Saturday 8 August 2015

Dan's View on Back Seat Drivers

Ella from Ella Ever After recently made an excellent meme which a great many of us completed. It was great fun, but there was one question that caused me to think.

"What is the submissive action or inaction of which you are most proud?" 

Many bloggers mentioned sitting next to their husbands when they were driving. It seems this is like being in the "hot seat" and the risks of extremely unsubmissive behaviour are very great.



I know that over the years we have had more incidents due to me opening my mouth when Dan is driving, than any other time. To a certain extent we still do, but I am hundreds of times better than I used to be in this respect, and mostly manage to keep quiet and not make disparaging remarks. If I do say something Dan either dislikes or disagrees with, he will suddenly land an extremely hard spank to as much of the inside of my right thigh as he can reach with his left hand. 

I usually jump a mile, give a loud squeak and clamp my thighs together. This spank hurts, the inside of a thigh is very tender, and the effects can be felt for a very long time even through jeans. So far these spanks are the most effective means of shutting me up. So effective that even Dan has noticed my lack of back seat driving these days. 

But he had another lesson for me.

So, fast forward to yesterday. It was a day that would have tried the patience of a saint, and believe me, Dan is no saint when he's feeling irate.

The problem started a week ago with him bending down to pick something up in our yard, and his mobile fell from his breast pocket and down on to the concrete. Dan stared at it in horror. Mobile phones are one modern techno item that Dan has fully embraced. He has one of these all singing all dancing models. Alas, the screen was smashed into an intricate spider web. Dan nursed the poor thing back into the kitchen and lovingly taped it up with sellotape.




(This could be Dan, only it isn't.)

It was pretty hopeless, and although he coped with it for a week, the poor thing virtually needed mouth to mouth resuscitation to survive. 

So yesterday Dan decided enough was enough and he needed a new screen.

We made the journey into our nearest big town. I needed to visit the dentist and Dan strode off down the hill to the shops. He investigated several mobile phone outlets, his hair turning greyer and greyer at the price quoted for the repairs, until he at last found a dear little shop, half hidden away in what we call a shopping centre and most of the rest of the world call a mall. They promised to have it repaired like new by 4pm, and for less than half the price all the other shops had quoted him. 

I finished at the dentist and asked Dan to meet me just around the corner from his repair shop as I wanted to go and look around the i-store as I was interested in purchasing a tablet. All my friends have i-pads and I was feeling very left out. As my computer is playing tricks on me all the time, due to its antiquity, I have been secretly saving to buy my own i-pad. They are very expensive in the UK and certain large stores are advertising a considerable chunk of money off them, so I thought I would go and get all the info from the proper i-store, and then buy elsewhere. Ha! Can you feel an "Ami" adventure approaching?

By the time Dan had told me the benefits of the Galaxy tablet, my ears were numb. But although I was not disrespectful, I held my ground. A determined Ami is very determined indeed! And by the time the nice young woman had shown us all the things an i-pad is capable of doing, Dan had done a U-turn in his thinking. But he did agree that we ought to buy elsewhere.



We had a leisurely coffee sitting in the garden of a pub Dan frequents when he is in town for football matches (the season starts on Tuesday and I shall once more become a footy widow) and then we went home.

We only had around three hours before Dan would need to return to collect his mobile, so I busied myself with little chores like laundry and watering the plants, while Dan marched backwards and forwards getting underfoot and driving me up the wall. He was like a smoker who has suddenly found himself without his nicotine fix. I had never realised he checked his phone so often, or did so much with the blessed thing. I even offered him my phone, but he was a bit scathing about that. I wonder why?

By three o'clock he suggested to me that I went with him and that we would stop en route at one of the aforesaid large stores and see if they had the model of i-pad I was interested in and if they were still doing the deal.



He drove quite fast. He swore at several drivers and when a woman in a silly little Fiat undertook him and nearly took off the side of his car at a roundabout, I thought he was going to explode. (I wonder if they have a remedy for mobile phone withdrawal symptoms?) I made the odd comment about his speed, but on the whole I thought I did quite well.

He swept into the car park near the store and immediately had a loud altercation with another individual who tried to take his parking spot whilst he was trying to reverse into it. I did a lot of teeth gnashing.

We found a charming assistant in the store who was very keen to sell us an i-pad and took us (once again) through all its most desirable features. Finally we left the store with me clutching my precious purchase to my chest.



(Well, you didn't really think I'd insert a picture of that did you?) 


Our trip back into the town centre went smoothly and we collected Dan's phone, together with a smart little leather case to keep it in (Dan hates this, but I said that it would most certainly prevent any further mishaps and he felt obliged to agree with me) so that the next time he bends down in the yard it will bounce and come to no harm.

