Sunday 31 January 2016

The Importance of Talking

If life gets you down, you need to share how you feel. You need to talk.

There are so many ways to communicate, but only one way to talkTalking involves looking into someone's eyes, and sharing information aloud.

And it is sometimes very hard to do.

I often think that I am one of the world's worst at talking with Dan. Note I said with and not to.

I want to say things, but I tend to clam up, and I get very emotional. Which doesn't help anyone.

There was a time when I was very much 'in command' at all times. 

When the going gets tough, the tough get going could have been written for me. Many is the time when I have sallied forth like a galleon in full sail. I would sweep everyone and everything out of my way in my determination to achieve an objective. 

I can even remember literally elbowing Dan out of the way once. (It didn't go down very well and we ended up having an enormous argument.) Thankfully that is at least twenty years in the past if not more. But that is how in control I used to be. With Dan away so much, it was often a case of having to be.

Now, we seem to have gone to the other extreme. In trying to stand back, I have placed the decision-making process so firmly on Dan's shoulders that when he needs to discuss something, I find it overwhelming and very often end up dissolving into tears. For no real reason except I seem to have got out of the habit of making any decisions at all.

So, what to do short of drinking lots of strong coffee on a regular basis, or strong gin and tonics, or a combination of the two? 

The answer is that I had to pull myself together, gird my loins, and talk about how I was feeling.

With that in mind I got up early, or reasonably so. We don't do 'early' very much any more. Or late. (Well, I don't at least.)

I brought our tea and coffee back to bed and decided I had to engage Dan in conversation, and instead of the usual discussion about builders, plumbers, the size of the proposed garden shed, the ordering of a second brown bin for garden waste, more lighting in the kitchen, why the steering in my car didn't feel right..... I talked to him about us.

I sat up in bed drinking my coffee, and I didn't turn on the waterworks. It was hard, and I got a lump in my throat and welled up a bit, but I stayed on course.

Like many other couples, life gets in the way for us, sometimes. More than sometimes. I was feeling neglected by Dan. He seemed to have time for everyone and everything else, but me.

He was coming to bed later and later, usually falling asleep in his armchair with the TV talking to itself. He would start to snore immediately his head touched the pillow and would rarely give my bottom its usual loving caress. There were no kisses or loving gestures during the day, let alone at night. Spanking seemed to have disappeared whence it came, and sex was but a distant memory.

It was affecting me so much that I would go to bed dog tired, then wake up around two in the morning and lie there tossing and turning until around five, when I would drop into a deep sleep and then wake up a couple of hours later feeling like I had been slammed into by a runaway train. 
So talking to him about us could not be put off for a minute longer.

I did my best to explain my feelings. I needed him to know that I wasn't resentful, just left out and lonely. I wanted very badly to get back to walking the same road instead of travelling along two different routes.

I can't remember exactly what I said to him, or what he said to me, but I do know that I explained my feelings as best I could. And I listened to what he had to say in reply. Typical Dan, he hadn't even noticed how disconnected we were becoming from each other. He simply hadn't thought about it.

But realisation dawned, and he pulled me into his chest for a long hug. His voice was quite shaky as he whispered how much he loved me.

I told him that I know only too well that I am not at all perfect, and that I need keeping in line. I said that I thought we were long past me having to ask for a de-stress or reinforcement spanking, and that I thought he was letting things slide. 

I asked him if spanking bothered him; if he was tired of it all; if he truly wanted to go back to how we had been before.

Did he want me ruling the roost and laying down the law? Talking over him? Just going ahead and making decisions without asking his opinion? Did he want to return to us living perfectly amicably, but as two strangers under the same roof?

Dan was quite horrified. He hadn't realised that in just two weeks my mind could go on a spree of misconceptions. I don't think he understood just how needy a dd/ttwd wife can be, and that we need constant reining in and reassurance. The odd pat on the head just doesn't cut it any more.

"You know," I told him, "you don't even swat my behind in passing these days. I used to really enjoy it. After all, there are only the two of us living here. Spanking doesn't have to be consigned to mornings or evenings. Neither do other things."

"Ah, but I like my comforts, Ami" he replied. "Go get the paddle."

