Monday 3 November 2014

Communication Skills

Communicate: to make known; to give information unreservedly.



You would think after 37 years of marriage I would be an expert. That I would know every trick in the book.

Not so.

I think this last couple of weeks I have been spanked for my difficulties with communication skills more times than I would care to own up to. I most assuredly have been guilty of not making known or giving information unreservedly.

Nearly every spanking has resulted in tears, or very wet eyes, plus a searingly hot bottom.

I had previously been warned, and spanked, for my negativity. I had thought all was well. 

I tried and tried to keep it in, bottle it up, tamp it down - ignore ignore ignore.


After tossing and turning in bed for hours, I ended up retreating to the spare room where I read my Kindle for most of the night, and hence both looked and felt like something that had crawled out from under a stone the next morning. 



Dan was not amused. Even though I arrived first thing with a cup of tea and not one but two Gingernuts for him.


I was sent for the Rose paddle and severely spanked. Dan didn't say much at all until afterwards. Having narrowly avoided having his front teeth knocked out, he asked me if I had had enough. At that point I couldn't even breathe let alone reply. I was just yelping "Sorry" over and over again. Never have I been so glad that Dan did actually stop, and sat quietly stroking my hot cheeks. The word 'subspace' doesn't exist in my vocabulary.



When I eventually managed to control myself, Dan told me in no uncertain words that if I don't communicate my thoughts and worries to him, he cannot do anything to help. He asked me how I would feel if I knew something was worrying him and he wouldn't tell me what it was. He told me that in future he will be watching for signs of pressure building up, and will vigorously use every possible means to release that pressure. (Every possible means = as many of our implements as it takes.) Not a happy thought. 

When you are married to a man like my Dan, deception is not wise. I now know that for a fact. Far better to own up to my feelings of stress and knots in my neck, and brave the wolf's lair, than end up having my bottom massaged liberally with one or more implements. Where has the gentle, careful, consideration of my bottom gone?



His hand is now so hard and sure, that I twisted my neck around in horror thinking he was using the paddle from the start. These days I don't seem to get a warm-up so much as a sample of things to come.

Dan rarely spanks for long. He prefers the short, sharp, painful imparting of a principle to long drawn out conversations. Hence my bottom often feeling like a vibrating drum, but without the vibration. All I can say is that my skin is soft, clear and supple due to the changes in beat!



I would also like to impart that I have been out and purchased several brightly coloured cushions to dot along our pine settle and benches around our kitchen table, because most mornings I am no longer able to sit comfortably before midday! I am extremely grateful that Dan has not yet arrived at the point of issuing spankings out of the blue at all hours, as I really don't think I would be able to survive them. I applaud those of you who do.

And just to end on a more Ami-like note - on Friday morning at 8.30am I was downstairs vacuuming the drawing room carpet, minus knickers. I had previously laughed at a friend who admitted she found wearing her pretty, lacy knickers very uncomfortable after a spanking. Believe me, it was so much more soothing to let the air caress my burning backside, than to struggle into a previously snazzy little number.




36 comments:

  1. Ami your poor bottom - now if we had a contest at who is the worst at communicating I think we would be running neck to neck most of the time. So I have a question for you (and me too, but I'm asking YOU now), what would be the harm at telling him all your worries and stresses - would you be spanked any more for having them? You might try it for a while, a day or two at least to see if you feel better in general and particularly if you're sitting better. Love you girl!

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    1. I seem to be hopeless, PK. And at one time I even used to lecture in it at college. Oh dear how the mighty have fallen!

      There would be no harm at all in sharing my worries and stresses; but for the life of me, I find it so difficult to do. The words just won't come out, and when they do I often find myself a weeping, snotty mess. I get a big lump in my throat that prevents speech entirely.

      You know, I like to be spanked to help me rid myself of stress, but I don't like to be spanked for withholding my feelings. The spanks can be much the same, yet my bottom says they feel different! If you have any answers, just let me know. LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  2. I find I go in cycles when it comes to communication. Or perhaps there seems to be deeper levels of it and more observation surrounding these levels as time goes on.

    Funny you should mention warm ups. Just had an interesting discussion/read about them last week. Apparently they do absolutely nothing to prevent bruising, and all they really do is allow the spankee to endure a longer spanking. Huh? So B. dropped the warm up. I LAUGHED....later, because if he actually 'dropped' the warm up I have been ROBBED of warm ups! He has NO clue how to 'build up' Oh well. He is grateful to be down a 'few' smacks disguised as a warm up.

