Tuesday 13 August 2013

A Lesson in Spanking

The sunshine woke me early drifting across my pillow, doves cooing loudly in the trees outside.  I rolled over on to my back and put my hand out to stroke my Starman's chest, but felt nothing but an empty place. I glanced at the clock and it said 6.45am.  My eyelids drooped.  When I woke up next time, it was to the sound of a mug of coffee being placed on my bedside table.  I stretched blissfully and wriggled luxuriously.It was now 7.35am. Dan had woken early and had been chatting to Number One Son before he disappeared off to work. 

We sat, propped up by pillows, idly discussing the next few days.  If anyone thinks preparing houses for sale is easy, they need to move into the Starsong household for a bit.  I'm not even going to try to describe the various stresses and strains involved, but I would like to say a very big thank you to those of you who have emailed or chatted to me and done your best to cheer me up! 

A BIG THANK YOU!!!

Coupled with the fact that we haven't yet gotten a date for Dan's next hospital visit, a MIL who hasn't been too well lately and is having hospital visits herself, a daughter who is about to give birth in three weeks' time, and a son who is struggling to get a 'very old cottage' habitable before the winter (he'll never do it, we know it's going to be impossible, so it's making him very grumpy), we are past "exhaustion" and both feel like pieces of elastic without any stretch left in them.

So as we are chatting about this and that, my hand starts wandering, then my leg, then the other hand, and the other leg, and Dan sits there and says that his arm hurts and tells me how exhausted he is, and that he hasn't got any energy left and not to bother stroking him because nothing's going to happen.

I keep on, because I love a challenge.  And pretty soon there is a result.  So I stop, and I question him more closely about our week, and it becomes obvious that we only have this morning to ourselves without having to gallop up and rush around. 

Dan shows me his arm, where a horsefly has bitten him.  It is red and swollen.  He says he hasn't enough energy to do any spanking, if that's what I am after. I immediately remind him of our dear friend Bas, who once told me all Dan had to do was "lift arm up, slap hand down, lift arm up, slap hand down - easy!"  

I am sent to retrieve a couple of implements from their secret lair.  I joyfully return with our lovely Rose paddle, and for some strange reason, entirely beyond me, the walnut salad server.  

At this point, all I have in mind is play, and I happily scramble across Dan's lap.  We are both chuckling and he sets to and spanks me with his hand, alternating with a stroke here, and a stroke there.  I wriggle a bit.  I can feel the warmth begin to flow over my butt cheeks.  His hand rests lightly on my lower back and I feel very relaxed.  

After a minute or two the warmth begins to feel more "tropical", and although I am still in seventh heaven, it is building enough to make me squirm.

Then the strokes change.  A lot more slappy.  A lot more stingy.  I know without asking that the Rose paddle has come into the equation.  I am beginning to say 'Ow!' and 'Ouch' and my wriggles are not quite as comfortable as they were.  I begin to feel breathless, and conversation has become more one-sided - Dan is still talking, but I have enough to contend with. I wonder when it is going to stop.  My rump is now burning somewhat fiercely.

The strokes change again.  Only Dan's hand keeps me horizontal.  I try to relax, but can't.  I know the feel of wood, especially when it keeps hitting the same darned spot.  I am becoming much more vocal.  What happened to the fun?!  My butt feels as if it's blazing. Dan is attacking my sit spots like they are going out of fashion.  I start to howl.  I am rolling my hips, trying to escape that vile implement.  At one point I nearly scream.  

In no uncertain words I am told to be quiet.  I asked for this, and frankly, Dan feels that he should have done it days ago.  

He is holding me firmly to him, his hand pressing me into his lap, giving me no room to manoeuvre.  I try to tell him how much it hurts when he keeps spanking the same spot, but he simply repeats the famous line that "it's meant to hurt", and continues a rapid volley. I begin to sob.  I am a little afraid.  Not of Dan, but because I don't think I can do this.  It's horrible.  It's changed from something pleasant into something unendurable.  

I can hardly get my breath.  I am crying hard, and I am shouting "Please.."  

"Please carry on, or please stop?" Dan asks me, and doesn't let up for a second.

I lie there biting the pillowcase in anguish, my shoulders heaving.  I am very emotional.  I cannot think for myself.  

