Honesty

Since we started TTWD, I have often read posts where the wife did something really stupid, and then covered it up. She would inevitably end up being upturned and well spanked. 

I would think to myself How on earth could she do something so stupid? If that was me, I would immediately come clean to Dan or I wouldn't do such a thing in the first place. After all, I am a grown woman. Of a certain age. I simply wouldn't act that way.

As Cat would say "Good gravy woman!"

I even think that somewhere in the Bible, might be Proverbs, there is something about a man digging a pit, and then falling into the pit he dug. 

I can tell you. It applies to woman as well.

I am really finding this quite hard to write. I know it is going to take me more than one day to formulate a post about the pit I just fell into.

I was quite pleased with my last post. For the first time ever (EVER!!!) I got Dan to read it. He only made two comments. One was that he thought I wrote just the same way I speak, and the other was that he was a bit astounded that I put pictures of semi naked women on my posts. Apart from that, he was quite happy with it, but has declined my invitation to read all my posts. Still, a small milestone has been reached. (He even read everyone's comments!)

The other evening I was on the phone to a friend "across the pond" and we were talking about loads of different things. The subject of Outlander came up and she explained how I could "watch" the spanking scene as someone had posted the video.

I had heard various reactions to it on the blogs, and from my own daughter, but was anxious to watch it myself. As it happened, I was only able to watch it on a very small screen and without sound, so frankly I was not amused, as I needed to hear their discussion and also hear the reaction of the other men present.

I have read the scene several times in the book and haven't yet made up my mind about whether she should have been spanked or not. Sometimes I think she should, and then I become contrary and side entirely with her and would've bitten not only Jamie's wrist, but several other bits of him as well. 

However, I digress.

Something happened on Friday morning that has led to a spanking of epic proportions in my own household. 

Had I read about it on someone else's blog, I would have thought the woman incredibly stupid. So I don't mind one bit if you want to accuse me of stupidity. I accuse myself of stupidity!!! And before you start to worry - I didn't fall into a deep, fast-flowing stream, nearly drown, get hooked out by the baddie, and then nearly get raped by him. My fall from grace was entirely different, but one which perhaps one or two of you may be more familiar with.

On Friday morning I had a letter from my bank.

It contained my monthly bank statement. I often don't even bother to look at these pieces of paper any more. After all, I no longer have a salary going in, am not liable for taxation, and rarely spend a great deal on myself. (Note the 'rarely' here.)

However, something caught my eye. I looked again. All my worst fears were realised. I was overdrawn. Terribly, incredibly overdrawn. Mammothly!

I checked through my statement from top to bottom, and flinging pieces of paper in the air burrowed through the heap on my desk till I located the previous statement. Horrors!

I had been overdrawn last month too.

I remember screwing my eyes up against the sun and trying to see my bank balance in one of those stupid hole in the wall machines. Unfortunately for me, what I had thought to be a healthy bank balance, must have had a little minus sign in front of it. Certainly my previous bank balance, and now my latest bank balance showed those little minus signs all the way through.

I sat with my heart racing. This hasn't happened to me since I was about 30 and my sister in law took me on a very dangerous shopping trip. I remember only too well how incandescent with rage Dan became when I asked him to bail me out, and how we had an argument of epic proportions that raged on for nearly a week. 

I felt sick just thinking about it all. What on earth was I going to do? Dan would go ballistic.

I sat and had a good cry and then decided that I would need to think about the situation for a day or two. Little did I realise what a horrible night I would have. I just tossed and turned and wept silent guilty tears all night. By morning I was completely wrung out. I couldn't understand why I was feeling like this.

I badly wanted to sit and tell Dan all about it, behave in a reasonable fashion, ask him to bail me out, and give him a firm assurance that I would repay him as soon as I could. But I was scared of his reaction. Dan does not suffer fools gladly. 

Maybe you think Dan is an old skinflint. (I believe his daughter has called him this on occasion, but only when he has refused to indulge her unnecessarily.) Alas, Dan is the furthest from a skinflint you could want. He has been generous with me all our married life. I suppose, thinking about it, he has spoilt me rotten. Apart from a few things, my money has been my own to do with as I wished. I suppose I simply paid for the icing on the cake which enhanced both our lives and gave us extras like short holidays to interesting places etc. And now here was I, only eighteen months into retirement, and very much overdrawn on my personal account.