We drove home and I immediately sat and unwrapped my new tablet. I had a grin from ear to ear.

The grin vanished in the twinkling of an eye when I became convinced they had sold me the wrong tablet. I showed it to Dan and he suggested I rang the service helpline. It luckily wasn't in India, but it was hundreds of miles from where we live. The gentleman the other end agreed with me and even Googled the box. He, too, thought I had been sold the wrong one.

What to do?

I suggested we return the next day, but Dan was adamant we go back as soon as we had eaten dinner. (So a quick Chinese stir fry for us!) It didn't take too long to prepare and we ate it quite quickly as with all the toing and froing we were starving.



This time Dan drove much faster than the speed limit (I know, because the little computer thingy kept going "ding"). The car park at the store was nearly empty as they were near to closing time. We anxiously approached the customer help desk. Yet another young woman (they are simply everywhere these days and they all have size D bosoms!) looked Dan in the eye, quickly scanned the i-pad box, and told us smugly that indeed we had the correct item. Dan scowled at me and I smiled lovingly back.

He asked if I would drive home. 

Every inch of the way till we got on the dual carriageway, Dan told me which lane to drive in, when to indicate, how fast to drive, and which way to head.



As we approached the fast road I put my pedal to the metal, the twin turbs kicked in, and I plastered Dan back against his seat, overtaking three large trucks just coming from the docks, and several stupid dithering drivers out for an afternoon stroll.

We then had this little conversation, around half way back to our home, when we had both calmed down, and we laughed at ourselves for behaving like obstreperous teenagers.

"Is this how I used to act?"

"No. You were far worse."

"Was I really? Surely not. You were so awful today."

"Yes, you really were. Remember the time in France?"

"Oh, yes, I remember."

(How could I ever forget? It was the summer before we started dd/ttwd. Just before I keyed in the famous word spanking on my computer. We were in some small unassuming town in the middle of France and I had a big strop because Dan was driving the wrong way. He stopped right in the middle of a roundabout - it was early morning - got out and ordered me to drive. He made me drive for the next four hundred miles!)

"Don't think I can't see your foot go down on the floor. Don't think I don't notice your hands holding the sides of your seat. Don't think I can't see your mouth set in a line and your lips sealed in pain." Dan's eyebrow lifted.

"But I try my best not to say anything. You must have noticed how quiet I am these days." I kept my eyes to the front.

"Oh yes, you're quiet enough. But you could cut the tension with a knife."

"We've had several comments on the blogs about this back set driving and it seems that most wives feel it is quite hard to just sit there, but they feel it is important to do so."

"Hmmm..."

"But Dan? They were saying that they even sit and keep their mouths shut if their husbands go in the wrong direction. I told them you would be mad if I did that."

"Well, I would. It would waste both time, effort and fuel. If you knew the way, and I didn't, and you let me end up getting lost or driving 50 miles out of our way, I would be furious with you. But..."

"But what?"

"You can tell me I'm going wrong without yelling at me, or constantly telling me how to drive."

"So what do you think I should say? You do have a tendency to get very defensive."

"You could say something like this - I know you disagree, Dan, but I think you are going in the wrong direction. I won't say any more, but I thought I would just let you know I think we took the wrong road."

"And would you listen to that?"

"If I don't listen, I only have myself to blame. If I end up lost, or 50 miles from where we should be, I only have myself, as the driver, to blame. I was the one who made the decision."

I sat for a minute digesting this.

"So back there, the way you were picking on my driving...?"

"Was how you used to act all the time."

"You nearly did my head in, Dan. I could hardly concentrate on what I was doing. You made me feel really angry."

"Exactly."

"I've never known you to be like that when I drive. You usually sit and don't say a word about my driving. On long journeys you even fall asleep."

"Exactly. See how much better it is not to keep digging at me?"

"But I didn't say anything today, even when you shouted at that man when you were trying to park. I just sympathised with you. And all I did when you went faster than the speed limit was to ask you what that little "ding" was."

"As I said, you are much better than you used to be. But you need to relax more. You were the one who always used to fall asleep the minute you set foot in my car. I used to drive hundreds of miles every week. I'm quite capable you know."

"But you do have a way of nipping off down side turnings."

Dan chuckled. 

"Yet in all my years of driving I've only ever had one speeding ticket, and I've always kept you safe, Ami."

"Good point, well made, Mr Grey."



30 comments:

  1. Oh, Ami! Please be very careful if you quote me. It has a way of coming back to bite me in the ass. There could be a whole book written on the problems of sitting in the passenger seat while your spouse is driving. EVEN if you are driving on the wrong side of the road. (Sorry! Couldn't resist.) If you can be submissive in that seat, you are to be held in the highest regard.