Then I realise Dan has stopped and is stroking my bottom.  I am too worn out to lift my head and just lie there.  

Eventually my breaths slow and I lever myself back up to sit next to him, but it hurts and I lie sprawled on my side with my head on his stomach.  I am shell-shocked.  

Dan has lost all his tiredness and miraculously feels rejuvenated.  (I can see he is rejuvenated - the signs are a mere two inches away from me!)  

He is reassuring me with his hands and with loving words. I feel like a timid deer, caught in headlights on full beam.  We give our love to each other slowly, savouring each touch, not wanting to hurry, just cherish.

Dan tells me once again that he'll take spanking over the 'little blue pills' any day.  I am still mulling over what has taken place between us.  

All day Dan has been in a good mood.  He has laughed, joked, teased me, like he hasn't for a week or more. It may not have completely cured his stress, but the levels are definitely considerably reduced. 

For me, I have been calm; serene almost.  

Something has changed.  I am out of my comfort zone.  I have never felt quite so vulnerable.

"I spanked you for a solid 15 minutes" Dan told me.  

It felt like a "solid" 15 minutes!!!  It is the end of the day and I still have big, dark red patches, but no purple bruises like other times.  I still feel tender, but have had no trouble sitting on the wooden kitchen chairs, just a little discomfort initially.

It is how it has affected me mentally.  

Our 'fun' spanking turned into something else.  Dan has upped the ante, raised the bar, pushed my limits. But whilst it has helped him, and calmed me, I am wondering for the first time ever, whether I ought to have a safe word, or at least, a word to tell him that I can't cope.  Do any of you do this?  It has honestly never occurred to me.  Now, I am not so sure.  Would it be weak of me?  Or would I use it when I didn't really need to?  

Because this spanking must have been just what was needed for both of us.  

He would never, ever harm me, even by mistake, but it is as if my every defence has been stripped away, as if my soul has been laid bare.  I can't even believe I am writing this.  

If any of you lot would like to give me an opinion, I hope you will do so.  Does this 'pivotal moment' happen to everyone sooner or later?  What do we do? 

Answers on a postcard....

 




31 comments:

  1. I think everyone should have a safe word, you could have a cramp or something serious happening and he would have to know about it. But it should be used SO sparingly. If you'd had it thinking back now, would you have used it, SHOULD you have used it or are you happy with the eventually results. I've never used my safe word, usually I get less than I want, not more. But Nick has told me to use RED for Stop, something's wrong and YELLOW for, I need a short break or you have to ease up just a little.

    I hope you get everything you must done this week. I don't plan to ever move again. If Mollie puts me in a home some day, she'll have to deal with it!

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    1. I think this is something we are going to have to talk about. It has never even crossed my mind before. I am still processing what took place. This was definitely the "little bit more" that we are always talking about. Usually, like you, I long for "more" or at least "more often"! I like the thought of Red and Yellow. Actually you have a point about cramp - it is something I occasionally get in the calves of my legs. But in this case I was kicking too much to get that!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  2. You have been very busy lately. I can imagine why you needed some stress-relief and relaxation. While intense it sounds as though the after was just what you needed and you both are feeling the calmness and connection.
    As for a safe word...when I first introduced my secret desires of wanting to be spanked I shared some of the readings I had found, including the topic of safe words. At the time it was not really necessary as hubby hadn't spanked me more than a love tap but we came up with a word anyways...I still can't imagine that I will ever need it...but it's there so long as I remember it. :-) Please take care...hope life is less stressful soon for you. Hugs

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    1. The "after" was quite amazing. More amazing than ever before. I am still relatively calm and it has been days, and very stressful days with getting the house ready for sale. Dan has also appeared to be much 'closer' than usual. In a good mood and so nice and soothing towards me. It has made me want to beaver away without any of my usual complaining. So it has certainly had a positive result. I am still considering a safe word but we will have to discuss it more first.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  3. I can't say because our dynamic is different and when I say stop, it stops. I don't need a safeword. I do know there are days when I can take more than others and I am sure others feel the same so I think everyone should be able to have a point where they say stop and it stops. I think a person would be more comfortable having one and knowing you could use it at you discretion.

