Sometimes something relatively innocent can lead to the type of waters that run deep and are full of currents.
This is the first part of a series of chronicles, mostly thoughts, incidents and snippets of everyday life in Starsong Land.
We both had various "bugs" over the Christmas period. I am not going into them. We are both better now. But I need to get everything into "context". It helps to explain our interactions. Moods up one day and down another. You know how it can go.
We sat (flumped would be the better word) one evening and the TV was an absolute disgrace. After moaning at length, I suggested to Dan that we watch a film neither of us had seen, but which I had recorded as one of my favourite actresses, Meryl Streep starred in it.
We both mistakenly thought it would be a comedy - funny and easy to watch. Not the case. But the strange thing was that it made quite an impression not only on me, but also on Dan, and we were still discussing it the next morning.
The film was Hope Springs. No doubt you have all heard of it and watched it. Dan and I are pretty hopeless with films. We rarely go to the cinema and prefer to watch them in the comfort of our home, often, as we usually do in the winter, with a roaring log fire, various snacks to nibble, and Dan in his favourite armchair and me on the smaller of the two sofas periodically fanning myself as I begin to get too hot.
We were both completely engrossed by this film, Dan because part of his doctorate was in behavioural psychology and me because part of my masters was in reflective psychology. (Believe me, our household is a funny place!) The reason we were so engrossed was because we saw ourselves in the two main characters. It sums up what excellent actors they are.
I was reminded of when I first approached Dan with the request that he should spank me. But more than that, it reminded us both of how we once were, way back before TTWD; way back before I had read or even heard of Fifty Shades.
If you have been with us since I started to blog, you will remember that I described the way our lives together had become rather like two people living in the same house, who just happened to be married.
There was nothing wrong with our marriage, per se, but frankly, it was often as boring as hell. We were both working full time, the kids were grown up and virtually off our hands, and all the magic had disappeared.
Remember that magic when you first set up home together? Remember the sex and how dynamic and exciting it was?
Remember the little conversations that mostly reverted to verbal foreplay and usually ended up in bed?
Ha!
I don't remember now why or how it happened, but I most certainly do remember after one notable altercation and makeup, resolving things were going to change, or it would probably be the end of us and our marriage.
Neither of us were to blame, although I think I was the bigger culprit than Dan.
I was bossy, mouthy, full of myself, and I never listened and often interrupted; I was always ready to criticise - Dan or anyone; and as for sex, well, what can I say?! No excitement, no joy, and an eternal headache!
I did a great deal of soul-searching and made up my mind that I needed to initiate change into our lives.
I don't remember what order I did things in, but I went on a diet, had my hair cut and some tiny orange streaks put in it, bought lots and lots of sexy underwear,
and then when we went on holiday I took some cherry flavoured lube and a vibrator.
(I have to mention here that had the picture above been of me, my boobs would've been hanging out all over the place!)
I told Dan we would be having sex every single day, and I would be initiating some memorable action he had probably given up all hope of ever having the pleasure of.
He came back from that holiday more tired in some ways than when he went! But we both had smiles on our faces that lasted and lasted.
I did my best to carry on at home the same as when we had been away.
And then came along Fifty Shades.
We had so many "brown paper packages" arriving at our house that Dan began to get alarmed.
Some of the stuff we tried, and then didn't bother with it again.
Some of the stuff we liked so much we practised hard so we would be better at it. It opened up a whole new world to us, so whilst some of your curl your lips at dear old Fifty, there are some of us who are wholeheartedly thankful the book was written.
And of course - it led me to you!
What came out of watching Hope Springs was the fact that without communication, you are lost.
To learn to communicate with each other, all over again, is like climbing Everest.
It's so difficult to begin, but once you have started, you need to keep plugging away at it, and suddenly you find the going is much easier than you had thought it would be.
Dan says that when I asked him so spank me that first time, he initially thought I had at last gone a bit batty, and then he thought it was a phase and that I would stop wanting it as soon as I realised a spanking could hurt.