    Are those actually your pillows? I love the bird one! I have made a few bird pillow covers for our living room. That sweet one would look wonderful on my island bar stools!

    Love willie
    PS. All this talk of communication, that must mean Dan is opening up more too right? *wink*

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    1. Willie, I thought I was so good. Huh! Well, plainly I am not. I am a dead loss. Do not even mention 'deeper levels' to me - I can't even cope with 'shallow levels'!

      I long suspected that warm ups were just for the enjoyment of the spanker, to see all the pretty colours! But why I should suddenly FEEL the spanks more than I used to is a mystery to me. That hand of his just plain burns after the first six or eight spanks. Although, naturally, he WILL keep hammering away on the same spot. Is there a hidden magnet there or something?!

      No, I wish those cushions were mine, but they aren't. I just found that pretty picture on the internet. My bench is much the same but our cushions are plain red. I may go in search of some with birds on now, as I like them very much, but my kitchen curtains have chickens and roosters all over them, so I don't think they would match very well.

      "Opening up more too?" Dan? Hahahahahahah!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  3. Oh Ami, we are so used to holding things in because most of the time our men either didn't really listen or were too busy worrying about 'bigger' problems in their world, that we tried working them out ourselves. Now that the world has turned, we have to turn with it. As Wilma said, is Dan communicating more because if he isn't, it's not fair.

    Love the pillows and I have a picture in my head with you vacuuming commando. Smiling.

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    1. This is the crux of the matter. We are all of us around here, strong women who have grown used to picking up the torch and carrying it!

      Dan very rarely communicates about anything to do with spanking. But yes, he does communicate on a regular basis re the house move. The same words, the same sentences, the same paragraphs - every darned morning. That is why I often end up getting spanked - because it goes in one ear and out the other!

      The pillows are not mine - just a picture off the internet. Mine are red. And me vacuuming? I looked so funny that I am grinning just thinking about it. Hair standing on end, hot and flustered, and no knickers! What can I say?!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  4. Ami, I'm curious--do you feel like you can share everything with Dan? We've been stumbling a lot lately and each time I think I hide another piece of my heart because I'm just plain tired of the hurt. Yet I can't give up all hope. Honestly, I'm sick to death of hearing it's all about communication. Sometimes I think it's much better if I keep myself quiet and only share what I know it's safe too. The last time I tried to voice some things that were making me feel very unsettled all he heard was that I didn't trust him and we hardly spoke for a week. I can't say that reaction makes me feel like my concerns are worth airing. Does Dan listen? I mean really stop, let you tell him what's on your mind and then talk it out with you? clara

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    1. Clare dear, please email me. I read something you wrote in answer to Willie's post and I looked for your email address and I couldn't find it. I will be so happy to chat and try to unsnarl some of your worries. Other people's worries are so much nicer than mine! Men ALWAYS get things inside out and the wrong way around. Do not fear, we ALL have men like that. You should see Dan's face when I try to talk about anything re TTWD. It's a picture. I think men run on a parallel track to us, and find it difficult to cross over to our side.

      The most useful word in my arsenal is the word "Maybe". I say a hundred times a week "You maybe right, dear."

      Hugs
      Ami

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  5. Ami,
    You are so funny.......... I loved the vacuuming part best....... commando is always best after a spanking. Men are not the worriers, for sure. We women know how to stew and play out things in our minds to the point when sleep will not come at all. I have so been there. Things will calm down and you know I am right.
    Meredith

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    1. Hello my little red-bottomed friend! Now she tells me! If it is to become a way of life, I shall have to develop a strategy to deal with the situation. Luckily the discomfort doesn't often last for long, but it's very uncomfortable while it lasts. And hot.

      I often wonder just how many women lie awake half the night? More than I realised, I think.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  6. Hi Ami, oh bless you, I loved that cushion with the birds on! I think I have been communicating too well, I feel like I can't stop moaning, my poor husband must feel like moving out. Talking of communicating please email me to meet up!!!
    love Jan,xx

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    1. I wish those were my cushions, but alas they were found on the internet. Mine are plain red ones. My communicating has completely gone out the window of late. I will email you tomorrow. Life is a completely whirlwind, tornado, hurricane at the moment. You just would not believe it. I promise we will meet up, but will contact you first.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  7. Oh Ami,
    I completely understand. The last couple weeks have been a bit rough for me, you would think I wouldn't have weeks like this anymore, but they still do happen. I told my husband last night that he got robbed in the communication department, he has to be the one who does most of the communication. I wish I was better at it, I'm just not. I keep trying and you are too and I love how he is encouraging you to communicate and open up to him...except the you getting spanked part lol. I hope everything is going well for you now :) I love those pillows too!
    Hugs

