Fact or Fiction?

We are still talking, so there is no need to worry.  But there have been no further developments in the Starsong household.  I will be the first to let you know if anything newsworthy occurs!

However, some time ago, I finished writing my very first story.  

I dithered about with it until I was threatened with a spanking (and not by Dan) if I didn't chat with PK about the possibility of it going out on one of her Fantasy Friday blog posts.  

So this is really just to tell you that I hope you will go to http://elisnewbeginnings.blogspot.co.uk this Friday, 23rd August, and read it. 

It's three quarters fantasy - and one quarter truth. I'll leave it to you to decide which is which!  

Many of you wrote to me after reading about "Kat's Birthday" and suggested it would be good to know a bit more about Ami and Daniel.  So here it is!

Beating the Bounds

Ami and Daniel are Empty Nesters who live in an old farmhouse in the depths of the English countryside.  This story lays the foundation for Ami’s adventures, and explains a little about how the couple live.  Ami is a pickle.  Despite the fact that she never seems to set out to court trouble, it seems to find Ami on a regular basis.  Which in turn, means that Ami gets her bottom warmed by Daniel on a regular basis. 

Now remember to go to the link, for PK's Fantasy Friday!

Hugs

Ami

(And yes, for those of you who are wondering, the trees in the picture are indeed "willow".... 

Flying Through Turbulence!

(This does contain adult content.  If you prefer not to read it, I quite understand, and I mean no offence.)

***********

Do you ever feel as if you are in the middle of a desert?  

All you can see for miles and miles are the never-ending, undulating sand dunes, a clear blue sky, and that relentless sun beating down from overhead.

Not a tree, not a rocky outcrop, not an oasis to provide a little shade, a little respite, a little comfort.

Last Tuesday came as a bit of a shock to my system. It was, I believe, a breakthrough for both of us, although perhaps in different ways.

I've thought of little else since then, even when cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, even when digging potatoes out in the veggie patch and picking cucumbers to make my special salad with sour cream.

I knew I had to talk to Dan.  Had to discuss how I had felt at the time.  How I felt afterwards.  But we've been so busy we haven't had a moment.  The minute we go to bed we sleep a sleep born out of complete physical and mental exhaustion.

I have been so calm in my head, since my spanking, even though I have been pretty physically stressed. Sort of a floating feeling, almost.

Then last night, all the calm and tranquillity suddenly left me.  I was sitting on the sofa across from Dan, who was watching an old episode of NCIS (the one with the blow-up doll!) and I was sort of reading, and sort of watching, when I felt all my "good feeling" drain out of my system.

I can only compare it with the need for a large intake of caffeine, as I can only imagine what it must be like to be dependent on something like cocaine.  But it wasn't a gradual lessening, it went all at once, and my light, airy, happy demeanour went with it.

(Many of you voiced the opinion that I needed to talk with Dan, and some of you sent me some really lovely emails.  Thank you all so much.  Honestly, I don't know what I would do, or how I would cope without your support!)  

So this morning as we sat propped up by our pillows, sipping our tea/coffee and watching the clouds scudding by through the high windows, I knew I would have to tackle the subject of how this latest spanking had affected me so emotionally.  I just didn't know how.

Dan was in full flow about selling the barn and what we had left to do, and how we were going to accomplish it as quickly as possible, and how we were going to have to stay on top of things and not let clutter and junk invade every room.

I finished my coffee and slumped down again relaxing - it was only just after 7 after all!  He soon followed and as I was turned on my side away from him, he spooned up to me and put his arm around my waist, which I love.  He never used to do this, and it makes me feel so relaxed and wanted.

He was just beginning to get a little amorous, and I thought, Well, I've got to tackle this issue, or it'll eat me up.

So I started to chat about how attentive he had been to me since Tuesday, and how content and cherished he had made me feel. I explained that I had felt that for the first time ever, he had taken total control of a spanking, and I had felt a vulnerability I had never felt before.  But that also, it had led to confusion in my head because I had thought it was going to be an erotic spanking, and then a stress relief spanking, and then he had turned it into something far more intense and serious.  