He admits that he wasn't at all happy to spank the woman he had been married to for over thirty years. There are still lines he positively will not cross, and I steer away from them without comment. I have learned that when you least expect it, Dan can suddenly change his mind about something.
He absolutely will not restrain me in any way by tying my hands or feet; and he hates using a belt with a vengeance, (despite having used one on at least one very, very memorable occasion!) and loathes the marks a belt makes. (This harkens back to his boyhood when one was used on him by his dad and never forgotten.)
(He has, however, had to hold my hands on more than one occasion to prevent me reaching back and injuring myself.)
Yet he has no problem with most other things, and I know to my peril how much he loves "wood". He ignores the marks made by spoons, paddles, spatulas and rulers. They make no impression on him - just on me!
It's hard telling your fantasies to another person.
You need to trust them 100%. There's nothing worse than having your dreams trampled on. But fulfilling fantasies is not necessarily easy, nor is it something you can do in just a couple of nights/days. It takes time, effort and practice. We are most certainly still a "work in progress", and there are some aspects that we have realised we should have started on twenty years ago!
My fantasy of being spanked has turned into something I am not always madly keen on if you know what I mean? (A dark and meaningful narrowing of the eyes here.)
Dan's fantasy of my sleeping knickerless and mostly nightieless, in the warm weather anyway, is something I have taken a while to get used to, but is now a very pleasurable experience. (He ALWAYS strokes my bare behind when he joins me in bed at night regardless of the hour or whether I am asleep or not.)
Dan has told me that he 'owns' my bottom and likes uninhibited access to it. Hmmm...
We have other fantasies. In fact we are still working through the list. The fun we have gives me such a warm fuzzy feeling.
Dan has proved that he is much more open to change than the character played by Tommy Lee Jones in Hope Springs.
Thank goodness I realised in time that age is no barrier to making life more exciting, more sexy and above all else, more fun.
Christmas has come and gone and this year seemed a little surreal as first one and then the other of us had a rather unpleasant stomach bug we caught from our little grandson. Yuck. It seemed to put the lid on this year for us, and we are both looking forward to a rather better 2015.
I know that many of you are ardent followers of the series Outlander, so I thought you might be interested in the following which I "lifted" from our local newspaper as we just passed the Winter Solstice on Sunday.
The week before and the week after the Winter Solstice, 21st December, were named "Halcyon days" in the belief that in this fortnight the waves and wind would be calmed so that kingfishers could breed in their watery nests.
Halcyon is Greek for kingfisher.
December 21st is also St Thomas's Day when old women in East Anglia went "a-Thomasing", asking for sixpences. They were optimists because a tanner (6 old pennies) was then quite a lot of money.
The 21st December itself truly stood for optimism, the feeling that things would only get better as the days lengthened.Christmas is a Christian festival tacked on to a much older pagan one that celebrated the turning of the year when the days began to lengthen once again. The people who developed Stonehenge and Avebury were better aware of the true significance of the winter solstice than were the Christians who came long after them.
Neither Christians nor Druids have ever understood the true meaning of Stonehenge and its relations. Although the builders had an inaccurate understanding of the workings of the universe around them, they were at least trying to find out more about them in an honest and straightforward fashion.
In the Western Isles of Scotland are the prehistoric standing stones at Callanish. Facing them are five undisturbed rocks with a "fissure" in the middle rock. These rocks were a sacred spot long before the Callanish standing stones were built 4,000 years ago.
As the sun's path drops lower in the sky towards the winter solstice, the shadow on the five rocks and the light beam between the fissure extends further and further north.
The extreme sliver of sunlight falling on the ground at midwinter would have triggered ritual to nourish the dying sun or sun god. Whilst Stonehenge has always been geared to the sun, Callanish when completed was related to the moon. Although they don't still have their 'lintels' like the stones at Stonehenge, they are every bit as spectacular and unlike Stonehenge are entirely 'open to visitors', so you can go and touch them and walk round them. (Direct flights from Norwich to Stornoway!)
I am now on Book No 5 of Outlander and am completely immersed in the books despite their verbosity. Just wish the TV series would come over the pond!
In the New Year I hope to get back to normal re my blog, and I have several topics I should like to share with you. Although 2014 hasn't been the best of years healthwise, TTWD has continued to draw Dan and I closer together, and often each week brings something new to discover about each other. After all these years, this is nothing short of miraculous and wonderful.
We are very definitely in our Halcyon Days!
Dan and I would like to wish you all a Very Happy New Year, and hope that 2015 is filled with love, peace and joy.
I have been flying round for the past week or two like the proverbial blue-arsed fly. So this is really a hotch-potch. Just little bits and pieces.
I met up with Jan from https://dancinroses.blogspot on Wednesday. (She is such a hoot!) The weather was lousy to say the least, but we had a supremely wonderful day.
Let me tell you, Jan has lost a stone and a half in weight and I didn't recognise her at first. She looks absolutely FABULOUS! I am green with envy!
I had intended to do some Christmas shopping, but just bought myself some clothes and not a single Christmas present. (Yes, of course I bought some new knickers. A girl can never have too many pairs!)
We had a delicious lunch. I had a starter and a main, and Jan had a main and a pudding; and we had a large latte each.
In one of the stores I encountered a small problem with a lady who decided to ram a pushchair with a toddler in it into the backs of my knees, and then when I turned round in pained surprise she proceeded to have a go at me for not appearing to know which direction I was walking. I was too taken aback to think up a retort. Jan said it was classic "Pushchair rage". LOL!
Another little activity that has been going on in the Starsong household this week has been my "Week of Spankings". A type of challenge in a way. But not what you think.
A week ago I had my birthday. I said to Dan in horror that I couldn't possibly manage all that number of spanks in one go, especially since I only had his spanks on his behalf only a month ago. So it was agreed that I should get ten spanks a day for a week. (There were extras tacked on to the last day to make up the ten, before you say anything!) These spanks were to be of the type that you most definitely feel. No shillying and shallying about with warm ups. No "Is that okay, can you feel it, does it hurt?" type of spanks. I would accept whatever implement was chosen and accept any calibre of spanks that came my way. Ha! Moi? Hmmm....
The first day I was spanked with his hand. It stung, but it wasn't too bad, although I think I had seven all in the same spot on one side and only three the other. I suddenly realised that ten is nothing at all. Good grief. Anyone can take ten spanks.
The second day I was upended in such a way that I was practically doing a handstand on the floor. This time my sit spots received attention.
"Ow, ow ow! Golly I hate that spatula."
"I'm not using the spatula. I'm using my hand."
"But you used your hand yesterday."
"That was my right hand. I'm using my left today. I'll be using the spatula tomorrow."
See? Men's logic? No, I don't understand either.
The third day, the spatula make its appearance. Hateful, horrible thing. I think I shall send it to Katie! She needs a new one. This one has only had one careful owner! When I suggested how much I hated it I counted several 'extras'. When I happened to mention them, I got several more!
Men's logic again!
The fifth day got missed as it was "baby minding day" and I have to be up at the crack of dawn and after that it completely slipped Dan's mind. We are both too exhausted and need stiff gins by the time 'mother collects youngster' in the evening!
The sixth day was the Rose paddle. Because he had to make up for the previous day, Dan went berserk with it - or so it seemed to me. I lost count after the first five because it hurt and I couldn't concentrate. I told him that I should just hate it if he made me count my spanks like some people. I should probably still be being spanked now as I just cannot think and say "Ow!" at the same time.
The final day was today. The salad server, which hasn't made an appearance in centuries, was found and brought out for the grand finale. Sadly I was bent over the footboard (which I hate because it stretches everything) and Dan added lots of extras. He concentrated specifically on my sit spots. After each one or two swats I sprang upright doing my Jack-in-a-box impersonation. In fact I perfected it. How do you all stay down?! I just cannot! It sears the skin! Fries it! Dan started to laugh at me. I thought, "This is where I pout and either join in and laugh, or I start to cry." Luckily I laughed, and Dan stopped, parked the implement in my butt crease (he has a horrid habit of doing that) and then we both fell about laughing.