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    1. The thing is that I have never said, or had to say, "Stop" before. Never even considered it. Maybe there are days when we can take more. The feeling of being pushed out of your comfort zone is a strange one. On reflection, would I want to go there again? Yes, I think I would. Mainly because the 'after effects' have been so significant. Ours is a strange 'hybrid' kind of dynamic, so it may be sensible to have a safe word. But at this moment in time, I can't really see me having to use one.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  4. I have always had a safe word. It keeps us both safe. A few times a year Dragon pushes me to use it. Thinking about it, we are past due one of THOSE spankings. Yikes. He needs to know I will use my words and I need to know it is okay to use them.

    Our men are not mind readers. They need to know when something isn't right. We use the stop light. Green is good. Yellow tells him that I am getting close to my limit and red is stop.

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    1. I like the way you have three words. Dan often used to ask, mid spanking, how I was and if I wanted him to continue. I can't remember when he stopped doing that, but it is hard to have a conversation when you are yelling "Ow!" or having a "good" cry. So to be able to just say one word would be very helpful. This spanking has had a definite impact on the both of us, but we've not had the time to sit down and discuss it yet. Maybe we are moving more into the realms of "longer spankings". I don't know. Or maybe the gradual "build up" of heat made more of an impression on me than the usual fast intensive spanking I am used to. It was when it had gone past that fiery build up that I realised things were more serious and that he was the one with the control. I would probably have said "Yellow". Thanks for this Rose.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  5. I think safe words are good for everyone. Some never use it and others do. Does it make you weak? Absolutely not!!!! It makes you smart. Here's a link to a post tori just wrote about safe words. http://www.painspleasure.blogspot.com/2013/08/no-expiry-date.html

    Hugs!!

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    1. Thank you for assuring me I wouldn't be weak if I had one. Hopefully I wouldn't need to use it at all, but at least it would be there. I will go to your link once I have read my comments. It's very helpful to have something to read about someone else.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  6. I do not have a safe word....but I feel that if I said I couldn't take anymore or stop he would.
    It certainly seems as if you both benefited from the activity, so ask him what he thinks.

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    1. This was the "little bit more" we have often discussed. Very different when it actually takes place. It has affected my emotions like no spanking I have ever had before. The after effects are much long-lasting and the feelings of almost serenity. I still need time to process it, but would I want to 'go there again'? Yes, I think I would.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  7. Wow your stress levels are so high :( but this looks like exactly what the doc ordered :)

    As with safe words, we have " can't take no more" simple and easy but with meaning. It's for a real stop right now, something is wrong situation. I have used it twice since we started and both with good reason.

    Sorry have to take kids to nursery, but will write you a longer email :)

    Hugs x

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    1. I think, on reflection, that this was better than what the Doc ordered! I just didn't know it at the time. It has also helped me understand some of the things other people here talk about from time to time. It wasn't the 'hardest' spanking I have had, but it was the first one to stir up my emotions and feeling of vulnerability to the extent it did.

      I am completely exhausted from all our work on the house this last few weeks, and especially yesterday with the photographer coming; yet I am calm. The effects of this spanking have far out-weighed the event itself.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  8. I don't have a safe word but I could just get up if I want to. He doesn't hold me in position. I've only ever done that once though.

    Callie

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    1. Dan always puts his hand on my lower back, or wraps it round my waist and holds me to him. Depends upon whether I am over his lap or over the end of the bed. I only ever shot up once, and that was when we tried out a plastic coathanger. After the second strike I was up and off that bed in the blinking of an eye and hopping around the bedroom!

      This was a long, slow burning build up, which I am not very used to. Usually it is fast and intense with little or no lead in. Then the slow realisation that it had turned into a serious spanking. And then the knowledge that he was the one who was in control. You see - I still have a lot to learn.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  9. Getting everything ready to sell a house is big stress so even though the spanking was very intense it sounds like you both needed it. Personally I think everyone should have a safe word.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. I think this spanking came at exactly the right time for us. But this time, Dan pushed my limits without me even considering that he may be going to do so.

