Monday, 9 September 2013

I am the Neck!

I realise I have been away for a while.  When it comes down to it, you can only take so much stress, then you begin to shut down.  To discover we have to wait until November, and still no actual date, for Dan to have more biopsies, stopped us in our tracks.  No valid excuse from the hospital, except they misplaced his file for a time!

We are also demented through prospective buyers viewing our barn.  When you've only moved once in thirty six years, and that was thirty one years ago, it gives you instant ulcers just to think about it!  Yet this is what we have been working for over the last ten years, as we first had plans drawn up, brought in a construction team, and then converted the barn into a home.  We have enjoyed living in it, but are drawn back to the farmhouse by happy memories and giant magnets.

Our much awaited new grandson has yet to make his appearance.  As his father is very tall, and his mother tiny, we were very anxious when we heard that he was back to front.  But hopefully the midwives have managed to turn him in the right direction, and we won't have the frightening blue-light experience we had the last time.  Certainly our daughter seems serene enough, even though she has long reached the waddling stage and needs to run to the loo every five minutes.  Her husband, who is even calmer, remarked quite happily that it can't be much different to birthing a sow!  We are just glad there will be one baby and not fifteen! She is used to getting bland remarks like this; it is the penalty of having married a farmer.  And they have already given the baby his name, but I am too superstitious to mention it before his birth.

My shoulder has also now reached the 'continually painful' stage.  It makes things very difficult as it is my right shoulder, and I am right-handed.  When we return from holiday I will be having it fixed involving what is called hydrodilatation.  Enough said.

TTWD has been a roller-coaster ride.  Sometimes I stop our particular car when it is at its highest point and take a look around the fairground.

It's easy to see the "rides" that have been around a long time.  They have a comfortable, worn-in look about them.  They are not boring.  They still have their little wobbles on the corners from time to time, and occasionally their gearing needs oiling due to a bit of friction here and there.  But on the whole, they are reliable, providing fun, safety and a consistent outcome for the participants.

Then there are the rides that have a whole list of rules printed up front, like the charts at Disney that say you have to be a certain height and a certain age before you are allowed on.  Maybe they work for some, but they are so stream-lined that there are no surprises. New rules are constantly being added, and unless you put you seat belt on and sit perfectly still whilst the ride is in motion, you will rue the consequences. Whilst some participants claim they can understand the purpose of having rides like these, they are not for us.  Too many seem to actively dislike them, and are always grumbling about how scary the rides become when the rules are disobeyed.

A whole lot of rides are new to the fairground.  Many of them seem to be in place in order to be tried out on the willing, or the not so willing. They have a tendency to get problems with gears, which lead to bumpy, inconsistent rides.  It can be observed that these rides often have a great many shiny gismos which can be employed to provide variety; but many of the older rides seem to do well, and keep functioning smoothly with a simple hands-on approach.

Finally there are the exciting and colourful rides that generally have little extras attached to them.  They are generally quite long, usually thrilling, go off in many unusual directions, are fun on the whole, but can have a serious side to them, and leave the participant,s for the main, breathless but satisfied. There are so many of these rides that it is good to try out several before returning to the ones you like the best.

We've not been doing too well.  Struggling if you like. It's a shame, because although we were slow, we were at least mostly moving forwards.  But gradually we ground to a halt.  It wasn't just the communication that was non-existent.  I think I've finally learned what "distancing" means.  Until it happens to you, you really have no idea how destructive it can become.

I have been trying my best to bottle up my stress, to hang on to my temper and to smile and nod like a little clockwork toy because I have been terrified of letting my attitude get the better of me.  Trying to keep it pegged down, and held in.  Going into automaton mode.  Not because I wanted to but because I had to.

Control is a funny thing.  Dan and I have shared control for so many years that from my point of view, it is a hard thing to concede that Dan is quite capable of doing the leading.  But as for needing my help. Well, of course he needs it.  I may have slipped down to 48 or even 47 per cent, but if I refuse him my opinion, refuse him the benefit of my knowledge about something, refuse to be there at his shoulder, he folds up like a pack of cards, turns back, and the ship wallows as if it has lost its propeller.

However, he did inform me that the First Mate is an extremely important member of a ship's crew, and probably contributes as much to the running of the ship, if not more, than the Captain.

He's a very perceptive man is my Starman.  Out of pure cussedness I try to play mind games with him. Strangely, he knows me so well, he always wins. And Dan being Dan, he always says "I told you so!"

So I was watching an old film lately.  My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  Remember it?  Well in that film the Greek Orthodox girl finally meets the man of her dreams, and he is neither Orthodox nor Greek.  A dilemma, because Greek daddies tend to be the Heads of their Households.

So our heroine is sitting talking with her mother and father and trying to get her father to permit her to date this guy, and Father is being pretty adamant about her not doing so.  Father and Daughter are at loggerheads and fast reaching an impasse.

"I am the Head of the Household and you will do as you are told and marry a good Greek boy" says Father. Naturally Daughter is distraught.  Father strides off in a temper leaving Mother and Daughter sitting at the table.

Mother pats Daughter's hand.  "Don't you worry" she says to Daughter. "You leave your Father to me."

"But Mother, he says he is the Head of the Household" sobs Daughter broken-heartedly.

"Look here" says Mother looking into Daughter's eyes.

"He may be the Head of the Household.  That is true.

But,"she says looking knowingly at her daughter, "I am the Neck!"

This last few weeks I felt I wasn't even the neck.  I have had more meltdowns than some people have hot dinners.  Very violent, noisy, dramatic, tearful meltdowns.  On the whole Dan has fielded each one like an errant cricket ball.  But the real problem here is that I always seem to have to tell him what I need and suggest that he may like to deal with the situation in time-honoured fashion.  Despite it having been nine months since we began this thing, he still seems to need prompting.

So exactly nine days ago after a spanking that he stopped too soon, before I had reach the softening, going limp stage, simply because I was howling and shouting "Enough!" at the top of my lungs, I decided that I was too controlling and would never in future deliver any prompts to him.

Things got more and more on top of me.  So in time-honoured fashion the downward spiral increased its speed and I could see Bitch/Troll smirking at me from the bottom of the pit where I had booted her after her last little reign of terror.  She was using a metal rasp nail file to sharpen her talons, and the gleam in her eyes told me that I had very little time to get this mess turned around as she would be clawing her way up the sides of her abyss in a relatively short time.  I so needed my Starman to become the biggest Billygoat Gruff and butt her back down to where she belonged!

I thought about it for ages.  I have several long, convoluted discussions and emails with nearly every bloggy friend I could think of who had suffered similar debacles, (Especially one of them!  Ha!) and I was at a loss.

Then, despite not wanting to go anywhere near Blogland as it was making me both jealous and homesick, I ventured to read our dear Susie's latest words of wisdom.  Wow!  They could have been written not only about us, but for us!  (I re-read it several times Susie!)

So I knew what I had to do.  I had to take the Bull by the Horns!

Now, bare with me whilst I back-track just a little.

When Ami does distancing she does distancing with great verve and aplomb! She distances to the very best of her ability.  She takes no prisoners.  In fact, from never having distanced particularly knowingly in her life before, she would just about be ready for a Diploma in it!

Dan had a very hard week.  He worked away for four days, leaving the middle day like the filling in a sandwich.  That day was the one where the temperatures shot up to 31 degrees C with the highest humidity levels anyone round here can remember in their lifetimes.  We were all like little grease-spots.  (And that was the day I decided to take Daughter and Grandson for an end of the summer picnic to a nearby beauty spot! And believe me, you don't want to know just how many wasps came with us just in order to swell the resident wasp population for the day!)

All that week I was having not only meltdowns due to the heat, but also meltdowns due to no action on behalf of Dan.  And I was absolutely determine not to try to take his control away, whilst doing a Willie and stuffing my feelings as far down inside they were practically leaking out of my toes!

Then -

Around 7.30 the Wednesday morning, as I was (as had become my norm) back to Dan, nearly over-balancing to get away from him and falling out of bed, and trying to be asleep at the same time, a hand started stroking my left hip.  It stroked and stroked.  I was having none of it.  I swatted it furiously away and informed him in no uncertain terms that I wasn't in the mood.  All he did was turn back over on his back and laugh softly.  RED RAG TO A BULL!

"You don't fool me Ami" he sniggered.  SNIGGERED!

I reached for the clock and studied the dial rubbing sleep from my eyes.

"Oh hell, I've got to get up.  I have a picnic to pack and I promised to pick them up by 10!  What do you want for breakfast?!"

I galloped around looking for my robe and did one of the best Charlie Chaplin turns you've ever seen as I leapt down the dog-leg staircase and into the kitchen.

Around 6.30 on the Thursday morning the same hand was back.  This time it stroked my hip a few times and then the bed shifted as Dan got up and went off to shower.  I drifted back to sleep.  The rattle of a coffee mug being placed next to me woke me up and Dan bent over me and "buzzed" me in my ear.

"Gotta go.  See you later.  You're still not fooling me you know.  Not one little bit."  He walked off chuckling to himself!  CHUCKLING!

Exactly the same scenario was repeated on the Friday morning.

"Bloody hell it's getting like Groundhog Day around here!" I muttered at him.

"You are so funny" he retorted.

I opened my eyes a crack, just in time to see him saunter out of the room.  SAUNTER!

This is where I humbly apologise to all my friends who had to suffer long convoluted emails of distress from me for each and every one of those days!  Grovel, grovel!

Around 7.30 Saturday morning the hand was stroking not only my left hip, but also my left butt cheek.

"Are you awake?"

"I am now."

"Make me a cup of tea."

(Intermission whilst my totally non-submissive self had a quick bare-knuckle fight with the part of me who has always tried her best to please her man over all these years.)

I groaned, heaved myself up and putting my robe on staggered slowly down the stairs this time, still trying to be asleep.  (Have you noticed?  Women are particularly good at this.  Especially in the middle of the night when they need to pee.  They never open their eyes hardly once!  And they never get pee on the seat either!)

When I arrived back in the bedroom with his tea, and a coffee for me, he still lay, eyes closed, looking distinctly corpse-like.

I sat and sipped my coffee.

Then I felt his hand on my left thigh.



"Do you think you could please me a little?"


I turned to look at him.  He still had his eyes shut and he was grinning from ear to ear.

"You're a wonderful wife, Ami."


"Come on Ami...."



My coffee nearly shot up in the air and I started to choke.

"Ami?         !!!!???"

This is where there is a longer, Dan-enforced intermission.  Actually I felt better with a mug of coffee inside me, and as he tucked me under his right armpit, as is his wont, afterwards, we talked.

And this is where Susie's blog post comes into it.  I stole a good half of it, that I had more or less memorised, and tried to explain to him how we had been at this for nine months and he still didn't seem to want to take the initiative. It was a difficult conversation, necessarily quite one-sided.  I did my very best to convey how needy I felt, how ignored and taken for granted, how everyone and everything else seemed to take precedence.  But I also tried to convey that I didn't want to fight him for control, or dictate when or how he should do things.  I simply wanted him to notice and act!  He had my consent. So how difficult could that be?!

"But, Ami, I haven't noticed anything untoward this week.  In fact, I think you've done well under so much pressure.  And anyway, I've been away four out of five days haven't I?  It doesn't usually happen these days does it?"

He looked at his watch.  He always wears the blessed thing in bed!  Why for goodness sake!  It's huge and it's scratchy!

"Crap!  I've got to get up, I've got a couple of electricians coming!"

This time he galloped off out and across the landing.

I clenched my teeth and sighed!  And then slowly followed.

It was a lovely sunny day yet again, although rain had been forecast.  We certainly never got it.  I carried on doing all the things I do on a Saturday.  We were due to be out for dinner with friends in the evening, and I had been asked to take a pudding.  (For the more curious amongst you, I took one of our favourites "Grandma Poppet's Lemon Meringue Pie".)

Son and Son's girlfriend decided to go out for the day. They went off shopping into town and then went off to the coast to have cod and chips in a little old fisherman's cafe surrounded by fishing boats and artists' studios, that we all frequent whenever we can.

The electricians had finished by midday.  The day stayed gloriously sunny.  I finished not only my pudding to take with us that evening, but also one for Sunday when we had ten family members for lunch.

And suddenly there it was.  My Eureka moment.

1  It was peaceful and quiet.

2  We were completely on our own.

3  We were not expecting anyone.

4  We had finished all necessary chores for the day.

I girded my loins.

I peered around Dan's office door into the gloomy depths. Dan was playing on his computer.  He had music going and was researching houses on the Isle of Wight!!!  (Why the flipping Isle of Wight?!!!)

I frowned.

Then I glared.

I caught Dan's attention and he looked up.

I lifted my eyebrows as high as I possibly could.

"I am now going into the house," I informed him haughtily, "and I am going to sulk!"

I turned and sticking my nose and my chin into the air I made for the kitchen.

It wasn't long till Dan followed me.

He was laughing to loud I could have gladly throttled him!

"And what's this about?" he asked.  "As if I couldn't already guess."

"Well you are always saying there is no time.  Or we are not alone.  Or someone might hear.  Well I think you've run clean out of excuses, Buster!"

He was laughing like a drain.

"But Ami, it isn't Spanky Doodle Day you know."

My breath caught in my throat and I did a double flip. "I beg your pardon."

"Yeah.  Spanky Doodle Dandy."  He roared with laughter.

For a minute, only a very skinny minute, I thought, dear bloggers, that he had been reading some blog posts. I very nearly told him about Ana's Spanky Doodle Day, but then I thought it would burst his little bubble.

"Look, Dan.  I don't want to be controlling.  But it's been two weeks now.  And you just don't seem to want to bother unless I remind you.  Just once it would be nice if you would take me unawares and not wait for me to prompt."

"It's been nine days, not two weeks, Ami.  And are you suggesting I could have done something by remote control?"

"Well do you hate my bottom or something?"

"I love your bottom.  I'm sure it's firmer now than it used to be."

"So are you saying it used to be floppy?"

"Er, no.  But it isn't as firm as it was when you used to ride every day."

I glared at him.  He grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

"Oh come on then. Get upstairs and take your knickers off!"

(Aside - Now that is what I would like to hear on a regular basis!!!)

He followed me up the stairs in his big brown work boots.

"You needn't think I am taking them off because I'm not.  I can still spank you whilst wearing my work boots!"

I was still glaring, but I removed my jeans but left my knickers at half mast. And then stood mystified as Dan sorted through my underwear drawer.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for the paddle."

An explosion of delicate lingerie floated upwards, and then down on to the floor.  A pale lilac bra wrapped its way around his left work boot.  And he tried to kick it off whilst still searching for the paddle.

In the end I couldn't stand it any more.  My drawer was a wreck.  I elbowed him aside, reached in and handed him the paddle.

He looked at his watch.

"Hurry up, they're doing the lap timings for the Grand Prix grid.  Get over the footboard."

"Look, Dan.  Do you think we could do it a bit different this time?  If you sit in the chair, I could try going over you knee.  Properly.  Just this once?"

He oomphed and sat down.  The chair is pretty low, and like all armchairs, well, it has arms!  I saw the problem immediately.  Especially as he had relaxed back into it.

"No, no.  You'll have to sit forwards, and upright.  The arms are in the way."

He shuffled forward.  It still looked difficult, and I hadn't realised how low the chair was.

I waddled over to him feeling pinioned by my own knickers. Just getting down and over his knees was like scaling the north face of the Eiger.

I was too tall.  My feet tried to fold on the floor one side, and my head hit the floor the other side.  I wriggled and wriggled, trying to get comfortable.

"Oh bugger, my knee's gone.  Oh ow!  You're killing me woman!  My knees are going dead now!"

He moaned so much I burst out laughing, and then he laughed too.

"You weigh too much.  My knees can't stand it.  I've got a completely dead leg."

"This is hopeless isn't it.  How do people manage?  Just hang on and I'll go and get the quilt, I can't lean over that wooden footboard without some padding."

I went to the spare room and retrieved the eiderdown quilt.  Then I put a pillow on the bed to muffle my yelps - and to chew!

Eventually I was in position.

Dan started rubbing my cheeks and giving me a few half hearted swats with his hand.  He has discovered that if he starts off slowly with lots of rubbing in between, that he can "warm up his hand" as well as my butt.

"You can talk to me you know".  (Sorry, I know I was prompting again.  But what's a girl to do?)

"What do you want me to say?"

The swats were getting firmer and more snappy at this point.

"You could tell me how you are feeling.  You could say anything if you like.  I'm in the best position to listen, aren't I?"

"But, Ami, I'm the strong silent type."

"Humph!  Ow!"

The swats were very hard now and he had slipped in a boing with the paddle!  And then another!

"Sheesh, Mr Starsong, your hand feels like a paddle itself!"

Another couple of paddle swats - Ow!  Ow!  (He swings that blessed thing so high and it really, really hurts!)

He moved around to the other side and used his left hand.  My Starman hates to think he is not being equally "swatty" to both cheeks these days.

He has been so busy with the garden and doing all sorts of manual jobs that his hands have toughened up terrifically.  I hadn't realised.

I began my usual crawl forwards.  He changed sides again and his left hand rested firmly on my lower back.

"No you don't."

I tried hard not to kick out, but that simply led to a staccato beat on our oak floorboards.

"That's really burning, Dan!"

"Hmmm.  It's a lovely shade of red, Ami."  Swat, swat, swat.

"Oh ow!!!"

He gave me a quick rub.  I had muffled my face in the pillow.  My eyes were watering and my mascara was running.

"How on earth (swat, swat, swat) we are going to (swat, swat, swat) do this on board a ship (swat, swat, swat) I really don't know."

Blessed release came, and I was able to cry.

He stopped and rubbed once more.

"And don't even think of taking that stupid flogger you bought.  Feathers would be more effective!"

The burn was a raging furnace.  I went limp and sobbed out my stress like opening floodgates.  It hurt like hell but it felt so good.  (I can't explain that any other way.)

He stopped immediately.

"That's enough, love" he said.

He helped me up and I nuzzled into his chest and he hugged me.  I cried loudly, and he imitated my howls.

He was so funny I burst into a hiccuping laugh myself.

"Feel better?  You should see your bottom.  Come and look."

He dragged me in front of our full length mirror and backed me up to it, worriedly.

I gazed at my scarlet cheeks.  But he now understands the paddle and is more careful about the hard edges where the stitching is.  Not a single bruise! Yay!

It felt extremely hot.

I adjusted my knickers, put my jeans back on and followed him downstairs.

I took hold of his hand.

"Feel this."  I held the back of his hand against my bottom.

"I think I can do a better job when you lean over the footboard," was his comment.

He may be right, but I do like going over his lap when he sits up in bed.  It feels more intimate.

But going over the footboard does tend to focus me more.  There are no (ahem!) distractions.

And we had a lovely evening out with our friends.  I was glad they had soft seats to their dining chairs, but by the time we got home around midnight, most of the redness had gone and apart from a slightly warm glow, my rear was back to normal.

What a difference a day makes!

I am so much more cheerful it's as if someone has waved a magic wand over my head.

And I have to include a little addendum.

Yesterday we had a family lunch and I worked flat out to have it ready early as my SIL and her husband were off somewhere else in the late afternoon.

Whilst we were eating and chatting around the table, which was outside due to yet another sunny day, Dan paid me not one, but TWO compliments, in front of everyone!

After the second one, I just sat open-mouthed staring at him, while he grinned back at me, and his sister looked at him completely gobsmacked!  (She knows her brother well, too!)

As one had to do with my age and appearance, and the other had to do with my cooking ability, I was rendered speechless.  I have never, repeat NEVER, to my knowledge anyway, been paid compliments like it in front of any members of is family. Not ever!  And it was sooooo nice!


  1. I think you must be a fly on the wall in our house. It all sounds so very very familiar.

    So glad he complimented you in front of family. Very nice. I must say Ray does do that all the time bug the rest of it is a page out of our book of life.

    1. Sunny - I couldn't wish to be a 'fly on the wall' in the house of a better couple!

      I did tell him later how appreciative I was of his compliments. I just hope he makes a few more from time to time.



  2. I'm glad you're feeling some better, I sure haven't been much help to you. Being down in the dumps myself I haven't been talking much. Please don't ever think I don't care. I guess we all muddling through at the moment.

    1. Hi PK!

      Well, I was feeling better when I wrote this, but now I am down there with you again Gal! There is nothing to be said other than we are so prickly with each other that we need a good break - fresh air and fresh places. This holiday cannot come quickly enough! But I am sorry you are feeling down, and I'm sending you lots of hugs and friendship.



  3. Hang in there Ami...I know it is stressful but Dan will have the biopsies and all will be proven good. There are still many healing thoughts and prayers coming his way.

    Sending lots of healing energy and prayers for your daughter and soon to arrive grandson. LOL Your son in law's attitude is just a bit on the funny side. ;)

    Relax and have fun on your holiday.

    Put your hand on the wall and slide it up as high as you can...repeat that 10x at least 2-3x a day...this will help stretch the muscles and keep your should from locking more until you get back and have the procedure.

    Dang woman...a whole 9 months? should both be experts in TTWD now shouldn't ya...after all, you both were perfect husband and wife after 9 months of marriage weren't you...knew each and every one of the others quirks, likes, dislikes, hot buttons...didn't step on any toes, push any buttons, etc.

    Silly's a step forward/two steps are both learning and there will be backsliding and missteps on both sides. Walking away from the dance aka Distancing is definitely a huge misstep!

    Dan is still learning when you are actually 'hiding' and what kind of spanking it takes to 'break' through to you. I would suggest you two have a 'safe' word so that when you are yelling enough, he doesn't stop. And you do need to clue him in as to the "softening, going limp stage."

    BTW...Dan did know that it had been 9 days not two weeks.

    Sorry dear but I had to laugh at the description of the OTK fiasco and Dan's "But, Ami, I'm the strong silent type." had me ROFLMBO!

    Hang in there two have quite a bit of stress going on in your lives. You will get through this!

    Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts your way!

    Hugs and Blessings,

    1. I can't get (to quote you) my cotton picking hand up the wall dear Cat! Waist height is all I can manage. Groan!

      The grandson hasn't yet made his appearance, and we are both dead on our feet. My mood has plummeted yet again.

      I will do my best to hang in there - but it is difficult!



  4. The carnival ride analogy is so perfect. I know your life is challenging just now. Pretty soon you will be relaxing.
    You have such a great ability to see the humor in a situation. I love the otk image as well. Why not the side of the bed? Could Dan sit on the side and you go over his lap and the bed? Comfy even if your but is reddening!

    1. Yes Minelle dear, and I think I just fell out whilst on the downhill run! Snippy and snarky again today and not a sign of relief, just an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. Oh dear. Roll on holiday - and baby grandson!

      Going over the side of the bed isn't an option because of the wooden surround. You band your shinbones on it if you kick out. And Dan can't swing because on one side is a wall and on the other side is a built-in wardrobe, and he likes a "good swing"! No wonder they use straight backed dining chairs in all the stories! But don't even go there!



  5. OMG Ami you had me giggling again through the whole post. I'm sorry I know it was a hard time for you, but you always do make it humorful, and that shows your character :)

    I love My Big Fat Greek Wedding, so does H, he says they remind him of my family, my dad is the head of the house, or he was, and we're all loud, and love to cook, and eat and have family parties, and talk over each other, poor Balu, he doesn't know what to do with himself when we have family gatherings lol

    I also loved your fairground analogy, it's so fitting. But also you should remember that some of those rides may look so nice and interesting, and exactly how we want our ride to be like, but in reality, when we do change to a ride that's not meant for us, it will be a big bumpy, and scary ride, and it ends up thrwoing us off track, leaving us to go back to our own ride, having to start all over again. No one is perfect, even the rides that look fab, have loose screws, and bumpy corners, it's just that sometimes the shiney look about them, covers the less than perfect structure of it, making them an illusion, rather than reality.

    Nine months of TTWD, and you're not perfect yet. I say pitch forks at the ready, if you're not perfect by now, we should get rid of you, I mean the rest of us are now perfect, and got this thing down to a Tee. Haven't we??? Seriously, please show me the perfect couple round here, me and BAlu could learn a few things, as the ups and downs of our ride has me throwing my guts up every few weeks.

    I so laughed over your OTK problems, we hardly ever do OTK, I just manage to slide off his lap, and turn and twist, making him fall of the sofa, trying to catch me and pin me down. He actually once said he needs a third arm, one to hold down my legs, one for my arms, and one to spank with lol Yes the idea of being OTK is more personal for me too, but it just doesn't work out and I most of the time get my ass spanked laid flat on the bed.

    Hang in there honey, the ups and dowsn are there no matter what path we're on. I find that these bumps in the road help us to grow and learn from each other, and situations. I know it's hard to see at the time, but when the storm blows over, and you look back, I'm sure if you want to see the growth, you will. Dan is trying, and he hasn't forgotten, he knew exactly how long it has been since the last time, as he said he's the strong silent type, he processes things differently, and reaches the stage of needing to deal with a situation at a different pace to you, Balu is exactly the same. Balu says just because he's not dealing, it doesn't mean he's not thinking about it, it just means he hasn't decided how best to approach the problem.

    I'm sorry I haven't been round much for you recently, life is just so hectic at the moment. But please do know I am here for you, anytime you need a chat or even a rant, I will make the time :)

    Hugs x

    1. I know Missy, it is soooo funny and once I start laughing I can't concentrate or get into a suitable head-space, and all he does it laugh on and off all the way through, so it had to be over the foot board for that very reason.

      We have often thought a third arm would be a good idea. I do literally try to imitate the breast stroke and swim away on and up the bed! He has to pull me back of pin me down, and that can make everything a bit disjointed.

      However, another storm has now blown in, and I just feel pretty hopeless. I just wonder whether he will ever "think and act" a bit quicker as at the moment there is a complete standoff. And that isn't good for either of us.



  6. Hi Ami, this all sounds a bit like our home this week. We too are thinking onboard ship is going to be impossible, I know I will need it too. I am a very bad holiday maker :((
    I have absolutely no advice for you but if you want to chat I don't leave till Friday . I am glad you are feeling better at the moment, long may it continue. We can't do otk either, I always feel so huge!!
    love Jan.xx

    1. Thanks Jan. But I am back in the doldrums once again. Snarky and nasty and we now have a kind of stand off situation. The holiday can't come soon enough from my point of view.

      We are back and forth to our daughter's as our new grandson is imminent and she keeps getting pretend labour pains that stop, and we get home, and they start up again. Sigh!

      Have a great holiday Jan! We will be thinking about you!



  7. Ami, you are the queen of communication! You go girl. lol.

    Our husbands would get along like a house of fire. The teasing, the chuckling, the way they know soo much more than they admit, even the looking at property on islands. Seriously, what are they thinking?

    I loved how you kept after him and even in moments of frustration stayed stubborn and told him what you needed. That guy is going to catch up someday.'s a position to bug him to try, just in case you haven't. I hate it...but I like it. I know you know what I mean.

    He can sit on the edge of your bed. His upper leg/knee needs to be straight and our bed is too high so MM has a big dumb block of wood to put his foot up on. You can then bend over his one knee and put your top half on the bed. You get that over the knee closeness without any stress on his "dead" leg and it should be less stress on your shoulder too. Rose Paddle will work just fine. ;)

    1. Susie, I shouldn't be giggling, but I am! I am so thoroughly in the doghouse! And I know our next session, whenever it comes is going to be a tough one. The problem with our wretched (it's lovely really) bed is that it is a sleigh bed and has wood running along the sides that sticks out a good couple of inches. That means that if you lean anywhere along the sides, and you kick out (as I do when the swats become hard ones) you whack your shins on the side of the bed.

      However, I will ask if we can at least try your position. Wish I was only 5ft 2ins and weighed only 7 stone and then I wouldn't have to worry, but at 5ft 7ins it's a challenge, and although I am steadily losing the odd pound here and there, I haven't yet got back to the weight I was ten years ago, which was just fine. (I have 10lbs to go!)

      Dan won't be pushed, and I can only 'suggest' and hope that one day he will do it all on his own. But today is a good example - I was very snippy and bitchy to him this morning, and I really thought he would say he had had enough and over the knee with you, but he didn't, he just got bad tempered back at me, and now we have a stupid 'only talking politely to each other' situation. We've never been like this with each other before, and I wonder whether this 'increased communication' and 'showing our real feelings' to each other is precipitating some bad attitude on my part, and even a little on his part. Only time will tell. But if I am right, tomorrow could be yet another barnwarmer!

      I love the idea of a block of wood!!! We have lots of logs in the woodstore! LOL!

      In fact, come to think about it - we have a WOODSTORE! LOL! LOL! LOL!



    2. Well I'm not sure how much 7 stone is exactly, but I am 5 foot 2 inches and OTK is still difficult, so we mostly do OTLap. Most likely because Barney is only 5 foot 7 or so, so it is all relative my friend!

      We aren't in the best place either across the pond. I know it is due to the tremendous stress we are under~ sound familiar? You are right, a baby and a change of scenery will do a world of good for you. Try, try, try, not to focus on what you *think* you need from him to make things better. I know easier said than done. Sometimes *that* doesn't work if you put all your eggs in that basket hoping it will. Things will improve my friend, they always do. Hold on to that faith, and put one foot in front of the other.

      Many hugs,

    3. 7 stone is 98lbs. Mostly we do OTLap as well. It seems the easiest way around here.

      I know, I know, what you say makes sense. I always bay at the moon, and it doesn't bring it any nearer!

      Thanks for all your reassurances!



    4. 7 stone is 98lbs. Mostly we do OTLap as well. It seems the easiest way around here.

      I know, I know, what you say makes sense. I always bay at the moon, and it doesn't bring it any nearer!

      Thanks for all your reassurances!



    5. 7 stone is 98lbs. Mostly we do OTLap as well. It seems the easiest way around here.

      I know, I know, what you say makes sense. I always bay at the moon, and it doesn't bring it any nearer!

      Thanks for all your reassurances!



  8. sorry to hear for your struggles but am glad you reconnected with one another and such great insight and humor you have shared. thanks. I feel as though I have not been fully present out here but please know I am thinking of you and sending hugs...

    1. Oh Terps, thank you. You have been present in my thoughts, especially when I look at my orchids! And the petals are now falling from the pink one!

      Hugs back,


    2. Oh Terps, thank you. You have been present in my thoughts, especially when I look at my orchids! And the petals are now falling from the pink one!

      Hugs back,


  9. Hi Ami, sorry that you are having a difficult time, but this too shall come to pass! I just posted about perspective and some photos that at first glance seem to be one thing and then after a second look they are another. Men and women are like that. We observe the same thing and see things differently...go figure huh!

    Well, my point is when you are feeling needy, ignored and taken for granted, Dan I am certain, does not understand why you are feeling that way. Like y'all Nina and I have been together for over 36 years and I am still clueless at times how she feels. Doesn't mean I disagree with her, or I think she is wrong, I just did not see it from her perspective. I am sure the same is true for Dan.

    Sometimes she can get me to understand and other times she just gets really frustrated with me! I am guessing you can relate to that! LOL

    When you are feeling down and out, no matter what in the world is going on, Dan loves you and you are his treasure and always will be. So just try to be patient, and eventually he will understand what you are talking about.

    Hugs and Blessings

    1. Sorry to be late getting back to you George but we just got back from our holiday. I thought about you when I took some of my photographs! Unfortunately I am more of a 'snappy' type of photographer.

      You wrote such lovely comments. I think it is very true that people who have been together as long as we have (you know what I mean! lol!) do get frustrated from time to time and have their ups and downs, but we know each other so well that it helps us get over the 'bumpy' bits.

      Our holiday has worked its magic and we are much more in 'sync' with each other now. It's good to get away just the two of you occasionally isn't it?

      Many thanks and many hugs


  10. Hi Ami, I'm sorry I am late to this.

    I'm so sorry you have been under such stress. It certainly must be maddening having the biopsies postponed and the situation with your daughter and baby worrying. Sending positive energy and prayers. I hope your shoulder settles down soon too.

    I like the fairground analogy. it is so apt to the ups and downs of this lifestyle. The highs seem higher and the lows lower. Ttwd is almost non-existent here at the moment.

    Good on you for persevering and telling Dan what you needed. I'm glad you got the release and connection you needed. How wonderful to be complimented in public too :)

    Hang in there! You have had more than your fair share of stress lately. I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing well deserved vacation.


    1. Sorry to be late answering but we are now back from our holiday and in a much better headspace.

      I hope you are doing better now and just don't feel you have to rush things. I learned a lot whilst we were away. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and it is good to stand back and consider before you rush back into the melee.

      Many hugs


  11. Keep communicating Ami. Maybe you guys need to set up a weekly schedule? He doesn't quite 'get' what it does for you, that it is a need not a want that you have entrusted him with. That taking care of you in this way (and others) has become essential. Keep talking!


    1. We mostly have a weekly schedule, but sometimes events and life in general do their best to conspire against us.

      We are now back from holiday and I think it was the best thing for us. Just to get away together and talk has done us a power of good. I think we had begun to forget just how important "deep" communication is, regardless of how uncomfortable it can be.

      We certainly will keep talking.