I suggested we might separate some of our spankings so we both knew what the spanking was intended to achieve.

It was at this point that Dan reacted in a way I wasn't expecting and was, I thought, a bit scathing and dismissive.  I pulled away from him, still on my side and facing away.  He was still talking and I was being monosyllabic.  Then suddenly the words "your fetish" registered on my brain.  He really made me upset, and I burst into tears.

It took him a minute or two for him to realise I was crying, until I was sobbing so loudly I got his attention and got him agitated.

"Well, that's what it is for want of a better word, isn't it?  Oh, come on for goodness sake and pull yourself together.  I quite like it.  I'm happy with it.  But let's face it, it's not the average sort of thing you can talk to your friends about is it?"

I cried harder and louder.  Dan was at a loss.  We were at an impasse.

He let me cry myself out, not trying to hold me or comfort me, just letting me sniffle to a stop and sit up and blow my nose.

So we talked.  And talked some more.

He admitted the word "fetish" wasn't a good one to have used, and I told him that I didn't in any way feel any different to anyone else in that our sex lives were not open for discussion with our vanilla friends, and never had been.  He, however, begged to differ.  He asked me how many times other wives had discussed having less and less sex as they got older, and that he certainly knew from the mens' point of view that if they had sex once a month they were lucky.

I was horrified.  Once a month!  I felt neglected if we went less than three times a week.  (Well, we're not twenty any more and sex every day is reserved for the young - and/or less stressful times!)  (If you are young, then you will learn!)  But it's something that I would never wish to discuss with the aforesaid friends simply because we have TTWD now, and I am afraid the majority of our friends would definitely not understand; not even understand our regular need for each other. Sadly, that's the way these people have become.  For them, youth is too far away.

We discussed TTWD and how it has affected our lives. I tried to explain why I was upset by the word "fetish".  A little kink perhaps, but I am a normal person.  I'm certainly not into anything heavy.  And frankly, if people enjoy going further, that is up to them.  It bothers me not a jot.  It's a free world!

But I needed Dan to know, that for me, to go back to where we once were, was, and is, not an option.  So I asked him about Tuesday's spanking.  

I explained how it had affected me and I wanted to know his point of view.  He told me that he thought he had probably spanked me harder than he had ever spanked me before.  He admitted, reluctantly, that he had enjoyed spanking me.  He had come to the conclusion that it was the only way to correct my attitude.  He admitted to having a few concerns, but had decided to go with his gut feelings, and he knew the second I submitted to him. And stopped. He said he was surprised there were no bruises, and I ventured the thought that it was because of all the hand spanking first and the gradual build up, instead of whamming me from the offset.  

We sat quietly, still talking.  I told him that I continued to feel very real guilt for the way I had acted in the past.  Talk about an ice queen.  I even told him off at one time for wanting to sleep in the nude.  I always wore a nightie and knickers.  I hated my breasts touched.  I never ever let him kiss me or touch me more than he had to down there.  When all this started, I am at a loss to remember, but it was after having our children, so maybe something shifted in my brain.  Who knows. 

Dan said to me, "Look, we've been married all these years and weathered many storms.  It's just that a year ago we were on the road to nowhere, and now you've turned our lives around, and I'm still getting used to it.  Nine months may sound a long time, but it's nothing.  Look how far we've come and what we've achieved.  If I could boast to my friends I would!  Nine months ago I was having problems even getting an erection.  Now all you have to do is talk about spanking and I see your nipples stand up on end and I stand to attention.  I'm not trying to go backwards, but you have to understand that it's been a near vertical learning curve for me.  

I love you Ami, I really do, but suddenly we are doing things, you are doing things, that I never even dared to dream of, and the ordinary man on the street hardly knows exist."

My eyes were filling with tears yet again.  Talk about a crying fest!  My guilt was eating me up, chewing on my bones and spitting them out.

"I just hate the way I feel," I told him.  "All those years we could have been having such fun.  I just never knew about some of these things.  The few times you suggested something new, it scared me half to death.  Why didn't you insist?"

