Tuesday 7 October 2014

The Life and Trials of Ami Starsong



Just when you think it's safe to sit down again....along comes Dan and moves the goalposts.

"Right, I need to get up and get on. The sun is shining and you are lounging around and looking far too comfortable."



I try to hide under the duvet and block my ears. For two pins I would start to sing 'La la la la la' as well.

I grumpily put out a hand and press the light-up button on the clock on my side of the bed. It informs me that it is 7 o'clock.


"Dan, it is Sunday morning, I have been awake since 6 tossing and turning and listening to you snore, and now you have woken up you think I should be awake as well. Why do you always do this?" 


I risk a quick glance and he is grinning at me in a very smug fashion.


"Tea?" he asks.


Humph! 


I flounce up and open the bedroom door meaning to weave my way (I am not yet properly awake) down the corridor. 




"You're not going downstairs like that are you?" Dan calls to my back. 

"Oh for goodness sake!"


I weave my way back and retrieve my robe, shrugging into it as I retrace my steps again along to the top of the stairs.



It's barely light and the sun is only just creeping above the tops of the cypresses that line the back boundary. I yawn as I am waiting for the kettle to boil.

I love this ritual of ours of sitting in bed chatting with each other and drinking hot morning drinks. Dan says it is good to be able to relax and communicate at the same time. It's just that when I am still sleepy I find the communication a bit tiresome as my eyelids will keep falling closed.




Dan is stroking my left thigh meditatively and I wonder whether it might be a prelude to something more. But not the 'more' I had in mind apparently.



As I start to snuggle more into him he gives me a couple of quick, slappy swats and says

"Time for a spanking I think. Just fetch me the Little Nipper."



I glare. "Can't you fetch it? Other husbands go fetch their own implements?"

Another swat.


"I am not other husbands." Swat. "Hurry up, I've got to get the leaf blower out."


"What? On a Sunday?


"Well, with S over the road already pressure-washing his horsebox, I don't think they will be worried about a bit of noise."


I reluctantly get up and fetch the wretched wooden spatula and hand it to him. Then as I am about to climb over his lap he says


"Oh no. Today you can lean over the footboard. I haven't got time for hanky panky this morning. We used to use the footboard a lot. Somehow it's escaped my notice that we no longer seem to use it."


"The wood isn't very comfortable to lean over" I remind him.


He folds the patchwork quilt in half and hands it to me. 


"Put this over the footboard."


This was not the type of Sunday morning I had hoped for.


Dan stands to one side and waits for me to lean over the end of the bed. He starts to raise the spatula and I leap up and go and collect a pillow which I place strategically - I place my hands under it and bury my face in it. Something tells me that I am going to need it, although fortunately Dan starts by rubbing my bottom, which feels quite soothing.



Then he starts to spank with his hand, not the spatula. It is not very hard and I lean into it feeling frissons of excitement. Hmmm. This isn't so bad.

SWAT!


SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT!


Okay! So that's not so soothing! He has changed to the spatula and the swats are coming fast and furious.


I am very glad my hands are under the pillow and I do my best to keep quiet, but it doesn't work. I go up on my toes, determined to keep my feet on the floor, but not very hopeful of succeeding.


"Do you realise that this is three times in a week?" Dan asks conversationally.


"Oh, shit, ow!" is my reply. "Dan!"


I crane my neck round and Dan grins evilly.


"I seem to remember you mentioning once or twice that you thought I was spanking too high?"


"Ye'ouch!" 


My feet are still on the floor - my toes at any rate, but my body hinges at the waist and I try to shoot upright.


"Oh no you don't" Dan pushes me back down, swatting for England.


"Can you feel it?"


"Of course I can bloody feel it!" I spring up again.



He pushes me down again.

"Is this low enough for you?"


I don't have very much padding on my behind, stomach yes, but behind no. 


SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT!


It becomes a battle between me trying to stand up and Dan trying to keep me back down.



We are both exhausted, and my sit spots feel like they are getting ready to emigrate to safer climes.

In the end Dan is laughing too much to continue. I stand up warily and go to survey the damage in the full length mirror. 


This part of me isn't used to such energy being directed at it. My sit spots and the very tops of my thighs are a brilliant red and there are little dime (10p) sized spots that are much darker and look suspiciously like small bruises. 


I stand and rub vigorously and look at Dan accusingly.