      The after effects have been much longer lasting and I am now beginning to wonder if he might do it again. Hopefully we will get some time to discuss how we both felt about it, and whether we need a safe word or not. I do, however, think a 'nearing my limits' word would be a very good idea.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  10. Hi Ami,
    I'm not sure what to say, so I'll just babble and you can take from it what you want. We do not have a safe word here, b/c there isn't much play in how we approach DD and yet at the same time a lot of it is for stress relief and to get the angst out. If I were to be in some sort of odd pain and told MM, he would stop immediately but we have talked about this and I have come to trust him to take me to that vulnerable place. He decides when it is over. It's not comfortable--neither the pain of that kind of spanking or where it leaves you later. I can only speak for my own relationship, but that vulnerable place can also be a very safe one if we take the time with each other. My husband needs to know that when I'm in that place he must check on me multiple times that day. I need lots of hugs and often I need to talk later.

    So...all that to say--are you okay with the vulnerability and if so, what would make it feel safer for you? If you are not and you don't want a spanking to go so deep and leave you so open, maybe a safe word is a good idea and something to put in place for at least a time.

    In our experience deep is very good...but you have to want to go there, or it can be a scary place.

    It would be interesting to know what he processed out of this time with you, b/c it seemed to give him some serious energy and a reset of his own. I sure hope you've had a good talk about it Ami.

    I'm done babbling now. :)

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    1. Susie, if I may, I'll email you, because I think you could probably answer several of my questions. This spanking has changed things emotionally (in a good way I hasten to add), and now Dan and I need to consider and discuss how our dynamic is changing.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  11. HI Ami,

    Getting a house ready for sale is so stressful let alone everything else you have on your plate. It's no wonder the stress levels are high!

    I'm sorry the spanking was so intense, but it sounds as though the end result was positive for both of you. As for safe words, I think having a safe word is sensible and it absolutely does not make you weak. It provides an extra degree of 'comfort' for both parties.

    We have one and Rick says it makes him feel more comfortable in the knowledge he is not pushing me beyond my endurance.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Only having moved once - twelve feet across the yard - I hate everything there is to hate about moving! Ugh! But at least most of the work is over now and the photographer has been. Just got to endure strangers walking around our home now!

      The end result of the spanking has been an eye-opener. Even with all our stress we have been calm and loving towards one another. He stripped my control away and I feel very cherished. It's such a strange thing. We haven't had a chance to discuss it yet, but I think I would feel more comfortable to have some sort of a safe word, even just one to tell him to slow down a bit. I just didn't want to feel even more of a wimp than I am, as we often 'play' quite intensely. It's good to hear that Rick feels more comfortable with you having one. Thanks Roz.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  12. Hi Ami, oh my goodness what a lot you have going on. I don't have a safe word because we know each other so well and he would know if I really wanted him to stop, I think it is a good idea though, if it has crossed your mind then yes you do need one. I think you need to be careful not to use it too often though, My beloved said No we didn't because if I actually said no he would stop, mostly I just whimper and squeal!
    Hope you okay
    love Jan.xx

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    1. The thing is that I thought Dan would always know if I was getting to my limits, but I think they can get caught up in the moment too. It has crossed my mind that I could say Stop and not really mean it. I wouldn't want that because usually I have deserved every single spank I get, and if we are just playing, I often ask him for just a 'few more'. The 'squealing' I can definitely identify with!

      I am fine. Very exhausted, but still relatively calm. Won't be when people start coming to view! Horrible!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  13. Hi Ami,
    Sorry I am late to your post.
    We have a safe word, more for Roosters benefit. He is so afraid of hurting me however, I have never come close to even thinking about using it. In the long run it is a smart thing to have. I think I would only use it if I had a cramp, chest pains, hyperventilating.....I think anyway. But there needs to be some way to communicate if you are in serious trouble, especially with your history.
    But I also think you should think about how you both felt after, and how long that feeling lasted. Days? That kind of spanking isn't fun, but were the results worth it?
    Hugs

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    1. Hi Blue Bird! I like to hear the word is more for Rooster's benefit, but that you think it is an okay thing to have. You are right, it would probably be very sensible for me to have one, at least an amber light!

      Afterwards, I have to tell you, we were both knocked sideways about the way we felt about each other. That, alone, was mind boggling. Even with all the stress with the house, I still feel relatively calm - exhausted, but calm! Dan has been more loving and attentive than I can remember for a long time.

      The spanking itself was not very nice, but the results! Emotionally, it's as if I've been on happy pills since last Tuesday! It's only those of you who have been there yourselves, who will understand the feeling. Will it happen again? Knowing Dan, I would be prepared to bet on it.

