Tuesday 14 July 2015

Pavement Cracks


"Love don't show up in the pavement cracks..."

Do you ever get earworms? Yes, earworms, NOT earwax. 

Earworms are songs that you can't get out of your head. They keep going round and round until you are nearly driven to desperation. 

I sometimes wonder whether our brains cause these songs to key in to our emotive issues. Or if it is just by accident that the words seem to fit with your mood at the time.

Dan and I have been away with a group of friends on a wonderful weekend. Far too much eating and drinking and silly activities with unruly almost hysterical laughter perhaps more appropriate to sixteen year olds rather than those of our certain age group. Or maybe not.

Before we set off early on the Saturday morning, Dan gave me an exceptionally hard spanking. It was intended to clear my mind, help me focus, remind me to be nice, assist me to behave appropriately and to assure me that the paddle would be waiting when we returned - should it be necessary to use it again.

We continue to suffer a surfeit of stress in the Starsong household, although I am happy to report that my MIL is very much better than she was due to painkillers that are so strong they go off the Richter Scale. We all found out towards the end of last week, after she had an MRI, that she has a small fracture of the spine. This is what has been causing all the pain and discomfort. She swears she hasn't had a fall, but the doctor tactfully pointed out to us that everything points to the fact that she has. Knowing my MIL the way I do, she would have kept quiet so as not to cause us undue worry, and now she won't admit to anything even if hot irons were held to her soles. Still, at least we know it is nothing sinister, and she has another appointment with her consultant so we will all know what, if anything, can be done about it.

The spanking did me a lot of good and our weekend was just brilliant. It was so hot on the Saturday that you could've shut your eyes and been in the tropics.


We hired two small electric boats and went for a long trip up the river where we found an old pub that you could only get to from the water. The men had real ale and we ladies had a very large jug of Pimms. 


It most certainly cleared away any cobwebs that there may have been. Although it had been hard to climb up and out of the boats, it was dead easy to fall back down into them when we were ready to return down river to our hotel.

As good as Saturday had been, Sunday was an entirely different day. It had poured with rain most of the night and was still raining heavily when we awoke. We had a leisurely breakfast and kept glancing outside in the hopes that the rain would stop. We were cheered to see that by 10.30 the clouds had lessened and the rain had become a fine drizzle. 

We had to check out of our rooms by 11.00, and I took our key and left Dan chatting as I wanted to brush my teeth and throw my few clothes back into my trolley case so we would be ready to leave. We had planned to go for a short 2 mile walk. It was actually nearer 5 miles but the friend who had planned it didn't like to reveal this to us until we were two thirds of the way around and just about on our knees.

I happily did all I needed to do and as Dan hadn't appeared, I made my way back downstairs, as we only had the one door key.

Dan wasn't there. I waited for a while, then went outside to our car to see if he was out there. No. He wasn't. I waited a while again, and then decided to return upstairs. No. He wasn't there either. So I sat down to wait. 

I very loud knock soon came on the door. I opened it and a very angry Dan marched in. He was absolutely furious. He said I was late and everyone was waiting for us. He swore and yelled.


Usually I would have acquiesced. But I had done nothing wrong. So I let responded in similar terms. Let him have it in the neck. Swore like a trooper, gesticulated, and told him exactly what my opinion of him was.

You could have cut the silence that followed with a knife. This was an argument like before DD/TTWD. A short, sharp shouting match, where nobody won and both of us felt like crap afterwards. I left the room dragging my trolley case and would've slammed the door if it hadn't had one of those mechanisms on it that prevented that happening.

In the car on the way to our destination for the start of our walk we both stared straight ahead, neither one of us wanting to be the first to speak. It was just horrid. 

Eventually a few miles down the road Dan cleared his throat and apologised to me. Mostly he was apologising for losing his temper. I apologised back. 

It had been a storm in a teacup, albeit a largish one. And caused quite simply, by a ridiculous misunderstanding. I hadn't known that the hotel had two staircases, and Dan hadn't bothered to inform me that there were, and had used the one I knew nothing about.

We had literally passed each other a couple or three times going up and down the blessed things. And whilst I had been getting quite worried and distraught, Dan had felt that I was leading him a dance and messing him about, and as a consequence had become angry with me. We were both too sorry for words, and after our mutual apologies, not another word was said about it.