"Do the other women you talk to on your blog act like Jack-in-a-boxes?" he asks. The evil grin is still there.

He exits the bedroom and I follow him with my robe still lifted where I am continuing to rub.


If anyone ever dares to mention chickens coming home to roost, I will have a tantrum on the spot!


30 comments:

  1. Sorry but I'm giggling just a bit!
    I had such a picture of tis encounter in my minds eye!
    I remember how you used to think others were much tougher than you!
    Not a problem any more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Listen, Supposed Friend - my poor bottom is suffering more than most around here at the moment! LOL!

      I am soooo glad you have a good imagination! You should be a fly on the wall!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  2. I do a good Jill-in-the-box impersonation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Humph! Jack-in-the-box, Jill-in-the-box, who cares?! LOL!

      I now remember just how much I dislike being held down over the end of the bed!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  3. Ami,
    You had me laughing from the very beginning. I hope you can now sit.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't that incapacitating luckily, but it hurt at the time. It's just that I much prefer being over his lap. I feel out of my depth with the footboard. Maybe that's why it can be so effective? LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  4. Oh boy, are we going to be sisters now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've suspected this for a long time. I am investigating the archives at Salt Lake City right now! LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  5. ROFLMBO! Oooohhh Aaaammmiiii...did your chickens come home to roost? *snicker*

    Hope your bum is feeling better. ;)

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You minx! I shall send you a wooden spoon!

      Don't even mention my bum - as soon as it gets over one 'situation', another comes along!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  6. Oops Ami, yes I can do that jumping up thing brilliantly:(
    Hope you are okay now, coming out to play soon?
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to know it's not just me. My theory is that the skin gets stretched so much that our rears just can't cope! LOL

      I will email you shortly! We have been so busy lately with this wretched house! I need a day off!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  7. Ouch, your poor bottom! I hope you are ablr to sit again now Ami.

    Sorry but I had to laugh reading this, I could just picture it all. Goodness, sounds like Dan has things well in hand! :)

    Now, about those chickens ... :)

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Roz. I am not holding my breath! Good grief, I don't know what's got into him! LOL!

      As I said to Sunny - don't even go there!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  8. Chickens? I'm not sure I get the chickens comment ;-) Are you talking about fried chicken as in fried thighs and fried legs? Is that the connection...she asked innocently.

    Can you tell Dan that Sundays are days of rest and 7AM does not lend itself well to rest?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Cygnet! Fried chicken indeed! You wait, I'll send you a wooden spoon as well!

      My sit spots felt like they had been fried, I can tell you!

      Cygnet, I told him that several times whilst being spanked. It made not a jot of difference!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
    2. As long as you send a man along with the wooden spoon, I am good with that. :-)

      Delete
  9. is it okay if I let out a little giggle as I was reading this :-) Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  10. Most certainly. Actually, I am beginning to feel like Muttley in Wacky Races, you know, the dog who has that really silly laugh!

    Hugs
    Ami

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poor Ami...not :-)

    Since it was Sunday I am confident Dan was only thinking of Matthew 7:7 "ask and it shall be given to you" and you did ask!!

    Hugs and Blessings!
    George

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh good grief! I should've seen that one coming!

      Delete
  12. *whistling*

    Yes stretching the skin makes it worse. Laying flat one could almost file their nails while it happens...I kid.

    He keeps on surprising you. You'll never get that mental control over spankings again if he keeps this up! Bwhahahaa...which is a GOOD thing!

    love willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet you are having a good time laughing about all of this! Mental control indeed! I am soooo glad we removed the small leather sofa from our bedroom and put it in the spare room. All this creativity is doing me in!

      Delete
  13. Looks like you have more fun looking back then at the time, Ami! Bless your husband for being creative. Grin. It always makes me smile when my own wife says after two days: I'd rather stand, thank you :-)

    I like the way you post with all the pictures, by the way..
    Take care,

    Han

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh believe me, Dan can be VERY creative when he wants to! But standing for two days!!! My goodness, Han. I don't know what to say!

      Pictures sometimes express things better than words, but I only like NICE pictures. LOL

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  14. Way too early!! lol, but does sound like a nice start to the day, mostly ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I mostly like to be up reasonably early. But in winter it is more difficult when it doesn't get light until much later.

      I don't know why it is, but we mostly have spanking sessions in the mornings around here. I live for the day when Dan springs them on me during the day, like most folk around here!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete