Tuesday, 14 July 2015
"Love don't show up in the pavement cracks..."
Do you ever get earworms? Yes, earworms, NOT earwax.
Earworms are songs that you can't get out of your head. They keep going round and round until you are nearly driven to desperation.
I sometimes wonder whether our brains cause these songs to key in to our emotive issues. Or if it is just by accident that the words seem to fit with your mood at the time.
Dan and I have been away with a group of friends on a wonderful weekend. Far too much eating and drinking and silly activities with unruly almost hysterical laughter perhaps more appropriate to sixteen year olds rather than those of our certain age group. Or maybe not.
Before we set off early on the Saturday morning, Dan gave me an exceptionally hard spanking. It was intended to clear my mind, help me focus, remind me to be nice, assist me to behave appropriately and to assure me that the paddle would be waiting when we returned - should it be necessary to use it again.
We continue to suffer a surfeit of stress in the Starsong household, although I am happy to report that my MIL is very much better than she was due to painkillers that are so strong they go off the Richter Scale. We all found out towards the end of last week, after she had an MRI, that she has a small fracture of the spine. This is what has been causing all the pain and discomfort. She swears she hasn't had a fall, but the doctor tactfully pointed out to us that everything points to the fact that she has. Knowing my MIL the way I do, she would have kept quiet so as not to cause us undue worry, and now she won't admit to anything even if hot irons were held to her soles. Still, at least we know it is nothing sinister, and she has another appointment with her consultant so we will all know what, if anything, can be done about it.
The spanking did me a lot of good and our weekend was just brilliant. It was so hot on the Saturday that you could've shut your eyes and been in the tropics.
We hired two small electric boats and went for a long trip up the river where we found an old pub that you could only get to from the water. The men had real ale and we ladies had a very large jug of Pimms.
It most certainly cleared away any cobwebs that there may have been. Although it had been hard to climb up and out of the boats, it was dead easy to fall back down into them when we were ready to return down river to our hotel.
As good as Saturday had been, Sunday was an entirely different day. It had poured with rain most of the night and was still raining heavily when we awoke. We had a leisurely breakfast and kept glancing outside in the hopes that the rain would stop. We were cheered to see that by 10.30 the clouds had lessened and the rain had become a fine drizzle.
We had to check out of our rooms by 11.00, and I took our key and left Dan chatting as I wanted to brush my teeth and throw my few clothes back into my trolley case so we would be ready to leave. We had planned to go for a short 2 mile walk. It was actually nearer 5 miles but the friend who had planned it didn't like to reveal this to us until we were two thirds of the way around and just about on our knees.
I happily did all I needed to do and as Dan hadn't appeared, I made my way back downstairs, as we only had the one door key.
Dan wasn't there. I waited for a while, then went outside to our car to see if he was out there. No. He wasn't. I waited a while again, and then decided to return upstairs. No. He wasn't there either. So I sat down to wait.
I very loud knock soon came on the door. I opened it and a very angry Dan marched in. He was absolutely furious. He said I was late and everyone was waiting for us. He swore and yelled.
Usually I would have acquiesced. But I had done nothing wrong. So I let responded in similar terms. Let him have it in the neck. Swore like a trooper, gesticulated, and told him exactly what my opinion of him was.
You could have cut the silence that followed with a knife. This was an argument like before DD/TTWD. A short, sharp shouting match, where nobody won and both of us felt like crap afterwards. I left the room dragging my trolley case and would've slammed the door if it hadn't had one of those mechanisms on it that prevented that happening.
In the car on the way to our destination for the start of our walk we both stared straight ahead, neither one of us wanting to be the first to speak. It was just horrid.
Eventually a few miles down the road Dan cleared his throat and apologised to me. Mostly he was apologising for losing his temper. I apologised back.
It had been a storm in a teacup, albeit a largish one. And caused quite simply, by a ridiculous misunderstanding. I hadn't known that the hotel had two staircases, and Dan hadn't bothered to inform me that there were, and had used the one I knew nothing about.
We had literally passed each other a couple or three times going up and down the blessed things. And whilst I had been getting quite worried and distraught, Dan had felt that I was leading him a dance and messing him about, and as a consequence had become angry with me. We were both too sorry for words, and after our mutual apologies, not another word was said about it.
Dan went off and was away overnight on business, and I had plenty of time to do some thinking.
Just lately our dynamic has gone a bit off key. Instead of going forwards, we have gone backwards. We've let ourselves drift. And it's come as no surprise that we've fallen down the cracks.
Somewhere along the way he took off his HOH hat for a while, possibly to scratch his head over something I did; put it down, and forgot to put it back on. I responded to that in a negative way, became extra sassy, and allowed good old bitch/troll to climb out of her pit. The old Ami reappeared and the new Ami quite liked it. Peace and harmony were quickly thrown aside in pursuit of proving to Dan that she was fed up with being a quiet little mouse, and was reverting to fully rampant lioness standards. There was no way she was being yelled at for something she hadn't done.
It just shows how a small misunderstanding can escalate into a mammoth row where both sides come out losers.
Dan was too tired last night when he got home, but this morning the power exchange was readjusted.
Not a single word was said about our argument, but we both knew what I was being spanked about. It wasn't just for my good, it was for Dan's good as well. It was to reinforce the fact that peace and harmony doesn't just come from one person, it comes from both. It's not easy being an HOH and he can fall into a trap just as easily as the TIH.
It's one of the few spankings where I have actually cried out "No!" and begun to think it was more than I could take.
Dan did pause at that point, but he wasn't finished by any stretch of the imagination. I was well and truly roasted. The knickers didn't go on till well into the day! At one point I went outside the back door and fanned a certain part of my anatomy. Luckily there was no one around.
We've talked a huge amount, and not even got to the spanking bit yet. Perhaps there will be more, and perhaps there won't. At this point we are both glad to be back in a happy place.
We are fortunate. We have always been able to apologise, kiss, make up and move on. It's one of the main components that has kept our marriage as watertight as it is.
There was a lot more to this blip than we both at first realised. It simply precipitated some of the communication that followed.
I was reading some psychology yesterday, and apparently if an alpha man is married to a beta woman, and if a beta man is married to a beta woman, there aren't many problems. If a beta man is married to an alpha woman he will be a hen-pecked husband.
And if an alpha man is married to an alpha women, there will be fireworks!
All I know is, that in certain circumstances, it is nigh impossible to remain submissive.
So I'm leaving you with something to think about.
Can a woman be too submissive?
"Two alphas may not know how to resolve things or compromise, but you should never struggle silently. It's hard for an alpha to admit vulnerability, but to do so is key. Own to your feelings. Remember, the qualities you have as an alpha are what drew your partner to you in the first place. He appreciates women as strong and powerful as he is.
Alpha males enjoy to be challenged; and being challenged by an alpha female may mean that he has to learn that he is not always the best at everything. It can be a valuable lesson in humility for him."
My own thoughts are that a woman can only be too submissive if she never has the nerve to turn around and snap back occasionally. Even if a sore, red bottom does come with the territory.
(If you are interested in the song I took the title from, it's called Pavement Cracks by Annie Lennox.)