Saturday, 23 February 2013

Saturday Snippets (5)

I've heard of 'up the creek without a paddle' but this really had me going!  Believe it or not, this is a handy device for putting things like pizzas in your Aga oven without burning yourself!  I simply had to share it with you.  I would think this beats the HH hands down!

I also want to share this funny little ditty with you.  

I Have a Little Satnav

I have a little satnav
It sits there in my car
A satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are.

I have a little satnav
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My Satnav is my wife!

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour" it says
"You're  doing thirty five!"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house
Makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do with that once in a while
I could turn the damn thing off!

Starman and I have had, probably, more ups and downs than most when driving.  Especially on long journeys.  Last year was the killer.  He stopped the car on a roundabout in the middle of a busy town in France, and simply got out and walked away from the car.  Even that didn't teach me a lesson.  I continued to hound him right down to the south of Spain.  Eventually we reached mega-crisis point.  I think that if he had known then what he knows now, I would have been very much 'taken care of'!  Luckily I realised I had gone too far and after a singularly good talking to a very chastened Ami kept her mouth shut for the rest of the holiday!

However, I am still reminded what a termagant I was, and now try very hard to keep my opinions to myself when being driven!  This, of course, has had a direct impact on my attitude in general.  And an impact on my bottom as well!

This leads on to my struggle with my attitude.  I have skimmed over a lot of the detail because it would take forever otherwise.  I am not proud of my failings.  At times I find it all very hard, and I have a tendency to accuse Starman of simply "not trying" and leaving it all to me.

It's so easy to forget that wives have an absolute obligation to be respectful.  

I forgot this yesterday in a big way.  It was such a pity.  We had had a lovely day on Thusday, starting with a little reconnective activity, doing things together, and even going out for lunch.  But as Starman said, he won't be just using his hand in future as it proved to be insufficient to the cause.

Yesterday should have been a good day.  We had our five year old grandson for the day and I took him on a mini shopping expedition to buy some new Lego and some paints and crayons.  He trotted along holding my hand and we had some great conversation.  

The problems started when we returned home.  Starman had some work to finish in the office, and I played, crayoned, and made Lego spaceships till exhaustion began to set in.  Usually Starman helps out, but this time he didn't.  By three o'clock I was flagging.  

Starman was sitting down watching sport on TV.  I was very aggravated.  My tongue ran away with me before I knew it.  Starman was not amused.  He told me he felt tired and a little depressed.  I huffed.  I told him he was tired because he had been out bowling with his friends till nearly 11 pm the night before.  It was not the thing to say.  Of course I regretted it as soon as the words were out of my mouth.  

It all went downhill from there.

I am sorry to report that I was snippy for the rest of the day and took myself off to bed at the earliest opportunity, pretending to be asleep when he finally turned in.

This morning we both awoke to a quiet house.  I offered to go and get our morning tea and coffee.  But when I got back the first thing Starman did was to ask me what was wrong.  I did the usual "Nothing!"  grump grump.

I'll not go into details because you've all been there before.  

All I will say is that I ended up having a good cry and he ended up having a good lecture.  He told me that he's feeling really worried about his bone scan on Monday, and he apologised for being so 'detached' the day before.  I cried harder.  I explained that I had felt 'distance' between us, and that I now felt really bad for my horrible attitude and perhaps he needed to address the 'downturn'.  He told me that there was no way he was going to begin a daily spanking regime, as he felt that in my case it wouldn't be helpful.  But that yes, maybe a couple of times a week would be better than just the once.  In order to keep me grounded.  And he was quite happy to 'sort out my attitude'.  

"Just get up and go fetch my spatula."

You know, I had actually been going to suggest that maybe the HH should see some action.  But the thought of that wretched spatula made me cringe.  Starman could see I was having trouble moving across the bedroom.  And we hadn't even begun yet!  "Is there a reason you are moving so slowly?" he asked.  

When I returned with it he was already in position.  I pulled my nightie off over my head (our bedroom resembles a freezer at the moment!) and climbed over his lap.

"There won't be a warm up" he announced.

There wasn't.

But I have to admit it does it's job.  Starman just flicks his wrist and I bury my head in the pillow.  It seemed to go on for a very long time, and his skills have improved such that I am rarely bruised any more, but it does burn a great deal.  Especially afterwards in the shower.

But, and I know that this doesn't apply to all of you because we are all different, the sex afterwards was just as, if not more, amazing than always.  We were able to reconnect this time on all levels instead of just one or two.  We are a unit once again.  

