Monday 13 April 2015

How Compliant are You?

Notice I didn't use the word submissive



But I suppose that's what I really mean. I've thought about it a lot over this past week. More than a week in fact.

Somehow over the past couple of weeks our feet don't seem to have touched the ground. We have been racing around from one place to another, or had the house full of people. 

It's been a couple of weeks when I began to think at one point that Dan was fed up with my company, because he was never around. Or didn't seem to be. 

He is very involved with helping to organise a fund-raising cycle ride in June in aid of prostate cancer; plus his voluntary work visiting the homes of the elderly and vulnerable, fitting smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors; plus going to support our home team (football - that's soccer to some of you) who have had an unpredictable season; plus he's even been away working for one or two days which have necessitated overnight stays.



There has been no time to even think about spanking. It has just been too full on. A typical example of life getting in the way. Maybe some people can manage to squeeze it in here and there, but with Dan, it seems a major impossibility, and always ends up getting deferred indefinitely. It seems he has to be in the mood for it.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I no longer ask for spankings, nor do I purposely sulk and sigh and flounce about trying to provoke a fight. I just stay hopeful; and mostly that eventually seems to work.

But I have noticed Dan can be very cunning. His 'don't you dare do that'/'not another word'/'don't even think it' signals are getting more practised. In times of spanking scarcity, these signals are definitely more prolific.



The strange thing is that, on the whole, I seem to acknowledge them, and they do tend to halt me in my tracks.

So, is this submissive? Surely it's just common sense?

Now - I know that many of you own up to the fact that you didn't promise to "obey" when you got married. Why is this?

It's something I've thought about time and again over the years - nearly 38 now.

I didn't want to say those words. After all, the Princess Royal had just got married, and she didn't say them! So why should I?

Well, I promised to obey because our priest refused to marry us otherwise, and because Dan gave me a very black look, which said "Obey or else". I can remember it clear as day.



"Why should I?" I asked the both of them. (I was feeling very heated and press-ganged at the time.)

"Because," the priest explained, "he will literally give his life for you should it be necessary. He will be there by your side to protect you from anything and everything the world and the years to come, throw at you. He will love you and guide you and lead you, all the years of your lives."

I can remember Dan nodding in puzzled agreement, but thinking it strange that the priest should be putting him on a silver steed, fitting him with shining armour and handing him a lance. It made him feel like a dog with two tails because it appealed to his natural sense of maleness

So I stood there in front of the congregation and spoke those words "I obey" in spite of not really thinking about what I had actually agreed to, and looking back, I find it quite amazing that such a feisty, argumentative little so and so such as me, would acquiesce in such a way. (I did throw the occasional saucepan at Dan's head those first few years, but that's another story!).

To start with we both worked full time, then when the children came along I continued to work part time. We always had our specific tasks in our household, that we kept to. 

Dan sorted the finances, kept the septic tank from blocking up, mowed lawns and kept the outside in good order. He looked after the cars in all aspects from fuel to insurance. He was brilliant at paddock maintenance. (He still does all these things!)

I looked after the inside and all that entailed, from cooking and laundry to interior design, decorating and being a mother with all that entailed. (I still do all these things, but being a mother is somewhat different in this day and age, and I've added being a grandmother to the list long since.)

Dan would be away for long periods at a time, sometimes flying back from one destination to be gone to another within 24 hours. I had horses, dogs, cats, hens and boisterous children. And a part time teaching job. I was busy to the point of exhaustion. But somehow the years flew.

I got used to Dan drawing up a daily list of things for me to do. I got used to him asking or phoning me and ask me to do little extras such as banking or picking up his dry cleaning. I never questioned when he would invite business colleagues for dinner, or meetings in his office. 

I just got on with it all.

Strangely, it wasn't until our children were in their late teens, and beginning to fly the nest, such as away at college, that things started to go a little awry for us. 

I am a strong, independent woman. I believe in strong independent women. Our ancestors fought for it. They chained themselves to railings to achieve it, went on rallies and carried placards. 




I salute them for it. I wouldn't have it any other way. One of my heroines is Elizabeth Garratt Anderson, who not only had a family, but who became one of the very first female doctors - and managed to find time to march as a suffragette! (We have a whole hospital wing named after her.)



But somehow, along the way, something got lost.