This all took place some weeks ago. We are the better for it. The talking worked. Real talking. Not just the type where you assume your other half understands what you are on about. I found it quite painful to have this type of conversation, yet it was just what was needed.

We understand each other better, and we have gone forward once more.

I have been spanked countless times since that talk. They have all been different types of spankings, and with different implements. Some have been positively scrummy, and others not. Some have taken me completely by surprise, particularly in their intensity. We have even gone back to the occasional spanking over the footboard of the bed, instead of always over the knee, which I can assure all who are reading, is not to be recommended as it forces you forward on to your toes, and stretches the skin.

He's even begun to call our impromptu spankings "top-ups"! 

Some of these spankings have made me laugh, and some have made me cry. They have all been good for me. They have been good for Dan too! (I prefer the leather paddle and he prefers the big nipper. LOL!)

I learned a lot from our talk. Mainly that I won't let things slide for two weeks, ever again. It's not as if I am trying to talk with a stranger. It's Dan I'm talking with.

Although I do know that we never want the stress of moving house ever again, something positive has come out of the process. We like our ttwd life. We may have our hiccups along the road, but we are never going back.

Wednesday 13 January 2016

Catching Up but Feeling Glum!

It seems ages since I wrote my last post. It is not intentional - it's just that life has gone into fifth gear and there don't seem to be enough minutes in the day. And I seem to be in the middle of the most enormous fit of the 'Glums'.

Those of you who know me will know that we have had our house up for sale now for a bit over a year. It has been very tough going. Mostly due to the fire next door (last January) and the resultant 'tin canopy' that caused our neighbours' house to resemble Ely Cathedral. 

It totally put people off wanting to view our house, and we had very few viewings until it came down last October. Then we were inundated. Sometimes two or three in a day. It has been quite exhausting keeping the house clean and tidy 24/7.

But no-one seemed to want to put in an offer. Until a week before Christmas, would you believe?! A young couple with horses. They adored the house and the land and stabling was just what they were looking for, and the eight minute drive to the station for early morning commuting to London was just what they required. 

And Christmas came in the middle of everything!

So since New Year we have been shuttling back and forth to our new house with boxes and cartons of belongings, plus pictures, small items of furniture, etc.

We have hired a large skip to throw over thirty years of rubbish into, and are feverishly making sorties into the loft in the barn, and outbuildings, to fight our way through years of hoarding.

It is a nightmare of the highest order! We haven't done more than scratch the surface so far!

Just sorting through our closets is so completely horrible that I feel at times that I am going to get sucked in and never find my way out ever again!

At the same time the paperwork is being passed to and fro between our lawyers and the purchasers' lawyers. It must soon be a paper mountain! And still it goes on. Sigh!

We hope to be moved by the end of February at the earliest and by Easter at the latest. So if you wonder at my seeming disinterest and lack of participation - now you know.

So what else?

Dan had good results from his latest PSA test. It had gone down slightly from the previous one, so we are very pleased, but his annual MRI scan is coming up at the London hospital and so that is on our minds, as his operation was only on one side and he was told that there were some very tiny cancers on the other side that they would continue to monitor. Hence the regular blood tests and the MRIs. 

My MIL continues to give us concern. Her walking ability has deteriorated, although she does her best to get around, and once she is in a car she is fine. But she has decided not to undergo the shoulder replacement operation. Maybe at 88 she is right, but as it is the main cause of the pain she is in, we are not sure. She is undergoing pain management, but the doctors are not able to give her any more painkillers than she is at present taking. So Dan and his sister have discussed the future and it is all a bit depressing for my MIL who has always been so independent. However, if her situation gets worse, and she cannot manage, she will move into a lovely little granny annexe at my SIL's and that seems to be the best solution. 

The rest of our family are fine and dandy, thank goodness. We had a lovely family Christmas, and then had friends here for New Year. Lots of work, but it took our minds off moving for a while, and we were able to laugh and joke together. 

We have had one of the mildest winters on record over here in the UK. Mild and wet. 