He asked me why I had slipped to easily into 'bitch/troll' mode, and I was not able to give him a good answer.  I think that perhaps sometimes our feelings and perspectives go against the grain instead of with it.  Tiredness, hormonal surges, having only just gotten over a horrible and tenacious cold virus, all contributed.  I'm sorry for behaving like a child, and I'm thankful that we talked, forgave each other and can move forward.

Now I've got that little hiccup off my chest I'll move swiftly on.  I'm sure you've all been waiting for the recipe of the week.  So here it is:

Rocky Road Cookies

Makes 10    260 kcals each

110g (4oz) softened butter
110g (4oz) light muscavado sugar
1 egg, beaten
150g (5oz) plain flour
Half a teaspoon of baking powder
75g (3oz) oats
50g (2oz) mini marshmallows
75g (3oz) plain chocolate chunks


1     Pre-heat the oven to 180 degrees C/350 degrees F/Gas mark 4.

2     In a large bowl beat together the butter and sugar until light and creamy.  Gradually beat in the egg.  Sift in the plain flour and baking powder and add the oats.  Stir well.  Add half the mini marshmallows and chocolate chunks.

3     Drop heaped tablespoons of mixture on to a greased baking sheet, bake for 12-15 minutes,, until just turning golden.  Sprinkle over remaining marshmallows and chocolate chunks as soon as they are removed from the oven.  Leave to cool slightly then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.  Serve with a glass of  milk.

(Children adore these!)

I hope you all have a great weekend.  I am now off to make the aforesaid 'cookies'!!!


  1. We can't be perfect all the time, can we? I'm not even perfect part of the time. Life would be so boring if everything was status quo consantly, don't you think. We all need a little sass and spice once in a while to keep the juices flowing.

    Good luck with the bone scan on Monday Starman.

    1. I do, however, think I may have "outsassed" myself this time! LOL!

      Thanks Sunny



  2. Ian is sitting here have an early lunch. I asked him if men really preferred that we were just angels floating around bringing them coffee, etc.
    He thought about it a second and then said, "Jesus no, Lillie - then we wouldn't have any reason to spank you." And we winked.
    I think they like us to be just the way we are, although it has it's trying moments it keeps everybody awake. ;)
    You are a great wife, Ami
    hugs lillie

    oh.....get rid of that spatula - they are beastly little buggers and all should be in the dust bin. I won't have one in the house.

    1. My moments are more trying than most Lillie and Ian! However, Starman has managed to "fix" me if only temporarily! LOL

      I know - but he loves it! He would be lost without it! I can't think of a better alternative at the moment.



  3. Hi Ami, I think all spatulas should be lost in space, the wooden spoons should be turned into feathers and don't get me started on hairbrushes. These menfolkwould not want us to be perfect, they like spanking us. Why else are we naughty if not to make them happy. Hope you ok. Love Janxxx

    1. I think Lillie once told me 'wood is good' but 'leather is better'. Yet I can't understand the reasoning there because I would run a mile if I even say a 'belt'. Better the devil you know..... LOL!

      Yes thank you, feeling more connected than last week!



  4. Like Sunnygirl said...we aren't perfect. :-) I love the poem. I try not to be a backseat driver...but then once my husband almost drove through a red light and he asked me why I didn't say anything...Can't win. :-) Glad you were able to reconnect. I hope the bonescan goes well...will be sending positive thoughts your way... Hugs, Terps

    1. Oh I need to be a passenger with sellotape over my lips! Love your comment though!

      Yes, the bone scan was today, so now just have to wait. Many thanks for your positive thoughts.



  5. Oh Ami, so sorry to hear about the difficulties.

    Your poem made me laugh! Bas and Lisa can certainly identify. :) It took me a second to remember that what I call a GPS is what you call a satnav.

    The cookies sound scrumptious.

    I'm really quite jealous of the playtime with your grandson, even if it was a bit wearying.

    And as to the reconnecting and worrying and bone scan, I am glad that a good spanking helped you to clear things away and to start afresh. xx

    1. Ana, me and Bitch/Troll have an ongoing battle! Didn't know you called a GPS a GPS and not a satnav. Interesting...

      We are now positively sick of cookies!

      The scan was today so we are now waiting for the results. Spankings are such good medicine aren't they?! I never cease to marvel! LOL!



  6. Oh darlin we can all identify! I think that we do not always understand our emotions until we begin the process of conversation....aka venting!
    I agree that if we were perfect it wouldn't be any fun. I enjoy a bit of trouble. Besides'perfect'is not real life. Real life is....just that...real with all the mess. The making up and fixing it....well we all enjoy that.
    Cookies??? I'm dieting again...darn!

    1. I think that maybe I enjoy a bit of trouble too! But not when it's Bitch/Troll dishing it out! Talk about your paddle, I nearly sent for it! Think I'll stay with the spatula though - I'm not that brave!

      Well, I was trying to diet. Went down the pan!



  7. Hi Ami, Oh my goodness, the top picture is a riot. Funny how you see spanking in everything now huh? LoL Love the poem too. I think most of us can identify in some way, although I try hard not to back seat drive.

    Ami dear, we are not all perfect, and our men folk would not want us to be. Tiredness and recovering illness would certainly have played its part. You are also both going through a stressful time.

    I'm glad the spanking helped and that you reconnected.

    Thinking of you and wishing you all the best with the bone scan.


    1. That is a 'proper' paddle isn't it?! I have one like it that I use for pizzas, but mine is metal and hangs from a hook on the wall next to the cooker. It just seemed funny that I would get an email advertising this one - especially as I had just been pretty shitty to Starman! Does the word 'retribution' come to mind?! LOL!

      Thanks very much for your good wishes Roz. Trying to stay calm....



  8. Hey Ami...I agree with's really funny how normal, everyday items suddenly look totally different. But sheesh, spatula's, wooden spoons, etc. belong in the kitchen being used on food only! ;)

    Love the poem. I have a backseat/sideseat driver's license...want me to send you one? LOL Seriously, my mom used to do that to my dad and still does it to me so I try very hard not to do it to anyone annoying. If I find myself starting, I'll just close my eyes and take a deep breath...can't drive blind.

    You're not perfect Ami? Well, color me shocked! Grands, no matter how much you love and enjoy them, are tiring. Add that to both of you just recovering from your illnesses and worry over the upcoming scan equals less then perfect. You reconnected, all is forgiven and you're moving on.

    Thanks for the recipe...looks great!

    Sending positive thoughts and prayers that the bone scan results are negative.

    Hugs and Blessings,

    1. You know Cat, I am going to photograph all the items in my kitchen that are lurking there looking innocent enough, but pack (or could in the right circumstances) a very stingy swat! I had never thought about it before. It sets me off giggling like a goose! It's like I have my own private arsenal. Shudder shudder!

      Cat I am TERRIBLE when I am not driving. I would try the patience of a saint! I hope you don't close your eyes when you are actually behind the wheel! LOL!!

      The recipe is good, but oh dear, I made far too many!

      Thanks for the positive thoughts and prayers. Starman has had his bone scan and we are now waiting for the results.



  9. A hard day Ami, but I do think that while we try to be good and kind, at the end of the day, this way of life promotes honestly and sometimes we need to just blurt it all out...even if there are consequences. You guys have been through so much and it's all still there under the surface. I hope the bone scan goes well. Be gentle with each other. You are clearly loved!

    1. You can say that again Susie! But we are now in a better place - at least for the time being. No doubt my inner hag with rise again before too long. Starman is the best and most patient of men thank goodness.



  10. Ami, thinking of you and Starman as you deal with the bone scan today. Wishing you all good things!

    I had this nice, probably too lengthy comment all ready to go for you yesterday afternoon and Rob came in and made me shut off my computer and go take a nap (I wasn't feeling all that great so it made sense)! I tried to cut it and paste it on something to post later but it didn't work out and he had TWO eyebrows raised. That's when I move swiftly! LOL!

    Anyway, to shorten it all- loved the poem- it was really cute; The paddle- no thanks- I'd put on my running shoes and escape to the hills! The recipe- thanks! I'm going to make those very soon and am pretty sure that they would be a hit (no pun intended) around here.

    Seriously though, these more experienced people can steer you in a good direction. I just have to say that the first thing that comes to mind is that you both have been and are going through a tremendous amount of stress, so cut yourself a break, and sort of go with the flow. Perhaps some smaller expectations for now while you get through this time. Looks to me like you ended on some very good stuff! Big hugs and warm thoughts!

    <3 Katie

    BTW- I have always loved legos. There must be millions of them down in the basement. I think that I used to buy them and encourage the kids to want them because I loved doing them too. ;)

    1. Katie what a lot of lovely comments! Don't know if I welcomed you before, but consider yourself welcomed now!

      I love the thought of the raise eyebrows! Starman can only manage to raise two, but never one on its own! So it loses the effect somewhat.

      I would definitely run for the hills at any sign of a wooden paddle. They are for the more experienced amongst us, the ones with the cast iron butts! It doesn't take an awful lot to make me squawk! I regularly find myself chewing the duvet! I'm such a wimp!

      People around here are sooooo good. By the time you get to the end of your comments you feel better already! I think smaller expectations at the moment are very justified. Thank you so much for your big hugs and kind thoughts!

      The scan took place today and now we have to wait for the results.