In our fight for female suffrage, we forgot to lean on the ones we love the most. Instead of seeking their strength and assistance, we fought them, we derided them, we sneered at them. No door opening for us. No helping us on with our coats, or into our cars. If what we wanted was equality, then we could have it. But we couldn't have it both ways. 

So now, when we lust after these strong-minded men ("a white knight on a fiery steed" - listen to the old record by Bonny Tyler!) they are in very short supply. We have driven them back into the woodwork. We have shoved them away and shouted that we can manage very well without them, thank you very much.

Perhaps we can.

But do we really want to?

Dan brought me coffee in bed on Saturday morning and we sat in peaceful contemplation of the sunshine through the windows.

"The first thing I am going to do this morning is to give you a good whacking" he informed me.

To anyone reading this and not understanding Dan, it must sound awful. I have to tell you that Dan is the very last person on this earth who would give me a good whacking. It is not in his nature. A good spanking yes, but not a good whacking. Even when I annoy him above all endurance, his spanking is very controlled - ouchy, but controlled. 

Is this where I should be communicating to him? I thought to myself. Is this where I should be trying to explain that I have felt somewhat neglected this past couple of weeks? That I have felt he was too busy to be interested in me or what I was doing? That I had almost decided to keep a note of just how much he was out gallivanting around with all his 'stuff' while I was mostly at home 'alone'.



I decided not to say anything about it. Why try to provoke an argument? But it smarted. Almost as much as I knew my bottom was about to smart.

"Go get an implement".

How many times have you read that little command on this blog?


I would be interested to know how many of you are sent to fetch the implement shortly to be employed in reddening your rear end? If, like me, you are, do you consider this being submissive - obedient?

And when you are facing that drawer where they are kept, which implement do you choose? How do you make your decision?

Those of you whose husbands get the implement - how would you feel if you were sent to fetch it? 

I can tell you that many thoughts go through my mind at such a time. I would often like to refuse. But this is what I signed up for, isn't it, in the first place? I agreed to obey? Surely that means obey most things? And if spanking is consensual, as it is in this household, surely there should be no argument over me being asked to go get an implement?

But it is very hard to choose which implement is to be used. 



Especially as I rarely know what type of spanking it is going to be. I have known light hearted spankings turn into yelpy battles with Dan bringing me to tears. I have known spankings that start as the type you think are going to be unendurable, turn into the very best of sexy interludes. 

As I may not ask what type of spanking Dan intends,(he tells me it is up to him!)it becomes very difficult to choose the right implement for the occasion. Therefore I usually chicken out and fetch the Rose paddle. At least it is leather and flexible. (Ha! Silly me! I live with permanent crescent shapes decorating my sit-upon.) 

Sometimes I will feel able to pick another implement, when, for example, I know I have been snippy and full of attitude and have stirred up disharmony. On some occasions Dan will send me back for another implement so he can use more than one. 

I don't always like it, but he says that the end always justifies the means. (A means to an end? Ha!)

So I was thoroughly spanked. And it did hurt. My distancing had been noticed. The paddle did the commenting.



As I lay over his knee I asked why it was always me who had to fetch the implement and was told he thought it was good for me in order to be reminded of my place in the hierarchy. (I have a tendency to forget, it seems.) I would dispute that when I look around at some of our vanilla friends.

Dan also likes to be sure that the implement is going to fit the crime. 



He just loves using either of the nippers - big or small. That big one stays hidden well away. I would only ever bring it out if requested to do so. I even rub my bottom in anticipation before the little nipper is used. (How any of you can cope with cheeseboards or wooden paddles I have no idea.)

But back to the subject of being compliant.

Cards on table.

What do you do that you consider is compliance? And I don't mean taking your man a well-earned cup of tea, or massaging his back in the shower, or taking the rubbish bins out - I mean what do you do in order to obey

How submissive are you?
Would you agree to "obey" if you went back in time and had to say your vows all over again?
Could you choose your own implement for each spanking, knowing that you might be asked to bring out a much worse one if you chose wrongly?

Finally, what do you consider the difference to be between being compliant, and having a man exert control over you that you found unacceptable?

Just for the record, I would definitely say "I obey" again if I had my time over. Whether I would have behaved any differently without it, I don't know. Whether I would behave any differently way back in time when it was acceptable to spank your wife, I don't know that either. But I really look forward to your opinions, if you have time to give them.


I will finish on a silly note. Dan and I often share the bathroom, although sadly our shower is rather too small for two people of our age and stiff joints. LOL! 

As I bent down to dry my legs he stroked my bottom, consideringly. I thought he might be tempted with a few well placed spanks, but no. 

"Your skin is so smooth these days." More stroking. "It is so silky. Do you rub moisturising cream on it?" 

He was asking me this in all seriousness.

Honestly! Men! 

31 comments:

  1. Ami,
    Wow! So much to comment on in this post. First of all, I did say "obey" in my vows, which made me cringe, but I don't think I really meant it when I said it all those years ago.

    I've never had to choose my implements, I hope Gabe doesn't read this post to get that idea in his head! Argh!

    I believe submission is a gift. It cannot be taken from us, we have to give it freely, otherwise it is abuse and control. I witnessed the wrong kind of submission in my mother growing up. I vowed I would never be like her. She was a doormat and I knew I didn't want to be anything like her. Now, however, I understand submission in a different way. I know that I can trust Gabe to lead me and that he will never abuse his authority over me. I am still feisty, opinionated and strong-willed and that often gets me into trouble, but Gabe says he doesn't want me to change the way I am. He doesn't want a doormat for a wife, so I often find myself over his knee.

    I think compliance and submission is giving over control to my husband, but still having a say in the decision. I have found that the more I give up my control, the more freedom I have found. I'm a lot more at peace and have more confidence in my relationship with Gabe now than I ever have before. I know what he expects and he knows what I expect from him. I'm still learning how to be submissive and some days it's not easy! But I love how Gabe has stepped up as HOH and has moved into his role quite easily.

    Great post, Ami.
    Megan

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    1. Thank you, Megan for all your comments. I am so glad to read that someone, somewhere, said obey and not just me.

      Smug look here: I think you SHOULD let Gabe read this post! Ha!

      I am sorry you saw your mother as a doormat. I know what you mean as Dan's mother was a bit like that. She never dared say anything back to his father if she disagreed. It used to annoy me no end. But my mother was the opposite of a doormat. My parents lived life with a great intensity, and I often saw my dad give my mum a hearty smack across her rear - mostly because he enjoyed doing it.

      I feel very strongly about the importance of our opinions being listened to. So long as Dan listens to me, I don't mind at all if he makes the final decisions. In fact, it is good to pass the responsibility on to him and not have to worry about it.

      I am glad you are feisty, opinionated and strong-willed. Snap! I think most men prefer women with some fire to them.

      Hugs
      mi

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  2. Wow..lots to think of after reading this. If i am sent to choose, i am also told which one He wants....but most often He has His choice in plain view...so i can anticipate...in a happy or not....way. Submission is something i offer Him..compliance is not always part of that...altho it should be, i guess.
    I agree that submission is a gift...but so is their part...their dominance or leadership is also a gift. They are willingly given...compliance not always so willingly, i think. Still sorting all of this out....you have given us lots to think about.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks, Abby. (I still cannot get your blog to 'stick' in my 'blog posts that I follow' column, so sorry if I don't read all of your posts. I do try to keep up with them.)

      That is interesting that you are told which implement to fetch. I am sometimes, but usually the choice is left up to me, and it is so difficult.

      You have hit the nail on the head by saying that their dominance or leadership is also a gift. I totally agree with that. I know it is something I not only want from Dan, but I need it. It's almost become like water in times of drought. I look to it.

      The submission and compliance thing, for me, will always be an issue. The more you think about it, the more complex it all becomes.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  3. As abby said, lots to think about. I didn't say "I obey", I used cherish 44 years ago. As Megan said, I watched my mother be a doormat for my father and vowed that would never be me. I haven't changed my mind. I'm tough to live with. I don't give up or in easily but I admit there are things I do just because I know he likes it that way. I think of it as compliance not submission. I don't like the word submission. Semantics

    Our ttwd is purely for fun, so I usually get to choose the weapon of 'a** destruction - sometimes he chooses. They're kept right beside his side of the bed so there is no getting up and moving involved - just reaching.

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    1. I think they use the word 'cherish' nowadays, Leigh. And so you were another one who watched your mother be rather more of a doormat than you felt happy about. I find this sad, but interesting, as I come from a line of terrifically strong women on my mother's side. If I am honest, some of them, and I am thinking about my grandmother, and my great grandmother, were far too strong-minded for their own good.

      Hmmm. So it is you who chooses that awful dogging strap sort of a thing I looked up on Google. Golly, Leigh. It terrified me! Rather you than me! It didn't look very flexible! LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  4. Ami,

    I was one that did not have "the obey" part in my vows. Not because I refused, but because that is what happens when you get married in a non-religious wedding chapel. If I could go back in time I would have demanded it be including in my vows. But, oh boy that 18 year old I was would have rather jumped off a bridge.

    As a young child I witness men abuse and take. As a result, I did not trust men. And I was NOT going to repeat my mother's mistakes.

    Time has healed some of my wounds and I have learned that it was a fault in my mother to tolerate abuse and cruelty, not mine.

    For me, compliance and submission are one in the same. I show it by biting my tongue and ignoring my naturally sarcastic comebacks. I bend and flex to the issues he feels are important. I have even walked myself to pick the implement (he makes me help decide) and displaying my body to him even when I disagreed.

    That is how I show compliance to my Jim. I also ignore my inclination to argue and rage out on him (how I used to deal with it). I still know that if abuse entered my life, I would NOT be submissive in anyway regardless of vows, or time.

    I will not repeat the past of my mother.


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    1. Golly, 18 years old! I was still at school then. (But, I did meet Dan when I was 16 - it just took us a long while....) Well done!

      I am sorry you were witness to abuse re your mother. But I am glad you grew in strength and were able to deal with your memories. Sometimes it is very hard to do that.

      I never use sarcasm as I don't care for it, but my remarks can be very snippy and full of attitude. I don't like myself for being like that, but sometimes I can' t help it. I always regret it. Somewhere along the line a spanking helps. And it also changes my frame of mind and makes me happier and more energetic as well. So strange. Hard to believe.

      Thank you so much for your comments.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  5. Wow Ami...when you decide to post, ya through everything but the kitchen sink at us don't ya! LOL

    I have never cared for the word submission...prefer the word yielding and always preferred to be asked rather than told. When I married my ex, I wasn't given a choice...the minister used the word 'cherish' rather than 'obey'...didn't bother me but made my ex unhappy. Matthew informed me that I didn't have to say the word 'obey' when we were discussing our wedding because by his definition, he was the head of the household...leader of the family and his word was law! So take that!!! LOL

    Bottom line...if you love someone..be it spouse, children, family, friends...you 'do' for them.

    Hugs and blessings...
    Cat

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    1. I just love KITCHEN SINKS, Cat!

      Very important - to be asked rather than told to do something. But occasionally it is the only way with me, and bless him, Dan knows that and you should see the gleam in his eyes! Wretched man! He knows I hate that walk across the room to the drawer where the implements are kept!

      Lovely to connect last night, Cat. Glad things are good with you!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  6. Hi Ami,

    Wow - this is very thought provoking. I would have to say that I'm usually pretty compliant because I grew up being a people pleaser and a peace seeker. So I'm quick to back down - but that can sometimes irritate my hubby when he really wants to know my opinion on such simple things like where we should go out to eat, lol.

    But that's a bit ironic since the best way for me to show my submission to him is to shut my mouth when he's talking to me about something important. To let him speak without interruption - and then rather than batting him down, really hearing him and going on to dialogue, without letting myself get distracted by being offended. Our conversations are much more fruitful when I manage to do this.

    So speaking my thoughts when he asks, and then listening quietly when he's talking is what makes him happy.

    I don't remember our vows but we probably said cherish as that was the norm of the day. I don't have a problem with the word obey but I do love the word cherish better.

    I usually get to choose our implement since I'm the spanko and not him. But he did surprise me that one time - switching from the flogger to his belt and I really enjoyed that - so hopefully he'll do it again in the future. :)

    And I think the other ladies have done such a beautiful job of explaining the gift of submission vs abusive control.

    I never saw either of these in the home that I grew up in, so understanding what submission is and looks like has been a learning process - and it's been the best since coming into blogland and finding out how beautifully feminine and sexy submission can be. And how fulfilling it is for the both of us.

    :) Cali

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    1. Sometimes I am complaint for weeks on end, and then I work myself up to a lather over something insignificant, and come out like a miniature Rottweiller. You sound so calm!

