A Question of Tolerance!

This is on the side of my message pad that sits on my desk!  It got me thinking.  Then I remembered a topic that our dear Roz (at Roz in His Hands) talked about a while back.  It all had to do with TOLERANCE.  So I wanted to explore it further.

When we first think about tolerance our minds immediately go to pain thresholds, and how some people are more sensitive to pain than others.  Just look at childbirth as an example.  In my case I am terrified of going to the dentist.  This dates back from the horrendously painful removal of an impacted wisdom tooth when I was twenty one, that broke my jaw and resulted in months of remedial care.  When something happens in your life associated with pain, it can have a lasting impact on your reaction to other painful episodes.

But first, I'd like to look at tolerance in a wider sense.

What I want to know is "Just how tolerant are we towards each other?"

If you take the time to think about it, it can be very scary.  (I'm just going to refer to "he" as it takes too long to type he/she all the time.)

What is there about your other half that irritates and annoys you?  Does he leave the lid off the toothpaste and pubic hairs all over the shower tray?  Does he snore or (giving away a secret here) lie on his back making 'popping noises' as he breathes?  Does he leave dirty dishes on the work surface immediately above the dishwasher and never so much as put even a mug inside?  Does he leave every pair of shoes he wears under the coffee table and never thinks about returning them to his wardrobe/closet?  Does he leave his laundry all over his half of the bedroom/dressing room and expect you to pick it all up and convey it downstairs to be washed?  Does he expect you to be on time (to the minute) when going out somewhere, only to go back about forty times for his glasses/mobile phone/tickets/map/money-off vouchers, etc etc?  

See what I mean?  These are just a few of the little trials and tribulations I have had to contend with over the last 35 years.  I am used to them.  I rarely complain.  (Well, okay I do sometimes!)  But on the whole, I love him for better and for worse, right?!  

But now you have embarked on a new dynamic.  After years of nagging/arguing/disagreeing/throwing your weight around, you have returned him to his rightful place in the family - at the top of the pecking order.  Not only have you agreed to show your man some respect at long last, but you are going to have to be more tolerant of his behaviour.

BUT, is he tolerant of all the little things you do to irritate him?  And is he going to continue to be tolerant?

HA!!!

This is where it can all go tits up!

He has long been waiting for an opportunity to safely address your shortcomings.  And, oh boy, is he going to enjoy himself or what?!!!

Suddenly the fact that my mobile, more often than not, gets left on the kitchen counter next to the Tasimo machine, is a major crime!  Heaven only help me if I ever got a puncture and didn't have the blessed thing with me!  Starman and number one son only bought it for me in the first place because I got a puncture on a motorway that runs not far from where we live, and I walked to get help, with huge juggernauts speeding past me!  It took a year for the dust to settle on that one, believe me!

Suddenly if I leave lights on in rooms we are not using, or if I leave my computer on all night or during the daytime when at work, these have become major crimes that have to be addressed!  Never mind if he has inadvertently left a space heater on all night out in his office - that is not in question.  But a low wattage light bulb, left on when it should have been turned off, is an irritation that he is no longer willing to be tolerant towards, and must be addressed to ensure the irritating pattern is broken!

See where I'm going with this?  

His lack of tolerance can be tied directly in with what then becomes 'my lack of tolerance'!

At present, having discovered the power-shift in our household is at last having an effect, I find myself having to bite my bottom lip in order not to make disparaging remarks that will ultimately lead to my tolerance levels being severely tested.  It may be an exciting time for a new HOH, but it is a very trying time for his wife's bottom!

Until we have made it through the first year, I shall continue to regard us as "Newbies".  After all, a year ago I had never heard of 'spanking' in a relationship (I kid you not!), so it is an enormous journey of self-discovery; one that my poor, sweet, gentle and caring husband has been dragged coerced into taking with me.  Not only that, but I now expect him to lead the way!  Some of you have been doing this with differing amounts of success for years.  Thank goodness.  Because without you many of us would be drifting far from shore by now!

But this means that for some of us, like me for example, tolerance is a challenge.  You could even say a force to be reckoned with.