      Hugs

      Ami

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    2. Ami,
      I have never been yet where you are. We.....he is still finding his way. Hopefully soon, we will see. : )

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  14. Hello Ami,

    I'm new to your blog, but certainly not new to your experience. The first time I found myself in this type of state was the first ever "punishment" session J and I did. I was weeping from the experience of it and believed that he was really disappointed/upset/angry with me to have spanked me so hard & much. We had a discussion about it, and it cleared a lot of what went through my head at the moment.

    More recently I received a spanking from him for "stress relief" purposes and found myself at a whole new level of vulnerable. Like you, all I could think to say in the moment was "please". And he very much responded like Dan had. I suppose 'please' isn't a very clear message for something like that... ;)

    For me I didn't want to say "stop" so much as "I'm struggling". I felt like I should try to get through it, even it if was extremely difficult, and simply accept what he was giving me. It is hard for me to tell Sir if he is close to my 'limit' when I'm not even sure where that is myself, and it feels like such a contradiction to the goal of being submissive (when in the moment).

    We have never had a safe word, although we talked about it at the beginning. But what I DO know is if I ever said "too much" he would listen. I try to stay away from establishing words like "no" or "stop" as my go-to in case I find myself in a state of particular defiance. I figure those are easier phrases to use if I'm just in a MOOD. Saying "Too Much" indicates a sort of admittance that he has effected me, so I prefer it as it keeps with the submissive state I try to maintain.

    Only my two cents on the matter. Hope it helps! Have a good move!

    ~Autumn

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    1. Hi Autumn, and welcome, and thank you for stopping by to comment. What you have said is very helpful to me. If I may, I'll reply paragraph by paragraph.

      1 I, too, have felt Dan's disappointment/upset/anger when he has spoken to me before or during a spanking, although truth be told, he doesn't do much in the way of speaking whilst spanking. But I usually get most of my disciplinary spankings due to my attitude and temper tantrums. We are a very strange hybrid of DD and TTWD, and don't go in for lots of rules. What we do have are centred mainly around respect and being safe. I also get warnings if I am getting out of hand. Most of 'that' type of spanking is short and very, very intense. Dan goes for 'rapid fire' and will think nothing of spanking the same spot 12 to 15 times before moving on to another spot. This spanking was different because it started out as 'play', moved to 'stress relief/maintenance/role affirmation, and then suddenly I became aware it had turned into something serious. Dan was very much in control, and knew when he was going to stop - but I didn't, and I think I was getting just a bit frantic, as I was being taken past my limits and out of my comfort zone.

      2 The stress relief spankings are reasonably regular in this household and I actually asked for one recently because they do me so much good! But they don't particularly make me feel vulnerable. I admit to enjoying them nearly as much as erotic spankings. I agree that to say 'Please' isn't much help to the person spanking you. My thought was 'Please stop', but luckily he didn't, although he didn't continue for too long afterwards, just to teach me that he was the one making the decision when to stop, and not me.

      3 Everything you say here I agree with. I wanted to get through it, to endure it, but I was struggling not only physically but emotionally. (I'm not the most submissive of people!)

      4 I was once spanked when I was angry all the way through, and even afterwards and all day. So for me, to say Stop, would not be a good idea, and Dan understands that he should continue if I do that. But to have a word I could use showing an Amber Light, might be a good idea. I found it was the 'emotional' confusion that was the most difficult. He took every single bit of my control away from me. I thought that had happened many times before, but now I know I was wrong, and that I had been clinging on to a little bit of control. The after effects have been very worthwhile, and even with all our stress at the moment, I am retaining a level of calm, and Dan has been very attentive towards me this week, and very loving.

      Your two cents was great, and thank you very much! We are only planning on moving back into the farmhouse (we live in the barn at the moment) and the housing market is poor still, so it may take a long time....

      Hugs

      Ami

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  15. WE don't have one, but I suppose it's not a bad idea. I also haven't received a spanking like that, but I'd like to...

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    1. Oh Renee, you crack me up! All I can say is you've described a good few of them! And hand on heart, I am still thinking about this one. I am still trying to get my head around the way it turned from play into something so much more. I now totally understand what a slow, burning, build-up can really be like. I just wasn't expecting it. He stripped my emotions bare. And not even what I would call a bruise! Just an extremely red, hot, bott!

      Hugs

      Ami

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