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    1. I think we all have these rough weeks from time to time Jennelle, in fact, I seem to have had several on the trot! My communicating skills have gone down the pan completely. I think I may look for some sort of anti-spanking lotion to rub on my poor sore rear. Just think, I might make a fortune from the patent. LOL

      Hugs
      Ami

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  8. Your poor bottom. You do make me laugh. I can image you vacuuming with no knickers on (I've done that a few times). Love your pillows.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. I am glad my bottom makes someone laugh! I'm glad to hear you have knickerless times as well. Mind you, those among us who play with extra large cannons - well, what can I say?! LOL

      Sadly the pillows are not mine, just a photo from the internet. Mine are plain red to match the cockerels' combs on my curtains. But we do have a bench like that with lids that lift up to store stuff in.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  9. Love your heart! Good luck with your communicating, it's something I struggle with too.
    Hugs,
    Elle

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    1. See Elle, even someone as old and ancient as me has trouble from time to time with the communication part of it. All I can say is that you need not worry - you can just blame me and say you were using me as a guide. Ha! Better strap a cushion on your backside! If you copy me you'll need it!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  10. Mmmm, I cannot find nothing funny in your post Ami. I read about a man that doesn't warm up, and that seems a bit like sex, good foreplay is just as important with spanking as it is in sex. I read about a man that spanks without communication, and the first thing he should be communicating about is a safeword. So his wife is not in the middle of the night alone in the dark.

    I do think you have both a lot of communicating to do. It's not going to be solved by spanking more or harder. It's going to start with a safeword I think.

    Sorry for being so bold, but after so many years of marriage he ought to know your communication skills. And a talk between equals would clear the air.

    Take care of yourself and those who love you,

    Han

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    1. Oh Han, thank you so much for your comments. I always like to get 'straight' comments. They are the ones I find the most thought-provoking.

      I like a warm-up session very much, but I truly don't find it helpful as far as preparing me for what to come, is concerned. Nothing seems to prepare me for that. It also depends what type of a mood I am in. Sometimes, if I am in an argumentative, unco-operative mood, the only thing that helps is a really good reminder of how I SHOULD be acting.

      I have thought of having a safeword, but somehow it has never seemed necessary. But I promise you I will give it some more thought, and discuss it with Dan. From my point of view, I would be worried that I would use it all the time - just because I am a bit of a wuss! It would also have to be a very simple straightforward safeword, as I am sure I would forget it otherwise.

      Please continue to give me your point of view as I find it very helpful.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  11. Hello Ami
    I'm actually with sunny on this one, well for me at least. I have spent so many years trying to keep it all in and cope because H wasn't able to deal with my issues as well as his own that now he is I do t always know how to share, and sometimes I can't even work out what's wrong with myself for a while, until I've worked myself into a real lather.
    H will often one recognise the signs before I do, he's on the look out for it a bit like Dan. It helps because I can give it all up and let it go easier that way.

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    1. I am glad you understand how difficult it is, Janey. I do the same as you - I work my self into a real lather and sometimes over relatively small issues. Dan always says "Something is wrong, I know it, but I can't help you fix something if you don't tell me what it is." I think we are lucky that at least our husbands can recognise the signs.

      I am going to have to work on telling him whenever things get too much for me, and then I will leave it to him to decide how he wants to deal with it.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  12. Oh goodness Amikins...you are under so much stress and I do think it would help you sleep better if you could release the worry before you go to sleep...by speaking with Dan not spanking. Then you can start the day with a stress relief. And remember...your friends are available for chatting if it will help release the stress. Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Since writing this I have tried to 'talk' more.

      These days I sometimes feel like a pressure cooker that needs its valve twisting to release the steam.

      I know you are always available for chatting, Cat, and I can't thank you enough for your patience with me. You are a good friend.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  13. Ami....Ami....Ami! My dear girl we are so much alike at times I feel like you could be talking for me!
    My Scotsman just assured me that I do the same thing....bottle up and then explode everywhere!
    I say get those stress relief ones to counter the needed ouchie ones that leave you vacuuming commando!
    I also giggled when you indicated Dan communicates....THE SAME EXACT THING EVERY TIME YOU TALK ABOUT THE HOUSE!!! LOL
    That happens here too....just not about the house! And I get a bit cheeky too.

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    1. Honey, you are making me giggle yet again!

      Are you telling me you vacuum commando as well from time to time?! Ha!

      What is it about men that they need to keep repeating themselves and going over the same ground again and again? Is it that we don't listen the first time, as we know we are going to get a re-run? Or is it BECAUSE we don't listen that we get all the re-runs?

      Glad it happens with you too.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  14. Oh Ami your poor bottom! I loved the knickerless vacuuming lol, you are so funny :)

    I'm sorry you are so stressed. It's wonderful that Dan wants you to communicate your thoughts and worries. I'm with Minelle, stress relief has got to be better than a more ouchy spanking.

    We Women are born worriers and I can definitely relate to bottling things up. Sometimes I think I communicate too much lol, but it is hard sometimes and we stew instead.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Snort!!! You know, Roz, I kind of enjoyed vacuuming in the raw! Maybe I'll do it again when it is least expected! LOL!

      Yes - I will try asking for more stress relief as several of you are recommending more of it. It can't hurt to ask, can it? Well, you know what I mean, it can hurt, but....

      I do hate all this lying awake during the wee small hours, but I always have bottled things up. Sigh.

      Communicate too much! Ha! I am giggling yet again.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  15. It is hard to share feelings sometimes even with the people we trust and love the most, sometimes especially with the ones we trust and love the most. Why is that??? :-) I hope your worries disappear... Sorry for your tender bottom... Hugs

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    1. I have always tried my best to keep my worries to myself, but now they don't seem to want to be held in. I suppose I just don't want to lay them on Dan's shoulders as he does so much to try to lessen my worries as it is.

      My bottom gets tender, but never stays that way. Sigh. When we first began I used to check my bottom in the mirror several times a day, but I no longer bother because the red soon fades to pink which soon fades back to my usual pale skin. Only on one or two horrible remembered occasions has the colour stayed a significantly long time. LOL.

      But I do hope this stress will soon begin to subside. I could do without it.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  16. Oh Ami!
    I, too, have a tendency to worry, to bottle, to stuff, to eventually blow....Hope all goes well!
    Saoirse

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    1. Hi Saoirse! How're you doing?

      Maybe we women should be likened to bottles of champagne. When we are able to be quiet and calm there isn't a single bubble, but when we get shaken up by something or someone, we fizz and our corks go flying in all directions.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  17. Ami, poor dear, sorry to hear that you are having to vacuum commando!

    Communicating is difficult. What is the famous saying about our two countries, that we are separated by a common language.

    Sharing our thoughts with our other half seems to be a ubiquitious scenario not limited to just the fairer sex. I hear from Nina all the time that I don't talk to her and tell her what is on my mind. Although... I will tell you speaking as a man that unlike women, sometimes there really is no thought coarsing across my grey matter....really! (don't laugh it's true!)

    Terps is right about sometimes it being hard to share with the one we should be able to tell all. I think it has to do with wanting to avoid being a burden vs any nefarious motivations. You have already shared your most secret secret, so just start spilling your thoughts like a crazy woman (now that should be right up your alley!)

    Oh yes, and lastly, cushions? Oh yes there they are! LOL

    Hugs,
    George

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    1. Not a word about going commando from you, young man! (Wink)

      Sorry, re your second paragraph, I have stopped giggling and am now laughing like a drain!

      Oh George, he already thinks I am a crazy woman! He simply cannot understand why on earth I get myself so worked up over small or solvable issues. There are rarely any big problems, just small ones that I blow up into mountains.

      I suppose I am just not as strong as I thought I was. (Re the theme music to the film "Divergent")

      Hugs
      Ami

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  18. Ah, passive aggressiveness is a term I know far too well, lol. Crush has been working on curing me of that habit since the day we married (he's made some progress, too), but he's never tried spanking for it (and, no, I'm not suggesting he should). Look on the bright side, at least you got a shopping trip out of it, lol.

    Hugs,
    Amy

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  19. Hi Amy, and thanks for your comments. I admit I had never thought of myself as being passive aggressive - but you are dead right. I do not, however, recommend you get Crush to spank for it unless you are determined to nip it in the bud. My 'bud' is in 'full flower' and therefore I have a horrible feeling that it will take a lot of spanking to cure me of it. Sigh.

    Yes, at least I got new cushions! Could do with some more too!

    Hugs
    Ami

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