We laughed even more when I looked at the two perfectly round bright scarlet patches he had created. When I sat down for breakfast (on a cushion I hasten to add) it wasn't exactly painful, but it felt very 'burny' and itchy. I studied my bottom again when I got out of the shower but there wasn't a single sign of redness. All gone. Just a tingle left for a couple of hours, and then that was gone too.
Dan has commented that I have been on a high all week. Not a sign of my usual attitude. What? Moi? You've got to be joking!
I think the spankings were the equivalent of "happy pills". They kept my spirits up even when stressed. I can heartily recommend this "week of spankings" tactic next time you have a birthday if you feel you don't want to tackle the whole lot in one go.
The other thing is that I didn't have to remind Dan once that he had said he would spank me every morning for a week. He remembered just fine, even though initially he was not too sure about it all. In fact by the end of the week the spanks were definitely rather more plentiful that I think they should've been. I wonder if he could've secretly enjoyed them?
Finally, the last thing I want to mention is that tomorrow (Saturday 6th December) is St Knickerless Day on Ana's Advent Calendar. You can find it on https://governingana.wordpress.com and this year I have written a little "ghost story" especially for Christmas!
It doesn't have a single spank in it, but I do hope it will lift the hairs on the back of your necks a little. I wanted to do something a bit different.
I will be picking a name (from all those who comment) out of a hat (a large mixing bowl) and the lucky winner will be the recipient of a pair of Ami's special knickers
together with a little 'secret something'. Similar to these!
I do hope you will all support me especially as Ana works so hard on the Advent Calendar each year. It would be nice if you might sample a few of the other days. There are recipes, stories, funny incidents. All very enjoyable. You might even read about an elf or two!
See you all tomorrow!
One of the things which never ceases to amaze me about TTWD is how far we have come with our communication skills.
Mostly it is how much better Dan has become at reading me. His antennae seem to have doubled their length, and they've certainly increased their ability to interpret my often complex signals.
Mostly we've been coasting along reasonably in step, with just the occasional high and low to stem the slide into boredom and lethargy.
I'm usually allowed to choose my own implements when Dan decides it's time to issue reminders, though for the sexier types of spankings I much prefer the Rose Paddle despite the fact that Dan does get a bit carried away when using it. He did remark that I have now managed to perfect my front crawl
and that he almost sees my bottom pass from right to left across his lap whilst he is busy trying to hit the target.
I tell him that he is so good at hitting the target these days, ie the same spot for about ten spanks, that it feels like someone has placed a magnifying glass between the sun and my bottom, making it feel as if that spot is about to spontaneously combust. But when I complain, he immediately peppers the entire area with the rapid fire. So now I tend to slither forwards more surreptitiously until his arm brings me to rapid halt.
I wonder if you all wake up in a good mood every morning? Sadly I do not. I have a tendency when feeling the pressure, to wake up around 2.30 in the morning and lie with multitudinous thoughts going through my head till around 4.00 when I either get up and go walk about, or finally manage to drop back off to sleep.
Dan rarely wakes, and I try not to wake him, but sometimes when he is snoring loud enough to wake the dead,
I feel obliged to toss and turn, reach for my glass and drink some water, press the little button on my bedside clock to check the time,
get up to visit the loo, put my bedsocks on if my feet are cold,
take my bedsocks off if my feet are too hot, get up and adjust the curtains to prevent any moonlight from lighting up the bedroom....you get the picture?
The other night was one such night. I was wakened at around 2.15 by a mouse in clogs galloping about in the wall to the right of our bed. It sounded as if it were moving concrete blocks. No little sounds of pittering and pattering from the mice in our part of the world - they're heavyweights!
So I lay around a bit hoping to drop back to sleep, but eventually, having completed the entire list above and then some, Dan woke up and asked me if I was okay. I snarled a bit, then suggested he go back to sleep and I promised to try to lie still. I was remembering someone (or maybe a couple of someones) who suggested one of you rubbed the other person, but at 3 in the morning I couldn't quite remember the rules, and luckily, just trying to remember sent me off to sleep.
But then comes the bit in the morning when your eyelids feel they have lead weights attached to them, and all you want to do is snuggle back in your pillow, pull the duvet up around your eyebrows, and slumber happily regardless of the day ahead.
This, of course, is the time I feel Dan breathing somewhere in the vicinity of my neck and patting my bottom encouragingly. I make the noise a sleepy squirrel makes
and burrow down once again. Dan gets more persistent and tweaks a nipple. This time I give a low growl to try to put him off.
Dan is stubborn. He refuses to be put off anything, and before he was startled into becoming more familiar with my bottom, he was one heck of a boob man. Lying half hidden in my bosoms he gives a sigh of contentment and carries on tweaking - both nipples this time.
I do not rise to the bait. I am still trying to sleep.
Even my body has gone into non-responsive mode. Dan raises his head and mutters something about not even being able to feel the smallest shiver of pleasure. I nod into my pillow in agreement.
But that man is nothing if not persistent,
and will not be deterred. He grabs me around the middle and launches an all out assault on my person.
This time I squeak a little, so he ups the tempo.
He spanks first one cheek then the other at a rapid rate - too high as usual - but I start to bounce on the bed like a kettle drum. I am now waking up and feeling rather like a squashed slug getting its bottom spanked.
He will keep spanking the same spot and his hand is so much harder these days. I count ten and shriek at him. He ignores me for a few more spanks then mercifully moves to the other cheek, where naturally, the action is repeated.
Then the strangest thing. My libido returns with a vengeance. The "Me Tarzan, You Jane" syndrome almost takes my cells apart and rebuilds them.
I can't remember exactly what I was yelling, but I can relate that it led to an extremely vociferous and active session of love-making.
At one point I thought that maybe at my age I shouldn't be making such a racket, but then I thought "Nah.These opportunities should not be ignored."
The bed was trashed and the whole area looked like a hurricane had hit.
I was heartily glad that our grown offspring have no idea just how much in love and how energetic their parents still are. In my mind, I wish them equally long and happy marriages, and hope they are still as energetic when they get to our age. Snigger!
Dan went and got us hot drinks. I was lying stretched out face down when he went off downstairs, and I was still lying in the same position when he returned.
"Are you alive?" he enquired.
"Mmphm" I replied (in the manner of 'Outlander' - I am now on Book 3!)
"Drink your coffee before it gets cold." Ha! Now he knows how I feel!
I continued to lie there whilst we had a conversation.
"That was so wonderful. I wish you would spank me more often like that. I would love you to spank more, and harder."
"Your trouble is that you've got the hide of an armadillo."
This makes me sit up in a hurry and I glare at him indignantly to see if he is serious or not. Luckily for him he's not.
"I don't mind, you know, if you grab me and administer a few more 'good girl' spankings of this calibre."
Dan raises his eyebrows. "I don't want you to accuse me of being abusive."
"Oh for goodness sake. I thought we had laid this one to rest a long time ago."
"You know what I mean. And anyway, isn't this called 'trying to take control'?"
"Nah. Just giving you a few pointers. You know jolly well that you won't do anything you don't want to do."
"Very true." Dan gives me his practised 'evil grin'.
Then we are up and on our way down to have some breakfast before showering.
As I walk ahead of him along the corridor he starts to stroke my bare bottom making me giggle. Dan knows exactly how to lure me out of my vegetative state of mind.
(I couldn't find a picture of a man stroking a naked woman's bottom, so I substituted this picture - it's so sweet and it's how he makes me feel. He strokes my bottom every night when he comes to bed!)
It's the little things in life that are important.