We started TTWD with purely erotic spankings.  I have to be honest - they are still our favourite type.  They are always as a precursor to sex and we rarely get further than ten minutes or so, because our need for each other takes over in a big way.  Sometimes Starman just uses his hand for these.  I just adore good girl spankings particularly because of the intimacy between us, and the fact that they make us feel like giggly teenagers making out in the back seat of the car!

  

Our weekly maintenance/reaffirmation spankings depend on what has been going on during the week, and what may be on the horizon in the week ahead.  Sometimes they are short, and sometimes can go for up to half an hour.  But usually they are a time for us to talk - mostly Starman talks and I listen, but he is beginning to expect me to reply to some of his questions, and will 'repeat' spank if I don't.  He is still not too good at warm-ups and says it's because it stings his hand.  (Grrrr, what about my bottom?!)  So he usually uses our leather paddle to warm me up.  I've noticed that the swings are getting more forceful, but I am increasingly able to handle them.

The spankings I get for stress relief can be short if we only have a few minutes to squeeze one in, but they are wonderful because they 'really hit the spot'!  They are usually intense and can bring me to tears almost immediately.  I don't get a warm up unless we have plenty of time.  This is mostly when the HH comes into play.  You can see the size - it's like a small paddle!  I hate it but it rarely leaves a mark unless Starman hammers at the same spot again and again (which he can be known to do!).  Heaven knows why in my innocence I went out and bought the largest hairbrush in the shop! After all, what did I think it was going to be used for?!

If I have caused Starman to put his biggest, tallest HOH hat on, I have learned to expect a much harder spanking.  Occasionally I'll have to wait several days for this to take place, which isn't too good.  The anticipation either stresses me out, or I send it to the back of my mind and ignore it.  Our little wooden spatula is nothing to look at, but fills my soul with ice just thinking about it.  It is vile, bruises, and due to the way he now snaps his wrist, can leave not only a lasting impression, but makes the spanked area itch like the blazes all day long. You can laugh, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone's bum! 

Similarly he now employs a thick wooden (polished walnut) salad server that hurts a hundred times more than any wooden spoon in our kitchen, especially when administered to the sit-spots!  

We have a variety of wooden spoons of the ordinary, mixing variety.  They are stingy, but after the salad server, don't pack the same punch!

We also have a bright purple silicon spoon I also avoid like the plague, and a bright pink silicon spatula.  Fortunately the connection between my imitation of an eel, and the items pictured below, haven't yet registered on Starman's "I think we'll try this one again today..." list.

We've only tried a belt once.  Starman isn't happy about using one.  I found out, relatively recently, that he was hit with one as a child, and he has never forgiven or forgotten.  After the 'wood' it didn't feel particularly threatening, but then, Starman couldn't, or wouldn't, try to get the hang of it.  He ended up telling me to put it back into the drawer from whence it came.  Every suggestion to try it since then has met with fierce opposition, and TTWD is consensual after all.

And don't even mention a plastic coat-hanger to me!  It may be silent, but it is deadly, and so far it is the only item that has me shooting to my feet and rubbing furiously!  I am in awe of anyone who can cope with feeling the fiery semi-triangle this lays across their bum!  And I am definitely NOT quiet, so it rather defeats the object!

Finally, this little sweetie is great fun to play with!  On the other hand, it IS a whippy little switch, and it can sting as much as you want it to!

Starman ALWAYS requests me to choose an implement.  I tried bringing him a 'lesser' weapon once, and the spanking ended up much harder and longer, so now I hold one up and wait for his agreement before bringing it to him.  We mostly use a different implement for each and every spanking, so that I don't get used to the same one and become able to detach myself from the pain of it.  He sometimes uses two or three implements in a session for the same reason.

Looking at the implements some of you incorporate into your dynamic, the length of time you get spanked for, the different positions you employ, I am more than impressed.  Whilst much of our kitchen has emigrated into the bedroom, Starman usually picks out the same implements time and time again.