Due to not having slept, I was up at the crack of dawn. I crept downstairs leaving Dan snoring softly with a happy, content look on his face. I knew that wouldn't be there much longer. He was going to be so angry with me.

I arrived back upstairs and drew back the curtains on a beautiful sunny morning. The squirrels were pulling my bird feeder apart for the millionth time, the moorhens were fighting a duel on the lawn, and the swallows had arrived and were soaring overhead. Idyllic.

I had reached the stage where I felt disorientated and dizzy with anxiety. When we chatted as we drank our morning drinks, I was only half listening to what Dan was talking about. I felt so miserable. When I had finished my coffee I almost lay back down and curled up again.

But I knew in my heart what I had to do.

I got up and walked across to the drawer where we keep our things. Even then, I was too much of a coward to select anything other than the rose paddle. I brought it back and handed it to Dan.

"But I only spanked you the other day."

This is Dan all over. He just cannot come to terms with the fact that he is allowed to spank me around the clock if he wants to. He is so careful. I do love him for it, but when I read how many times some of you get spanked, there is a little envy in me.

I heaped up some pillows and lay over them but right next to Dan, so he had easy access. I still hadn't said anything to him. My throat seized up and I just couldn't. I think I told him I needed a little extra. I really can't remember. Luckily he didn't need too much urging, and started to spank with his hand.

"You do seem a bit tense" he remarked, spanking away. He was using both hands at the time. Maybe access was too easy! His hands are hard and capable, and these days he can go for ages without them feeling the burn. My bottom, however, does feel the burn.

Then I felt the paddle come down on my right cheek fairly hard. I burst into tears. 

Once those flood gates were opened, I couldn't stop. I just got louder and louder.

I will give Dan his due; he didn't waver a single bit. Bless him, he thought he was doing me good. 

"Let it all come out" he said. "Let it all come out." 

(Golly, I never thought he would ever say anything like that. Perhaps there is hope for us yet.)

The spanking got harder and harder. I tried not to kick. I deserved it so badly. Dan eased off and stroked my back for a bit. He was beginning to get a little nervous. He started up again and gave me about ten more, very hard, then stopped. He told me afterwards that he was getting an inkling that things weren't right.

I went into sobbing mode and couldn't have stopped if world war three broke out. Dan went from nervous to alarmed. His stroking became full scale rubbing and massaging. 

"You don't want more, surely? I've bruised you; I don't want to damage you."

I howled even louder.

"You don't know what I'm crying about" I managed to get out between trying not to choke to death.

So the whole miserable story came out, bit by horrid bit. Dan listened and didn't interrupt apart from to ask me "How much?" I could feel him gulp as I told him.

Now this is where perhaps you think he should have grabbed me over his knee and sallied forth once more with the paddle? This is where, surely, a wife should receive a barn burner? This is where she gets the lecture to end all lectures? Where she is told how disappointed her husband is in her?

Not a bit of it.

"I am so glad you didn't try to hide this from me; that you told me all about it," Dan said. "I'm not very pleased with you, but we can look at your bank statements together and I can help you sort it all out. You're just going to have to be extra careful for a couple of months and discuss any expenditure with me first. It's not the end of the world." I could hear pride and an HOHiness that I had not heard previously in his voice.

I think I howled even harder when he said all this.

Eventually I got up and washed my face, blew my nose and brushed my hair and sat back in bed. We discussed the situation a bit more, then I was well cuddled and loved. I went down and cooked a traditional full English breakfast.

It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, although I sat on a cushion and couldn't even bear to wear knickers till after midday.

But with this spanking came a very real understanding of the word Honesty. I now know why it is such an important part of Dd. Honesty is a key element in a strong and lasting marriage. Deception whittles away at the mortar and and can cause the foundations to crumble. 

I had thought Dan would be furious with me and although he wasn't exactly happy, he chose to keep calm and to discuss how, together, we can ensure this won't happen again. He understood I was giving him that paddle for a reason, but at the time he didn't know what that reason was. I wonder if that was why the spanks were so much harder than usual? Sort of in anticipation? It has been a salutary lesson to me. I shan't forget any of it in a hurry.

The way we do TTWD, works for us. When we started out, I had no idea whatsoever where it would lead us. All I can say, is that it keeps getting better and better.