    Hugs Across the Pond,
    Ella

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    1. I honestly thing someone around here should do a ten-point checklist for every wife to follow when sitting in the passenger seat. It would make hilarious reading!

      Wrong side of the road, hey?! LOL! Hmmmm...now let me see. They drive on the left in Japan, in New Zealand, in Australia, in India, in Sri Lanka.....Shall I go on?

      (I love being teased like this. We would get on so well - I also always have a sassy reply!)

      Hugs
      Ami

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  2. Dan had an interesting way of getting his point across didn't he. I just keep my mouth shut and if I start stressing, simply close my eyes...that always had a way of keeping me off pillows. ;) You two so crack me up Ami.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. I am so glad I crack you up, dear Cat. I so wish you had been in that car when I narrowed my eyes and put my foot down.

      And what's this about pillows? Did someone forget to tell me that there is a comfortable way to be spanked?!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  3. You two are funny.....Master always...always drives....saves my bottom and us from getting lost...win/win.
    hugs abby

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    1. You are very fortunate. But you see, Abby, we both like driving and driving fast. We used to do rallies and competitions in our younger days. Now, of course, the problem is two Alphas who both think they know best. It leads to lots of disagreements. Or it used to.

      Strangely enough, that "sample" of what I can be like when I am a passenger, has really made an impression on me. I didn't like it at all.

      As for getting lost. I have a husband who solidly refuses to read a map. Ever. As a consequence we have visited some neighbourhoods on our travels you absolutely do not want to get a flat tyre in.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  4. always hard being in the passenger seat and not being a back seat driver. Dan seemed to get his point across though this way. Have fun with your new i-pad Ami.
    Lindy x

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    1. So far, that i-pad has given me a whole new perspective of submission. No more back seat driving for me.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  5. Hi Ami, I can relate to the swat to the thigh. It certainly stops you in your tracks doesn't it. Ouch! Rick usually always drives, and I 'try' to keep my mouth shut lol. Interesting discussion between you and it seems Dan certainly made his point.

    Funny how the passenger seat seems to be one of the most dangerous places for a ttwd bottom to be. Literally lol

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Oh, Roz, do I take it you are a 'swat on the thigh' buddy? I am so pleased and relieved if that is the case.

      I had never realised just how dangerous the passenger seat can be until now.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  6. Dan and you have a wonderful way of sorting things out.
    I really have to zip my mouth when P drives, but I struggle not to hit the imaginary brake pedal with my foot - I'm sure he senses me tense. It's never easy being a passenger, P and I swap about quite a bit, but I've never driven his car with him in the passenger seat - that would be tempting a nightmare drive!
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Yes, we swap around quite a bit. I much prefer driving Dan's car as it is more comfortable and much faster than mine, but when I am a passenger, my right foot almost gets glued to the floor. It is about the 'control' issue. We just have different styles, but all of a sudden he has decided to address the "back seat driving issue. I think he made his point, and later he made in on my backside too!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  7. I'm with the rest of you. I try to keep quiet and not watch, sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. Like Dan, Ray has always kept us safe even driving the RV but I find myself sitting in the back of the bus or sleeping or reading in the car. Saves us both the aggravation.

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    1. LOL! I love your viewpoint. But I can't read when being driven, except for maps, and even then I start to feel sick.

      In future I shall keep my body language to myself! LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  8. First of all thanks Ami for answering my comment over at Meredith's. I've just seen it, sorry. Just to clarify in case that came across wrong and you were referring to me, I could never keep my mouth shut if we'd be driving in the wrong direction. What I suggested to my friend was half irony, half "well if he's angry anyway let him see where that leads him" - not very submissive I know. But I'm with you and Dan, not speaking up when it is obviously wrong is just well - wrong. And thanks to Dan for the suggestion, that might work, lol.
    So did you have the right i-pad after all?

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    1. Hi there!

      You are welcome. Any time. Meredith and I are great friends. Should you ever wish to email either of us, we always try to answer questions helpfully. Sometimes I get a bit carried away, so I will apologise for that in advance! LOL!

      I have to tell you - I was once the very worst passenger ever, when being driven by Dan. We have had so many arguments over the years due to my interference when he is driving. He wasn't happy with my body language nor my constant 'sighs'. His way of dealing with it has made a big impression on me and I am determined to be a better passenger. And a lot more respectful. After all, I don't treat my friends disrespectfully when I am a passenger in their cars.

      And yes, I did have the right i-pad after all. I have so much to learn about it. I never realised they did so much. It is going to be very useful indeed, especially where emails are concerned.

      Many thanks for your comment.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  9. Oh, back seat driving! I learnt to drive back in the 70s and my hubby traumatised me with his 'helpful' advice to the extent that I rarely drive him all these years later. I'm a so-so driver and he's very competent so it's probably better that way. I try to keep my mouth zipped but grabbing the sides of my seat and 'braking' in the passenger seat don't go unnoticed, though my thighs aren't at risk. Sounds like you had an interesting afternoon!

    Have fun with the iPad. When my husband bought mine I couldn't imagine what I'd do with it but now I don't know what I'd do without it.

    Rosie xx

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    1. Hi Rosie!

      I passed my test in the autumn of 1970 on my second attempt. Long story, but thank goodness I changed driving instructors.

      My dad took me out in his car after I had only had a couple of lessons, and I was so traumatised I made him stop the car, and I got out and walked home!

      It was an exhausting afternoon. I never thought it would be so 'interesting'!

      I am having fun with my i-pad but there is so much to learn. I am going to book myself in for lessons at the i-Store. They seem very worthwhile to me. Gulp. Although I have managed to set it up and install various Apps etc, myself. Slowly, slowly, I think.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  10. Gosh Ami I am the absolute worse back seat driver! The Scotsman's hand often lands on my thigh after many of my angry or stressed comments trying to control his driving!
    I am trying because it stresses everyone in the car and I sound like a harpy!
    Recently on our long drive for an overnight away I did sooo much better!
    I love your explanation with Dan showing how it comes across! I'll show this to my guy!
    Great on the new machine! Lol

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    1. Although I still find it difficult, at times, to sit and not get myself into a lather, I am much better and calmer when being driven. There is nothing like a sharp splat on the thigh to settle me down! LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  11. I am more than happy to let my man drive...and I say nothing...sometimes I really ought to - once I was so certain that he knew where he was going more than me that I didn't say anything until after he missed the turn...then there was the time that he almost went through a stop light - again I was trying not to interfere with his driving and when I finally called out "Red light" he stopped and told me is is okay to let him know these things...usually I am very confidant in his driving and glad to just be the passenger. :-) Hugs

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    1. If I didn't say anything, and we missed a turning, Dan would have kittens. Literally! I usually enjoy my role as navigator and am much more reliable than the Sat Nav. But now I do try to be calm and polite and it has made a big difference.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  12. Ami,
    We are still away and enjoying ourselves. Giving Jack instructions when he is driving, or telling him that my route is better are not good things to do. He is an excellent driver, but my routes was excellent as well.
    LOL
    Meredith

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    1. Therefore you should, according to Dan, respectfully ensure Jack is aware of the 'other excellent' routes and then leave him to make the decision. LOL! I am pretty sure that some remarks I make to Dan go right in one ear and out the other!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  13. Oh Ami, I try and close my eyes! My beloved drives for a living so really and truly he doesn't do anything wrong. I am hopeless though always pushing on the floor and gasping!
    love Jan,xx

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    1. Oh, Jan (giggling), can you imagine what we would be like if we were both 'in the back seat'?!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  14. Ami

    I thought you did very well.

    My wife used to be the worlds worse at back seat driving. Then we had a blow up one day and things got better. She knows now her hiney will pay a dear price if she gets bad about it again.

    What made Dan drive so aggressively that day? It's dangerous to speed. Not to mention getting a ticket.

    Tell him by all means try to avoid confrontations. I just had one with a psycho on a bicycle last week. I just stayed in my car and let it pass.

    Take care

    Ray

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    1. Believe me, Ray, had you known me in the near past, you would not think I did well in those days! I was very critical. Luckily journeys are much more peaceful these days.

      I think Dan was having an off day, mainly due to his phone problems and then my i-pad dilemma. We clocked up a lot of miles that day. But I have to say that Dan is never dangerous; driving in the police force taught him a great deal. However, I do concede he was driving rather quickly on this particular occasion. Unfortunately there do seem to be rather more 'psychos' on the road these days than the average man can cope with!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  15. I am impressed. Especially with your conversation at he end. He explained himself well and took responsibility. But I am so glad that I wasn't in your shoes because at some point, I would not have bit my tongue and things would have ended up differently.

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    1. (Giggling uncontrollably) Blondie, I wish I could have had you as a fly on the wall! We are SUCH a pair when one or other of us is doing the driving. Neither of us 'suffer fools gladly' on the roads - it is far too dangerous to dither around. We also have a 70mph speed limit on most roads, so that is a reasonable speed to drive at, but some people WILL insist on driving around 50 and cause big snarl-ups.

      I didn't used to bite my tongue. I have improved since my butt was on the line. LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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