We have a carpet beater just like the one in the picture - happily it stays hanging on the kitchen wall where it belongs when it's not beating rugs!

Positions

We have not been very adventurous as yet.  Starman's preferred position is to sit propped up by the headboard and I have to lie over his lap.  He holds me in place with his left hand.  It's a great position for studying the floorboards on the other side of the bed, and I can use the duvet to muffle my squawks.  I need to be careful about kicking because he has, on occasion, spanked my foot, which is very painful.  I try not to kick, but it depends on the force, the speed and where the spanks land.  He has had to put his right leg over both of mine to keep me in position and stop me crawling forwards and off on to the floor.

Over the knee, my upper body on the bed, grimly holding on to a pillow or duvet - only used for discipline.  I suspect the next step on from this will be right over his knees with my palms on the floor, but we haven't built up to this yet, and I'm certainly not going to encourage it - but it has been mentioned.

On my hands and knees on the bed, resting on my arms/elbows - a highly sexual position, only used so far for GG spankings, with incredible results!  I'm saying no more!  It stretches the skin over the buttocks and makes me feel incredibly vulnerable.  Everything hurts used in this position, and Starman has a tendency to swing more!

We tried, just once, over the footboard of our bed, but I thought my ribs were going to break.  If I leaned further over, it hurt my stomach too much.  So not successful.

Tolerance and Emotion

I honestly believe I can take far more of everything during a GG/erotic spanking.  Longer, harder - just more!  Starman will rub my bottom quite often between spanks.  He will talk and joke.  I can happily enjoy these spankings for up to half an hour as he builds in intensity very gradually, alternating between flurries and hard spanks that have several seconds between them.  The fine line between pleasure and pain simply disappears.  I find myself pushing up to meet the spanks, openly inviting more.  Every fibre of my body becomes super sensitive.  These spankings are truly amazing and addictive.

I mostly look forward to my maintenance/reaffirmation spankings, except that I never know how much, if any, discipline is going to be tacked on to the end. They are spankings for a reason, and are sometimes hard to endure.  A week ago, for the first time ever, I yelled at Starman to stop.  I just couldn't bear another spank.  He didn't.  I received another ten or so before he told me I could get up.  I don't always cry during these spankings, but I have to admit to my eyes being wet more often than not.  I've noticed that my tolerance levels vary according to what he wants to discuss as well as the implement(s) used.

Here's another thing.  I am not allowed to get up until I am given permission to do so.  This wasn't the case when we first started.  But now, regardless of what type of spanking I am getting, I have to wait.  If I am crying hard, this is a good thing, because it gives me time to calm down.  I've only ever felt angry and resentful of my spanking once, and I just had to lie and fester.  In fact he started over again to drive the point home.  

If we are having an erotic spanking session I still have to lie there, but usually this is for other reasons!  The time this is hardest, is after a discipline spanking, because I need to be cuddled and reassured as soon as possible.

So far I have received only a few 'stand alone' discipline spankings.  Once, over his knee, I nearly kicked his teeth out, and thereafter had my legs immobilised for safety reasons.  There is never a warm up, and I am reduced to sobs almost immediately.  I hate the fact that I have returned to my old ways, that I have upset and disappointed Starman in some way.  Initially when we started spanking he hated to see me cry.  Now it is a part of the healing process.  

The pain and the emotions are inseparable in this type of spanking. Every nerve ending is on high alert.  Starman's intention is to achieve a result, and my tolerance seems very low.  I never thought I'd say it, but I feel, deeply inside, like a little girl who is being taken to task!  It's not a nice feeling.

I would like to thank Roz very much for agreeing to do this dual post with me.  so could I ask you to go there?  She is writing hers not only from a more experienced perspective, but naturally she and Rick have a different approach, and incorporate rather more into their dynamic.  

I did try to insert her blog link here - but as usual a window opened, asked me to choose from several options, and I was too nervous to press anything!  Such is life!  Remember, Roz is at Roz in His Hands.  Keep checking for her post.  She is going to post tomorrow, but with the time differences we are asking everyone to just keep their eyes peeled!