"How could I?  Why would I?  You don't do that when you love someone, Ami.  Remember the first time I suggested a blow job?  You were nearly sick on the spot."

"Because I didn't understand.  And you didn't help a bit.  It's your fault we were so boring!"

"So now it's my fault?" Dan was doing his best to control his anger.  "Don't forget I didn't know much either.  People didn't do all this sleeping around in our day. Bloody hell, your dad would've been down on us like a ton of bricks if he saw my car outside your place early in the morning.  Don't you remember that night you stayed over at my house when my parents were away on holiday, and the milkman woke us up and we panicked thinking my old man was rattling on the door?!"

I giggled and blew my nose again.  "Alright, so you weren't boring.  But it's just that I feel so stupid. Like I've wasted so much time."

"You can't keep drowning in all this regret.  You have to let it go and move on.  I'm happy with our lives now, aren't you?"

I turned into his chest and cried once more.  He stroked my hair and hugged me.  It was awful.  I hate this thing called 'age'.  

We reaffirmed our love for each other in the best possible way.  There was no spanking, and we both had to keep our voices down.  My loud moans, anyway!  

I never got to talk about a safe word.  It would have been a step too far.  I'll keep it on the back burner for future conversations.  

I know now that he won't let me off lightly in the future.  He's going to spank me hard and I'll just have to cope with it.  I know it will only be when I deserve it.  But I will have to trust him to stop when he knows I've had enough.  And that's a good thing.

The other thing is that I plan to ask him for a spanking again.  A spanking to assuage all this guilt I am carrying around with me.  We need to wipe the slate. I know that until we do, I can't move forwards emotionally.  

This has not been the easiest of weeks, but I think we have both moved even closer if that can be possible. Even though we started off, nine months ago, a million miles apart, we are steadily closing the gap. It's not easy, and we still don't know where we are, or what we are doing half of the time. 

"You do like this don't you?" I asked him.  

"Of course I do," he replied.  "But I can't just move from A to Z and miss out all the middle bit.  I need to consider it, to practise it, to savour it.  It's worlds away from how we used to be, but the tools are unfamiliar, and I need to learn the best way of using them."

He arched an eyebrow.

"I think you are using them fine.  Just fine." I replied.

     

A Lesson in Spanking

The sunshine woke me early drifting across my pillow, doves cooing loudly in the trees outside.  I rolled over on to my back and put my hand out to stroke my Starman's chest, but felt nothing but an empty place. I glanced at the clock and it said 6.45am.  My eyelids drooped.  When I woke up next time, it was to the sound of a mug of coffee being placed on my bedside table.  I stretched blissfully and wriggled luxuriously.It was now 7.35am. Dan had woken early and had been chatting to Number One Son before he disappeared off to work. 

We sat, propped up by pillows, idly discussing the next few days.  If anyone thinks preparing houses for sale is easy, they need to move into the Starsong household for a bit.  I'm not even going to try to describe the various stresses and strains involved, but I would like to say a very big thank you to those of you who have emailed or chatted to me and done your best to cheer me up! 

A BIG THANK YOU!!!

Coupled with the fact that we haven't yet gotten a date for Dan's next hospital visit, a MIL who hasn't been too well lately and is having hospital visits herself, a daughter who is about to give birth in three weeks' time, and a son who is struggling to get a 'very old cottage' habitable before the winter (he'll never do it, we know it's going to be impossible, so it's making him very grumpy), we are past "exhaustion" and both feel like pieces of elastic without any stretch left in them.

So as we are chatting about this and that, my hand starts wandering, then my leg, then the other hand, and the other leg, and Dan sits there and says that his arm hurts and tells me how exhausted he is, and that he hasn't got any energy left and not to bother stroking him because nothing's going to happen.

I keep on, because I love a challenge.  And pretty soon there is a result.  So I stop, and I question him more closely about our week, and it becomes obvious that we only have this morning to ourselves without having to gallop up and rush around. 