Too wet. The flooding has been pretty diabolical. The weather forecasters tell us that it is a taste of things to come. I feel so sorry for those poor folk up north who have been flooded out of their homes not once, but two or three times over the holiday period. Places that have never been flooded before, suddenly turned into scenes from Waterworld. It has been devastating. 

This was the centre of York!

This was a lane near us!

Now the weather is turning colder at last. We have had some frost and the mercury is dropping like a stone. Snow is forecast and we are watching to see whether we get just a few flakes, or a more significant amount. Just what we want for moving house....

My computer continues to be on the blink. I mostly use my iPad but find it tiring when writing more than the average email. This week we had a power outage that came completely out of the blue, and my computer was almost dead in its tracks. Luckily I managed to coax it back into life, but I was tearing my hair out, especially as I needed to save lots of stuff on USB drives.

Throughout all of this my friends in Blogland have been absolutely wonderful. They send me regular emails and jokes, sometimes on a daily basis. You have no idea how lovely it is to sit and gaze at beautiful pictures on calendars from different parts of the world. It gives me the travel bug with a vengeance, and makes my mouth water with wanderlust. Thank you so much, girls, those calendars are a plain delight! Especially when we have had to cancel our travel plans due to our prospective move. I am threatening that we will fly out and visit some of you when we are relocated. Be warned!

There is one gift I feel compelled to share with you, my friends.

This arrived over the holiday period, with dire warnings to open it in private. Little did we know our son was going to waltz in through the back door just as I had taken it out of its fancy wrapping paper! Sigh! Typical Ami!

Believe me, Dan tried it out at the earliest opportunity. I nearly threw myself off his lap! There is not much to choose between this and the dreaded paddle with holes in it. It looks and feels lightweight, but it is absolutely lethal! Our Rose paddle felt like sheer heaven after trying this little baby out!

Thank you very much for our lovely gifts - you know who you are! My bottom is not quite as sure!

Moving is stressful. I am sure our Katie will back me up on that one. (How is it going, Katie?) 

I am beginning to sense the re-arrival on the scene of 'Bitch Troll'. It's not a good thing to admit. Haven't seen her around for a very long time. In fact, I thought I had said goodbye to her for good. Not the case. Stress is once again taking its toll on my usual sunny nature, and Bitch Troll is doing her utmost to put an end to our peace and harmony. 

I don't understand how it happens. One minute I am fine, then my mood takes a dip and I become a different person. In a way, Dan acts as a catalyst. He is ALWAYS making suggestions. It just drives me up the wall. I hate being 'suggested' to when I am in a bad mood.

Suddenly I become irritated and snappy. I am not a meek person. My temperament is continental to say the least.

This, of course, fans the flames. Dan hates being answered back in an insolent and snarky tone. One thing leads to another...

You get the general gist of it? 

I just wish Dan was the kind of man who would hike me up to our room and flourish the paddle at me. That would cure me of insolence in a hurry! But he tends to cogitate before acting. However, all I can say is that a spanking of gargantuan proportions is brewing, and I will deserve every last swat and swipe of it. It will be totally necessary in order to return to some form of tranquillity.

The only time I feel anything like normal these days is when I am in the garden. It is the best medicine, apart from a good spanking, for lifting my mood. I have been madly pruning the roses. I still have loads to do.

Whilst I am doing that, Dan likes to sweep the leaves. We have several large trees round the garden and as a result of high winds the leaves are everywhere. Dan is very meticulous in his sweeping. He does a brilliant job by firstly sweeping into lines, and then into lots of heaps, before transferring them on to the compost heap. 

We have also been decorating a couple of bedrooms in our new house. I so wanted to do it myself, but Dan disagreed. He is not keen on me climbing ladders these days.  

I didn't mention that I had been balanced on a chair and leaning into the depths of the airing cupboard sorting out the bed linen. Ha! A chair isn't a ladder....

You can see the trouble he has with me.

So I think that brings you all up to date. I promise to do my best to visit Blogland more often. I do enjoy reading all your blogs. Therein lies the problem. Suddenly two or three hours have disappeared!

Please don't forget me!

And thank you so much, you new people who have written me such great emails! I love receiving them!

Any suggestions, of the spanking kind (or other) will be welcomed. We need to get back to this:

So long for now. xxxx