Dan went off and was away overnight on business, and I had plenty of time to do some thinking. 

Just lately our dynamic has gone a bit off key. Instead of going forwards, we have gone backwards. We've let ourselves drift. And it's come as no surprise that we've fallen down the cracks.

Somewhere along the way he took off his HOH hat for a while, possibly to scratch his head over something I did; put it down, and forgot to put it back on. I responded to that in a negative way, became extra sassy, and allowed good old bitch/troll to climb out of her pit. The old Ami reappeared and the new Ami quite liked it. Peace and harmony were quickly thrown aside in pursuit of proving to Dan that she was fed up with being a quiet little mouse, and was reverting to fully rampant lioness standards. There was no way she was being yelled at for something she hadn't done.

It just shows how a small misunderstanding can escalate into a mammoth row where both sides come out losers.

Dan was too tired last night when he got home, but this morning the power exchange was readjusted.


Not a single word was said about our argument, but we both knew what I was being spanked about. It wasn't just for my good, it was for Dan's good as well. It was to reinforce the fact that peace and harmony doesn't just come from one person, it comes from both. It's not easy being an HOH and he can fall into a trap just as easily as the TIH. 

It's one of the few spankings where I have actually cried out "No!" and begun to think it was more than I could take. 


Dan did pause at that point, but he wasn't finished by any stretch of the imagination. I was well and truly roasted. The knickers didn't go on till well into the day! At one point I went outside the back door and fanned a certain part of my anatomy. Luckily there was no one around. 

We've talked a huge amount, and not even got to the spanking bit yet. Perhaps there will be more, and perhaps there won't. At this point we are both glad to be back in a happy place.


We are fortunate. We have always been able to apologise, kiss, make up and move on. It's one of the main components that has kept our marriage as watertight as it is. 

There was a lot more to this blip than we both at first realised. It simply precipitated some of the communication that followed. 

I was reading some psychology yesterday, and apparently if an alpha man is married to a beta woman, and if a beta man is married to a beta woman, there aren't many problems. If a beta man is married to an alpha woman he will be a hen-pecked husband. 

And if an alpha man is married to an alpha women, there will be fireworks!


All I know is, that in certain circumstances, it is nigh impossible to remain submissive. 

So I'm leaving you with something to think about.


Can a woman be too submissive?

  
"Two alphas may not know how to resolve things or compromise, but you should never struggle silently. It's hard for an alpha to admit vulnerability, but to do so is key. Own to your feelings. Remember, the qualities you have as an alpha are what drew your partner to you in the first place. He appreciates women as strong and powerful as he is. 


Alpha males enjoy to be challenged; and being challenged by an alpha female may mean that he has to learn that he is not always the best at everything. It can be a valuable lesson in humility for him."

My own thoughts are that a woman can only be too submissive if she never has the nerve to turn around and snap back occasionally. Even if a sore, red bottom does come with the territory.

(If you are interested in the song I took the title from, it's called Pavement Cracks by Annie Lennox.) 


29 comments:

  1. Ami,
    Jack and I have so been there, right there! Yes, the argument is over, but the power exchange needs to occur to get us back on track. I submit because I said I would. He spanks because he said he would. The peace and harmony is restored and your bottom is on fire.
    Meredith

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    1. Still laughing, Meredith! The saying "peas in a pod" springs to mind.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  2. Hi Ami

    I can certainly relate to the passage you had about the song in the head.
    I have (can't remember the name) "Ride captain ride on your mystery ship" there a lot. I also just saw an old John Wayne movie (El Dorado) and now I can't get the theme music out of my head.

    Anyway, sorry to hear that some of your excursion truned ugly. But you have to tell me what couple does NOT have these kind of things happen every now and then. Life is too complicated.
    Be that as it may, it sounds like a really neat place you went to. I visited the UK almost 20 years ago and really enjoyed it. Could not stay too long though.

    Have a good remainder of the week


    Ray

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    1. Hi Ray,

      Funny things these 'worms'.

      Thankfully we don't have many episodes like this any more, but we are human just like everyone else. It is over and done with now. Which is the good thing about spanking.

      So you visited the UK? Lots has changed in 20 years. Not sure whether for the good or not. But one thing we do have is lots of history. It's the weather we have to put up with. LOL.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  3. Oh Ami! I love how you describe perfectly real life! I felt like I was with you! I always tell my kids, that every couple argues and fights. However it is the way you resolve the differences that makes a strong marriage! Plus it is the wanting to make things right... Even when mad!
    The return of the dynamic! Perfect... Although it sounds painful! Lol
    I am showing my Scotsman all of this! Especially the alpha male and alpha female explanations in relationships! However I wonder if we can all have a bit of each in us as the situation or our passion demands!

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    1. Our lives are very 'real' believe me! Golly that man has learned how to spank! Once he gets that arm of his going he will not be deterred!

      I hope your Scotsman won't pick up too many ideas as my butt really got roasted. LOL

      Hugs
      Ami

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  4. Master will sometimes tell me i cannot be too submissive, of course, this is after the resurrection of my alpha persona. Glad to read that all was resolved....most of your get away sounds wonderful.
    hugs abby

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    1. Oh Abby, the getaway was lovely. But I think this little argument had been brewing and the situation just tipped us over the edge. All is well now again, and peace reigns once more. We are never mad at each other for very long, especially not these days!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  5. Hey Ami...so happy you have figured out what was wrong with your MIL and that she is on the road to recovery. Oh how easy it is for misunderstandings to get blown out of proportion...been there, done that. Happy you two were able to get everything resolved so quickly.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Hi Cat,

      Yes, it does go to show how quickly a small thing can tip the balance.

      We are completely fine again now. We don't have many hiccups, luckily. But when we do they are big ones, and now Dan has spanking as his main ammunition and way of dealing with the situation.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  6. Hi Ami, poor mil. My mum fractured her spine like this too. She didn't fall she simply bent over to pick something up!! I hope she feels better soon. Life is full of misunderstandings, glad you got yours sorted in the end!
    love Jan,xx

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    1. We found out she has 2 fractures! Her high meds mean she cannot drive which is now proving a problem. She is, however, feeling very much better and very much more cheerful.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  7. Hi, Ami. This is a prime example of how ttwd works, glad you're back on track.

    I'm short of time today so can't respond to the 'submission' question; there have been a few posts on the subject recently from different angles.

    Before I rush off (my day for looking after my elderly mother) I want to say thanks for repeating the link to your Sarah Coltman blog - I had been making a typo in my search. I went there for SatSpanks to tell you I had enjoyed reading the book but the 'Anonymous' feature is not available there. I must get round to creating a proper Internet ID.

    Rosie xx

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    1. Hi Rosie!

      You must must must start a blog. I wish you would email me so we can chat via email. I love to hear from people.

      I am so glad you enjoyed my book. I was a little worried it would sound rather harsh, but after all it is a story. I like people to make up their own minds which bits are fantasy and which are not.

      If you set up a blog, create a completely different email address first. Then everything will remain disassociated from the real you.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  8. Your story felt familiar. I think that I get upset even more if Ty doesn't stop me from just laying into him. But he always says that he can't control a rattlesnake... The spanking at the end was for both of you and it was an important one. I would say that we are two alphas and that is why this relationship works for us, him being the HoH. I don't have to be a doormat but I do have to be respectful and let him take the lead. Love your post today (well all the time actually) but this post hit home

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    1. I love that "...he can't control a rattlesnake..." Dan would call me one of those if he could! He has a good few names for me, I can tell you!

      You are so right about this being the "ideal" for a relationship that contains two alphas. Only just every now and again our pattern goes awry and then there is a reckoning. We are not out of the woods yet, but I think we will weather the storm. We always do. But right now we are still shaking our antlers at each other.

      Blondie - I feel exactly the same about your posts. Especially the ones when you explain stuff. I just love those. They are very encouraging.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  9. Wow Ami. I truly can relate to this post. I almost knew what I was going to read next even before I got there. I think being the HOH surely must be a difficult position to be in. I am guessing he recognizes his mistakes in this event but is simply putting you both on track once again. Fair? Not necessarily, but it is his role to set things right even if painful for you. I am sure it will have been worth it in the end.

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    1. Annabelle, I am giggling. I think that being an HOH 24/7 must be very difficult and tiring especially when you have someone like me to take in hand! LOL! Dan always ends up spanking my tush, but I wouldn't have it any other way. However, I am very glad I have a husband who recognises when he is wrong. I couldn't stand being married to a smart alec like some of the vanilla husbands we know. It takes a great deal more to be a real HOH than smart talk.

      Thank you for commenting. I looked to see if you had a blog, but couldn't find one. Do you? I am nervous of Google Plus as I had a absolute deluge of very strange emails when I was on it, so I don't go anywhere near it any more. But I love it when you comment, so thank you.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  10. Ami,
    Listened to the song "Pavement Cracks" before I started to write a comment. Cool song. Glad to hear the news about the MIL. It is serious at her age, but she can find her way back with patience. Sam heartily endorses "Weekend Adjustment" spankings. He says they start off the weekend on the right foot.

    At first your weekend tale was just a pleasant travel log that turned into a comedy of errors. AND THEN...

    I did love this post, Ami! Not that you got spanked (Ouch and Holy Cow!) but how you discussed the relationship dynamic. Maintaining the equilibrium doesn't mean we can sit there and do nothing. With ttwd, if the HOH forgets to be dominant and the TIH forgets to be submissive, the relationship comes tumbling down. Glad to know you and Dan are rebuilding.

    Hugs from Ella

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    1. Glad you liked the song.

      Have to tell you that I didn't get my weekend adjustment this weekend, and am now very bolshy. I sense an adjustment in my very near future! LOL!

      It most certainly seemed like a comedy of errors at the time. But I didn't enjoy arguing at all.

      I don't actually 'think' about how to act or what to say. I try to keep 'normal'. Otherwise it all becomes artificial. I used to do that in the beginning and found that I was in fact 'controlling' everything. Mind you, sometimes I think that it could be easier on my rear end to do that. LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  11. Ami,

    Sorry to hear your MIL has a fracture. hope something can be done for her and she soon feels better.

    "It wasn't just for my good, it was for Dan's good as well" Exactly. Not just for your benefit but for his as well. Happy is was sorted out.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Now found out she has 'multiple small fractures' so your guess is as good as mine. So long as she can control the pain I think she is okay about it, but she hates not to be able to drive. It stops a lot of her independence.

      Ronnie, Dan ALWAYS feels better after he has splatted me! Wonder why? LOLK!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  12. Hi Amy,
    I always love hearing how you are doing. I am glad your MIL is recovering well. I am sorry there were some misunderstandings between you and Dan but glad that you were able to rise above and beyond and kiss and make-up. :-) Big hugs to you!

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    1. Thanks, Terps. I suppose this is what happens in a real marriage. But we have always been able to kiss and make up, thank goodness. I can't ever remember us going to bed without doing so. It would be horrid. But these days I get a spanking as well. So it's win/win for Dan. LOL.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  13. Hi Ami, glad you have figured out what is wrong with your MIL, Sending positive thoughts and hope she is feeling better soon.

    I'm sorry you and Dan had the misunderstanding, The trip sounded wonderful otherwise. It's amazing how small arguments can escalate and old habits do resurface from time to time. What matters is how we handle these moments as a couple.

    Good on both of you for apologising and talking things through. The spanking sounded ouch, had to giggle at going outside and fanning a part of your anatomy, but it was necessary for both of you to restore the balance.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Golly I hate how things can escalate. I think, had it been at home, they wouldn't have escalated at all. But then, we wouldn't have been going up and down different staircases! LOL!

      As far as fanning a part of my anatomy is concerned - good grief that man can spank when he puts his mind to it. I wonder if it is because he doesn't spank so often as some, so he makes up for it when he does! LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  14. I like your theory on alpha males and females. Must think of it some more. LOL. Love to read your posts.

    Han

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  15. I should be very glad to hear your take on the theory, Han. I always enjoy reading up on the psychology of the dominant male when paired with an equally dominant female. The suggestion is that 'like seeks like' which leads to perpetration of the strongest alphas.

    Lovely to hear from you.

    Hugs
    Ami

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  16. I should be very glad to hear your take on the theory, Han. I always enjoy reading up on the psychology of the dominant male when paired with an equally dominant female. The suggestion is that 'like seeks like' which leads to perpetration of the strongest alphas.

    Lovely to hear from you.

    Hugs
    Ami

    ReplyDelete