking to notice where I was going.

Have you ever started to go into the wrong car?

Yes, this summer. I opened the door of a car at our local supermarket and started to unpack my groceries, and then wondered why the car was full of children's toys, crisp packets and other sundries that didn't belong to me. It was the same make and the same colour as mine, and for some very odd reason my key fob unlocked it!

Have you ever had a pet bunny? Or a pet chinchilla? Or pet fish?

No bunnies or chinchillas - the pet cats wouldn't get on with them. But pet fish, yes. Gold fish mostly.

Have you ever played truth or dare?

No, I think I missed out on this one. Perhaps, knowing me, for the best.

Have you ever felt really close to someone you've never met?

Yes.

************

Thanks, Terps, for these questions. They were fun to do and made me realise that life can be so interesting if you keep an open mind. I hope everyone else will have a go at these as they are very different from the norm.

Ami Asks "Have you or haven't you?"

Have you ever, ever, ever in your long-legged life...

1  Stood on top of a very high mountain or cliff, looking down at countryside, or out to sea?

2  Lay on your back on a hot summer's night, listening to the crickets chirping, and watching the satellites as they chase each other across the heavens?

3  Skinny-dipped at midnight?

4  Intentionally or inadvertently swum with sharks?

5  Broken a bone in your body?

6  Driven a car at speeds in excess of 120 mph? (yes, I know it's illegal, but the motorway was very quiet at the time)

7  Played "Pooh Sticks"?

8  Run in a "Pancake" race?

9  Had your eyelashes dyed?

10  Ridden a horse naked?

11  Punted down the River Cam? (or any other river)

12  Played tennis in a short white tennis skirt whilst wearing minimal knickers?

13  Helped an inebriated husband up the stairs at 2 in the morning?

14  Been too scared to get out of a swimming pool whilst on holiday, due to a very large Doberman sitting on the edge watching you? (no-one was around at the time)

15  Sat in a deckchair snoozing happily whilst the sound of leather on willow echoes distantly in your ears?

16  Taken a ride on the Maid of the Mist under the Niagara Falls?

17  Climbed up something - rockface, climbing wall, rope in a sports hall, long ladder, tree - and been too scared witless to climb back down?

18  Been too liberal with the "Eau de Cologne" which then ran down where it shouldn't, which in turn caused you to hop madly around and rip your knickers off and throw them as far from you as you could?

19  Made snow angels?

20  Lost a shoe in a ploughed field on a moonlight walk home after a party?

21  Shrieked loudly, due to being spanked hard, and frightened away a visitor/s who turned and ran back down your drive - and now you never will know who was about to knock on your door. And you are desperately hoping they will never ask...

I was going to write quite a different post, (which I will save for another time), but decided that some of us around here needed cheering up, me included, so I should very much like you to answer these on your blog if possible. I hope you have had at least some of these experiences and that you will tell us all about them.

As for me? I am a pickle, so what do you think....? Have I or haven't I?