      But flogger and belt!? Good grief woman! You have me in awe, and very nervous at the thought of either of those two. Aren't we funny the way we view things?

      I am the spanko here as well. But I think that Dan is gradually becoming more of a spanko than he used to be, all things considered. I actually think he enjoys it now, and he never complains of his hand hurting like he did at the beginning; in fact his hand seems hard as a board to me compared to what it felt like when we started out. Funny that!

      Thinking of submission as sexy and fun and feminine is just brilliant. Now that is the way to look at it! I shall always try to think of it like that, myself, now!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  7. For a different twist - I never said obey. Just wasn't done at the time. Then I came out as a spanko (23 years later) and the fact that I wanted to explore my submissive side, only to find out Nick wasn't interested in being dominant, at least not in that way. He didn't take me to raise, I was told. Submission is hard enough if your husband appreciated it, it they aren't interested it's extremely hard to keep up the effort. I know I should do better about things I know he cares about, but I don't. My hearts not in it and I turn my energies toward fiction. Probably not good, but it's what I do.

    Now one more thing - exactly what do you mean by 'paddock.' I know what I think it means here and I don't think that's what you're talking about. I'm very interested in learning to speak "English" rather than just "American".

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    1. Well, Dan said that I wasn't a child and he wasn't treating me like one, so Nick is on exactly the same wave length, PK. And sometimes, don't you just love a good old shouty argument? For us, it clears the air and we never, never hold grudges. Spanking would be better, but these days I get that as well - at some point along the way.

      I was thinking about what you said about your heart not being in submissive mood, but I know when you 'play' you do submissive things like handcuffs that I am not allowed to do, so you get lots of points in my book for that, and quite a bit of envy over here too!

      So, for everyone else's benefit: a paddock is a smallish grassy field, usually with post and rail fencing, and usually with horses in it.

      LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  8. Hi Ami, Firstly Princess Anne should maybe have said obey, she might still be married to him if she had gone into it with a better attitude!
    I think I pretty much think most of it is common sense and just being nice. I don't think of myself as submissive but I aim to please....
    I do have to unlock the toy trunk and am often told to choose an implement. To be honest I like this as it means I can choose my pink spoon :) It's better than all the wooden stuff he favours.
    I can't remember if I said obey, I don't think anyone asked me what I wanted to say I just repeated what the vicar told me to. I would choose to say it now though, definitely. PK made me laugh, what the heck is a paddock in America then, more exciting than a field to keep horses in I bet ;)?
    Hope you and Dan are well
    love Jan,xx

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    1. But, Jan, would you have wanted to be married all your life to Mark Phillips? No, I don't think so~!

      A toy trunk?!!! I dream of such things!!!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  9. P and I made no vows at our wedding. We made a declaration to be loving and faithful towards each other and that was it. A one sentence promise. Given we only married 10 years ago, I doubt I would change what we did or said, it was perfect as it was. It never crossed my mind to think of 'obey' in the context of marriage. I don't think I've been to a wedding where it was included in the vows. By saying I love my husband, I'm making it known I intend to do everything in my power to keep him happy and if that means being compliant and non-confrontational, then I will. I think that puts me at odds with many of my friends who fight for what they need to the extent of putting their marriage at risk. However, I also have a friend who I consider has too little say in her choices. There's a balance somewhere to be maintained.
    As for choice of implement - I let him pick. It's how he uses it which makes me nervous!
    hugs
    DF

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    1. I think what you have to say is truly lovely. And definitely a balance has to be achieved.

      I am not sure, however, that many people these days think of the depth to the words "I love you". Little challenges, hiccups and tough times come along, and many of them abandon ship. I know from experience that a long marriage can only be achieved by lots of hard work and compromise on both sides.

      I'm still of the opinion that a good fight can clear the air - but since starting TTWD, I am usually the one to defer to Dan. Only very occasionally will he admit to being wrong. And seriously, he is usually right, so much so, that we laugh about it.

      I think that it is always the way the implement is used that is important. (I get nervous too from time to time!)

      Hugs
      Ami

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  10. No I don't get the instrument to be applied entirely his choice, I would like to somtimes particulary if I know I'm in for a hard time. Yes I did say obey, the priest would not have it any otherway and yes I was a bit put out but did not put up a fight. Obey, not very good at that, don't think I ever will be, but I do responded to the "look" quickly, but he does not want me to just obey as he says it would not be me if did not challenge him, he likes the fun that ensues.