Dan shows me his arm, where a horsefly has bitten him.  It is red and swollen.  He says he hasn't enough energy to do any spanking, if that's what I am after. I immediately remind him of our dear friend Bas, who once told me all Dan had to do was "lift arm up, slap hand down, lift arm up, slap hand down - easy!"  

I am sent to retrieve a couple of implements from their secret lair.  I joyfully return with our lovely Rose paddle, and for some strange reason, entirely beyond me, the walnut salad server.  

At this point, all I have in mind is play, and I happily scramble across Dan's lap.  We are both chuckling and he sets to and spanks me with his hand, alternating with a stroke here, and a stroke there.  I wriggle a bit.  I can feel the warmth begin to flow over my butt cheeks.  His hand rests lightly on my lower back and I feel very relaxed.  

After a minute or two the warmth begins to feel more "tropical", and although I am still in seventh heaven, it is building enough to make me squirm.

Then the strokes change.  A lot more slappy.  A lot more stingy.  I know without asking that the Rose paddle has come into the equation.  I am beginning to say 'Ow!' and 'Ouch' and my wriggles are not quite as comfortable as they were.  I begin to feel breathless, and conversation has become more one-sided - Dan is still talking, but I have enough to contend with. I wonder when it is going to stop.  My rump is now burning somewhat fiercely.

The strokes change again.  Only Dan's hand keeps me horizontal.  I try to relax, but can't.  I know the feel of wood, especially when it keeps hitting the same darned spot.  I am becoming much more vocal.  What happened to the fun?!  My butt feels as if it's blazing. Dan is attacking my sit spots like they are going out of fashion.  I start to howl.  I am rolling my hips, trying to escape that vile implement.  At one point I nearly scream.  

In no uncertain words I am told to be quiet.  I asked for this, and frankly, Dan feels that he should have done it days ago.  

He is holding me firmly to him, his hand pressing me into his lap, giving me no room to manoeuvre.  I try to tell him how much it hurts when he keeps spanking the same spot, but he simply repeats the famous line that "it's meant to hurt", and continues a rapid volley. I begin to sob.  I am a little afraid.  Not of Dan, but because I don't think I can do this.  It's horrible.  It's changed from something pleasant into something unendurable.  

I can hardly get my breath.  I am crying hard, and I am shouting "Please.."  

"Please carry on, or please stop?" Dan asks me, and doesn't let up for a second.

I lie there biting the pillowcase in anguish, my shoulders heaving.  I am very emotional.  I cannot think for myself.  

Then I realise Dan has stopped and is stroking my bottom.  I am too worn out to lift my head and just lie there.  

Eventually my breaths slow and I lever myself back up to sit next to him, but it hurts and I lie sprawled on my side with my head on his stomach.  I am shell-shocked.  

Dan has lost all his tiredness and miraculously feels rejuvenated.  (I can see he is rejuvenated - the signs are a mere two inches away from me!)  

He is reassuring me with his hands and with loving words. I feel like a timid deer, caught in headlights on full beam.  We give our love to each other slowly, savouring each touch, not wanting to hurry, just cherish.

Dan tells me once again that he'll take spanking over the 'little blue pills' any day.  I am still mulling over what has taken place between us.  

All day Dan has been in a good mood.  He has laughed, joked, teased me, like he hasn't for a week or more. It may not have completely cured his stress, but the levels are definitely considerably reduced. 

For me, I have been calm; serene almost.  

Something has changed.  I am out of my comfort zone.  I have never felt quite so vulnerable.

"I spanked you for a solid 15 minutes" Dan told me.  

It felt like a "solid" 15 minutes!!!  It is the end of the day and I still have big, dark red patches, but no purple bruises like other times.  I still feel tender, but have had no trouble sitting on the wooden kitchen chairs, just a little discomfort initially.

It is how it has affected me mentally.  

Our 'fun' spanking turned into something else.  Dan has upped the ante, raised the bar, pushed my limits. But whilst it has helped him, and calmed me, I am wondering for the first time ever, whether I ought to have a safe word, or at least, a word to tell him that I can't cope.  Do any of you do this?  It has honestly never occurred to me.  Now, I am not so sure.  Would it be weak of me?  Or would I use it when I didn't really need to?  

Because this spanking must have been just what was needed for both of us.  

He would never, ever harm me, even by mistake, but it is as if my every defence has been stripped away, as if my soul has been laid bare.  I can't even believe I am writing this.  

If any of you lot would like to give me an opinion, I hope you will do so.  Does this 'pivotal moment' happen to everyone sooner or later?  What do we do? 

Answers on a postcard....

 

Saturday Snippets (10) - Summer Time and the Living is Easy!

I haven't done a light-hearted Saturday post for a very long time, so I wanted to share a couple of my very favourite recipes with you.  We've been fortunate enough to have a wonderful summer so far this year, and most of our meals are taken outside, even if I cook some of them inside!  

I wonder whether you are like us, and have a new-fangled gas barbecue with lava rock instead of charcoal?  Well, we stopped using ours and now it gathers dust in one of the barns.  We use a very simple and old-fashioned charcoal barbecue now instead, and love the taste of the food much better. There is also the performance of getting the charcoal to light, by various careful or dangerous means, and the resulting differences of opinion Dan and I have over some of these.  Then, of course, the smoke always has a tendency to blow in the wrong direction, and invariably our opinions then differ as to the location of the barbecue!  All fun stuff!

The most important factor is that there is sufficient "throat lubrication" on hand.  If there are lots of people, we will fill an old wheelbarrow with buckets of ice, and immerse copious quantities of beer/lager (either the tinned or bottled variety - it matters not) to keep cool.  We have been known to lower a crate of wine into the edge of the horse pond on a particularly hot occasion! If there is only us, we fill a galvanised bucket with ice instead!  Simples! 

You probably all know by now that my favourite summer drinks is a Pimms.  So here is the traditional recipe in case any of you want to try it.  Beware, it is stronger than the taste would imply!

Pimms

Mix one part Pimms No 1 with two parts lemonade. (Use the fizzy lemonade that comes in a bottle or a tin, not the flat stuff!) Add strawberries, cucumber, mint and orange slices, and you've just made the perfect drink for any occasion!

And yes, that's the horse pond in the background!

Roasted Tomato Salad

(Serves 4-6 as a starter)

If you are a tomato addict, and you think that good bread dipped into fruity olive oil and tomato juices is the food of the gods, then roast the tomatoes first, and you'll agree that the gods have excelled themselves.

Ingredients:

12 large tomatoes  (I use 'beef' tomatoes)
12 large basil leaves
2 large or 4 small cloves of garlic, finely chopped
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
salt and freshly milled black pepper

For the dressing:

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

To garnish:

12 large fresh basil leaves
24 black olives

You will also need a shallow roasting tin approx 16x12inches, oiled.

Preheat the oven to gas mark 6, 400 degrees F, 200 degrees C.  (For fan ovens, lower the temperature a little.)

1  Skin the tomatoes first of all by pouring boiling water over them and leaving for 1 minute, then drain and, as soon as they are cool enough to handle, slip off the skins.  Now cut each tomato in half and season with salt and freshly milled black pepper.  After that, sprinkle on the chopped garlic, distributing it evenly between the tomatoes.  Follow this with a few droplets of olive oil on each one, then top each one with half a basil leaf, turning each piece of leaf over to get a coating of oil.

2  Now place the roasting tin in the top half of the oven and roast the tomatoes for 50 minutes - 1 hour or until the edges are slightly blackened.  Then remove the tin from the oven and allow the tomatoes to cool.  All this can be done several hours ahead of when you plan to eat.

3  To serve the tomatoes, transfer them to individual plates, place half a basil leaf on top of each tomato half, then whisk the oil and balsamic vinegar together and drizzle this over the tomatoes.  Finally, top each one with an olive.  Lots of crusty bread is an essential accompaniment to this.  I always warm up some ciabatta bread and we rip pieces off and just dip them in!

A Mixed Grill with Apricot Barbecue Glaze

(Serves 6)

This is a sauce that is suitable for all meats - lamb, pork ribs or chicken drumsticks.  The quantity is enough to glaze 6 of each, which makes a nice mixture of meats to serve to 6 people.  One important point is that drumsticks need pre-baking in a pre-heated oven at gas mark 4, 350 degrees F, 180 degrees C, for 15 minutes just before glazing and barbecuing.

Ingredients:

6 small to medium chicken drumsticks
6 lamb chops (or steaks will do and don't have the bone)
6 good-sized pork ribs

For the apricot barbecue glaze:

2 large apricots
2 rounded tablespoons soft dark brown sugar
2 fluid ounces Worcestershire sauce
2 fl ozs light soy sauce
1 tablespoon grated (or finely chopped) fresh ginger
1 rounded teaspoon ginger powder
A few drops of tabasco sauce
2 tablespoons tomato puree
1 clove garlic
Freshly milled black pepper

1  Begin by placing the apricots in a small saucepan with enough water to cover them, then bring them up to simmering point and simmer for 2 minutes.  Now drain off the water and, as soon as they are cool enough to handle, slip off the skins.  Then halve and stone them and place the flesh in a blender or food processor together with all the other glaze ingredients.  Whizz everything to a puree and the sauce is ready!

2  All you need to do now is arrange the lamb and pork in a shallow dish, pour the glaze over them - turning the pieces of meat so that each one gets a good coating - then cover and leave in a cool place until you're ready to cook.

3  When you light the charcoal pre-cook the chicken drumsticks as above then, when your charcoal is at the right heat, brush the drumsticks with the glaze and cook for about 5 minutes on each side about 3 inches from the coals.  The ribs and cutlets will need about 6 minutes on each side, but take the lamb off before 12 minutes if you like it very rare.

4  If you like, you can scrape any sauce that's left in the dish into a small saucepan, add a glass of white wine to it, and bring it all up to simmering point to give some extra sauce.  Serve the barbecued glazed meats with small new potatoes, pasta or long grain rice (whichever you prefer), a crisp salad and some very robust red wine!

(I don't have a picture of these, but it is a very good recipe.)

Because it's a Saturday I have included some light-hearted humour for you, which I hope you will enjoy.

Two blondes walk into a building - you'd think at least one of them would have seen it!

Phone answering machine message: "If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key!"

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.  The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I couldn't find any.

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli - a strong currant pulled him in.

A man recovered in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I've cut off your hands."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.  "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." And he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then he checks  his teeth.  Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? - because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really bloody heavy!"

What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

Guy does into the doctor's.
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse."
"How's that?"
"Oh, don't you bloody start."

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"  I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

I went to a Seafood Disco last week, and pulled a muscle.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the craft.  It sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.  Police say that he topped himself.

Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head.  Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on that."

"Doctor, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
Doc says, "That sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common, Doc?"
"It's not unusual."

Apparently, one in five people in the world is Chinese.There are five people in my family, so one of them must be Chinese.  It's either my mum or my dad - or my older brother Colin - or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu - but I think it's Colin.

I hope you are all enjoying your summer if you are in the Northern hemisphere.  I've noticed that the nights are beginning to draw in already.  After having an eight-month winter over here, I am definitely not looking forward to cold weather any time soon, but yesterday was so blisteringly hot that it was hard to cope with, minus all the luxuries such as air con and swimming pools!  I nearly went for a paddle in the horse pond at one point!

What I love most about August - an excuse to decorate the garden for summer parties with friends and family, picking fresh courgettes, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce and radishes straight from the garden and eating new potatoes cooked with mint. Picnics with friends in beautiful gardens.  Long, lazy afternoons spent relaxing in the garden.  Lots of homemade icecream.  Enjoying barbecues, going to the beach, taking a dip in the sea (although the water is always cold!)

Dan is happily playing around the horsepond yet again.  This time he is pressure-washing our little rowing boat to get rid of all the  moss and algae accumulated over last winter.  I daren't go out as he has a wicked sense of humour, and it's a warm day!

What 'silly' activities do the men around here get up to, I wonder.  If you haven't been chased by a man with a pressure washer, you haven't lived, is all I can say!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, wherever you live!