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    1. Thank you very much for commenting, Anonymous. I am so glad someone else said "I obey..." That's 3 of us at least! Your reaction sounds just like mine was!

      I like to think that all our men enjoy a challenge. I know I am one great big challenge all the time for Dan. LOL! And the fun is the best bit!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  11. Sweet Ami,
    An email is in the works as I try to shake jet lag. We did not use the word obey in our vows. We wrote our own vows. Since beginning ttwd, I enjoy being submissive to Jack most of the time. Even when know it means a spanking awaits. This is a great post. You are the only wife I know who must choose her won spanking implement. That should make you feel special. Right?
    Meredith

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    1. I agree that jet lag is horrible. I find it a very strange phenomenon as it doesn't matter which way around the world I travel, I still get jet lag on most of my trips. Just a handful, mainly a long way east, I have managed to survive without getting it. Perhaps due to falling asleep through exhaustion on the aircraft, and usually just from the US back to the UK I cannot sleep a wink.

      I am laughing when I think about me feeling special due to having to choose my implement. You should just hear my remarks as I try to get him to choose them every once in a while! He just remarks that I should do as I am told and if I don't hurry up he will tell me which one to bring to him. That gets me moving very quickly!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  12. Hi Ami, having to read your posts on my phone as my tablet doesn't seem to like tbe background.

    This is a great post. Lots to think about. I don't recall being told to choose an implement, but have been been sent to retrieve the implement of his choice on numerous occasions.

    I do see submission as a gift as it is freely given.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I wish I could read posts on my phone! I seem to be able to get emails etc on my ipod, but not my phone! Stupid Sonyi Xperia! Avoid them like the plague!

      I think that is even worse - going to fetch the implement and being told what to get. I hate the odd occasions when this happens to me! It is always a wooden item that I would've avoided like the plague!

      Thank you for your comments.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  13. You have shared lots of information for us to think about. The quote about putting up walls to see who cares enough to tear them down certainly has held true for me from time to time. It is hard to fully trust and let go. With regards to our wedding vows, we wrote our own words to express our devotion to each other - we promised to love, to cherish, to respect, to honor...obey was not a part of it. I cannot imagine us stating our love differently. We both do things for each other because we care about each other. I don't know that my husband has ever asked anything of me that would require me to obey; however, have I done things to please him? Yes. Has he made decisions about things about the household or cars or such that I have simply accepted? Yes. As has he. We work as I team. If he leads I follow. I don't need to obey to follow. I think naturally I have some submissive tendencies but I am also very independent. Our spanking relationship involves around play. For me I love when he chooses implements because as the spanko I love to feel his gentle dominance, Though most of this about submission or compliance, I have thought about but lack experience and just am continuing to think and learn and discover for myself what it all means. Thanks for sharing yourself and making me think... Big hugs to you!

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    1. Thank you, Terps, for such great comments. I think we are all nodding our heads in agreement as we read them. The further I go into TTWD the more I learn about similarities amongst the people I know the best. Although we all have our own roads down which we travel, it seems to me that we are all going in the same direction.

      I loved your vows - your own words. I think lots of couples do that these days. I know it would be something we should have loved to have been able to do, but we were "told" exactly what was expected. Fortunately our traditional vows have stood the test of time.

      I have now reached the stage where I couldn't imagine any other way of living. I am his spark, and his dominance fans my flames.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  14. LOL saucepans at his head? Ami! :D

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  15. I know. It almost makes me want to hang my head in shame. Almost.

    I ruined two very good saucepans, broke a glass or two, and even hurled a cuckoo clock! LOL! Good old youth and volatility.

    Hugs
    Ami

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  16. I'm a bit late to the game, but I had to chime in on a couple topics.
    First, I was adamant that "obey" be part of our vows when we married six years ago. I am very traditional in my views, but I haven't done as well with the follow through. I am entirely too opinionated and independent. I am trying to learn, though, and hope I will get better with time.
    Second, I'm with PK. I wish my hubby would accept my submission and get on board with TTWD/DD (I'm not yet certain of the differences between them). I have been trying to do the things I know matter to him and I have seen changes in him because I'm "nicer" as he says. Maybe eventually, he'll come around.
    Third, I'm American, and your definition of paddock is the same as mine. When I read you're post, however, I thought maybe a paddock in England was like a front yard? I didn't realize that a paddock had to be cared for in any special manner. I'm a city girl. Sorry. :-)
    At any rate, I enjoyed the post. Much food for thought here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sub Esq! Thank you so much for stopping by with your comments.

      That probably makes about 3 of us around here who said 'obey'. To me, it seems the appropriate thing to say if you expect your husband to love, cherish and protect you all your lives. But then, we were married a long time ago and things were different then.

      Don't worry. I, too, am very independent, but I am trying hard not to be so opinionated as I used to be. Occasionally it bubbles out, but mostly I am learning when to keep my mouth shut. Hard though. I am sure you will get better as time goes on.

      When we first started TTWD/DD, it was explained to me by a "professional DD advisor" (yes, they truly exist) that we needed to go very slowly and not be pressurised into rushing into it all. It was the best advice we ever received. And yes, it can take years. Three years in and we are only "beginners", yet so much has happened and we seem to have come a long way. But it isn't easy.

      Mostly we have gaps when nothing really seems to happen, then we leap forwards. This is normal. Try not to influence your hubby. It seems strange, and I was one of the worst at one point, but just lie back and let the cards fall where they may. Give him your trust. I think you will find that he will begin to take up the torch without being reminded. As many of my earlier posts had to be taken down due to 'trolls' making horrid comments, please feel free to email me if you want to ask anything. I will try to be as truthful as I can. We have had many 'downs' in our progression towards the 'ups', and I can try to explain to you the difference between DD and TTWD. It would take too long here. I would explain it as it was explained to me. I am absolutely sure your husband will come around, but it might be so gradual you will only notice it when you have travelled a couple of years down the line.

      Haha - paddocks. Yes, small fields lined with post and rail fencing for horses to be kept in. The difference in England is that we call our outside space with lawns and flower beds "gardens" and you call them "yards". To us, yards are places where you keep your cars and maybe garden machinery. They don't have grass and are paved or cobbled. Might be courtyards. Might be farmyards.

      Please do not apologise for being a city girl. I am a country girl and very green and un-street worthy. Hopeless in cities! I can empathise completely. I am very glad to meet you - it's good to have variety!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
    2. Hi Sub Esq! Thank you so much for stopping by with your comments.

      That probably makes about 3 of us around here who said 'obey'. To me, it seems the appropriate thing to say if you expect your husband to love, cherish and protect you all your lives. But then, we were married a long time ago and things were different then.

      Don't worry. I, too, am very independent, but I am trying hard not to be so opinionated as I used to be. Occasionally it bubbles out, but mostly I am learning when to keep my mouth shut. Hard though. I am sure you will get better as time goes on.

      When we first started TTWD/DD, it was explained to me by a "professional DD advisor" (yes, they truly exist) that we needed to go very slowly and not be pressurised into rushing into it all. It was the best advice we ever received. And yes, it can take years. Three years in and we are only "beginners", yet so much has happened and we seem to have come a long way. But it isn't easy.

      Mostly we have gaps when nothing really seems to happen, then we leap forwards. This is normal. Try not to influence your hubby. It seems strange, and I was one of the worst at one point, but just lie back and let the cards fall where they may. Give him your trust. I think you will find that he will begin to take up the torch without being reminded. As many of my earlier posts had to be taken down due to 'trolls' making horrid comments, please feel free to email me if you want to ask anything. I will try to be as truthful as I can. We have had many 'downs' in our progression towards the 'ups', and I can try to explain to you the difference between DD and TTWD. It would take too long here. I would explain it as it was explained to me. I am absolutely sure your husband will come around, but it might be so gradual you will only notice it when you have travelled a couple of years down the line.

      Haha - paddocks. Yes, small fields lined with post and rail fencing for horses to be kept in. The difference in England is that we call our outside space with lawns and flower beds "gardens" and you call them "yards". To us, yards are places where you keep your cars and maybe garden machinery. They don't have grass and are paved or cobbled. Might be courtyards. Might be farmyards.

      Please do not apologise for being a city girl. I am a country girl and very green and un-street worthy. Hopeless in cities! I can empathise completely. I am very glad to meet you - it's good to have variety!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete