Tuesday 3 November 2015

Side Effects

When I first read 'Fifty Shades', my mouth was mostly open with wonder, anticipation and incredulity. I'm not sure what the percentages were. My heartbeat increased in line with my excitement. I know that much.

As I read, I kept giving Dan furtive glances. I suppose I was trying to imagine him in the role of Christian. I can remember licking my lips and realising that I bite my bottom lip just like Ana. Apparently, according to Dan, it is something I have done all my life.


I think I was wondering how it could be that there was this alternative lifestyle that no-one had ever told me about. A lifestyle so far removed from what we had, that it sent my senses reeling. 

It wasn't the sex. Okay, Dan doesn't suspend me from the ceiling, or tie me to the four corners of the bed. But we have pretty hot sex, 


and we always have had, in some shape or form. We still laugh with a certain couple, who we have known forever - I grew up with her, lived across the fields from her, rode horses with her - and we are Godparents to each other's children. We used to have this joke, and still do, about leaping off wardrobes, or sliding down banisters. Silly, huh, at our ages?


And let me remind you, Christian Grey and folk like him didn't invent such sex. They only brought it to the notice of the public. Or at least, P L James did.

But the spanking part. I thought the only available spanking in such circles was performed by female dommes dressed in leather and wielding whips. 


Silly me. If only I had known earlier. After all, you do need a certain amount of flexibility for certain things, and sadly, as you grow older, your flexibility diminishes somewhat.


Spanking for us, now that I am happily in the know about it, and have seen fit to ensure that Dan is also in the know, has made a difference to our lives that I never foresaw.

The effects have been like ripples spreading out from a stone cast into a pool. They go on and on, and instead of lessening, they grow in strength, forging a bond between us we never knew would exist.


It's not all been a walk in the park. The going has been tough from time to time, and no doubt we will continue to have those moments when nothing goes right, and spanking is pushed to one side because neither of us has the time or the inclination. But the fact is this, we cannot do without it, and if this inadvertently happens, we both suffer withdrawal symptoms, and it is such a relief to return to what has become our normal way of life.

What we hadn't anticipated were the side effects of the spanking lifestyle. I suppose all I could think about in the beginning were questions like How often? How hard? When? and Where? Should I enjoy it? Should I hate it? Should Dan enjoy it? Ha!


Initially it was very difficult not to guide; to direct; to control. I expected Dan to understand all the intricate detail, regardless of the fact that I was the one who had done all the reading, all the research. Suddenly poor Dan was meant to be Superman, Flash Gordon and every other superhero you can think of, rolled into one.


Well. He is not. He never will be. And for anyone expecting their husband to change into one of these figments of the imagination, they will be very disappointed. I soon learned that life, and spanking, do not supply instant superheroes.

But not to fear. It is better than that.

Instead, we have the bonus of the side effects. And wow!

I suppose this is where I could do a quick SWOT analysis. Or I could try to divide them into benefits and disadvantages. But I would not  know where to begin. Each day brings these side effects, and they constantly alter and evolve.

Everyone who looks at, and considers, the side effects of the spanking lifestyle will have different ways of looking at them, and different reactions. All I can do is give some examples, and how Dan and I react to them.

There are the obvious side effects like pain and reaction to pain, (such as kicking your husband in the jaw, or as in one case I seem to remember, a wife who bit her husband in the leg). 


I am a wimp, I freely admit. Unless I get a steady build up (warm up) to pain, I squeal loudly and you would think, if you happened to be passing our bedroom window, that a murder was being committed. Yet some of our fun spankings have resulted in broken implements. So I leave you to draw your own conclusions from that.

Hard spanking is something I can take or leave. 


In the disciplinary sense, I can happily leave it. I am never allowed to do so, and it is something I do not enjoy. Luckily we rarely need to venture into this territory any more. The remedy has worked!

So that brings me on to crying. It is a subject people often skirt around, but I like to meet these challenges head on. I may address it in another post, as it has been a while since I remember reading much about tears. I personally think a good cry is good for you. Dan will happily tell me to let it all out. He used to be terrified when I would burst into loud wails and uncontrollable sobs. But now he knows it is not only my reaction to being paddled for something I am ashamed of, but also it acts as a release valve for my pent up stress and emotions. (I sometimes cry because it hurts too!)

Dan much prefers giving me hard good girl spankings,


instead of having to redden my butt to remind me to check my smart mouth. Nevertheless, on the occasions when I do have a good cry, it is recognised as part of the process, and nothing to feel concerned about. 

Spanking gives us both a renewed vitality.


The side effects we never knew about when we started out, are that we eat better, have better sex, and sleep better when a significant spanking, of any variety, has taken place. It brings serenity and harmony, it relieves stress, it causes us to care more about each other in so many ways, even when we are apart. It's become symbiotic.


The latest side effect or offshoot in the Starsong household is that Dan has started giving me four or five harder spanks on the rear end if he feels my snarky side is gaining the upper hand. Particularly when in the kitchen. He delights in backing me into a corner and walloping me over my jeans sufficient to get an apology and a squeak. (You should hear the squeak - it's a sound to behold!) I tell him that one day someone is going to be in the process of coming to our backdoor and then he will be caught red-handed. Literally.
For those of you who are new to this, and may be struggling a little with letting go. Just do it. Let the cards fall where they may. You won't be sorry. We're not.

23 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post. It a realistic look at most people's "50 Shades"....it has to work for the two involved....and the benefits can be so unexpected. Yeah for you and Dan.....
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks, Abby! For once the side effects are good ones! And I always did like nice surprises.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  2. Oh, Ami! You have nailed it, Friend. First of all, I never expected that Sam would ever gain as much as I did. Those side effects you write about here. He has grown into the role and perhaps has created his own version of a super hero. At least he is my hero. He doesn't need me to guide him anymore. Sam knows when and what I need and what he needs.

    Some days our happiness is so big, it boggles the mind. When I am not with him I ache for his touch. When we are together, it's hard to let each other go. You are right. Things do not remain static, and the change in both of us is also unexpected. The evolution is not something that can be controlled. That is the letting go part.

    Loved this post, Ami!
    Ella

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    1. In a way, TTWD is like learning shorthand. Suddenly it clicks! I know just what you mean when you say that some days 'happiness ' is almost more than you can handle.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  3. Terrific post Ami. Happy for you both.

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  4. Wonderful post Ami...you and Dan have figured out what works for the two of you. That's what's important. So happy for you!

    Hugs and blessings...Ca

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    1. Thanks, Cat. Although it took us a while to figure it out, we got there in the end.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  5. Hi Ami, lovely post, we too have discovered lots of lovely side effects with ttwd. Hubby has just had a week off and we are now chomping at the bit for his retirement and we have two years to go :(
    love Jan,xx

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    1. Hi Jan! Thank you! Two years will soon go. Then just think!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  6. Hi Ami, You certainly summed up TTWD and the side effects which it brings. Lovely post. so happy for you and Dan.
    Hugs Lindy

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    1. Hi Lindy!

      I think it's so important to emphasise the good side effects. TTWD has most certainly worked wonders for us.

      Thank you.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  7. Hi Ami, this is such a great post and well said. The side effects of ttwd are wonderful. I know I was amazed by the benefits it has brought us, many of which were unexpected. So happy you and Dan have also discovered some wonderful side effects :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz,

      It's funny how these things go. Sometimes not in the direction you expected, but even better.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  8. I loved this post. That's probably all I have to say because you summed up so many wonderful things in it. Symbiotic - yes! It has to be.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Thanks, DelFonte! When you think about it, symbiotic is so good. Some poor folk seem to have parasitic relationships - and that is terrible. We are the lucky ones!

      Hugs
      Ami

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  9. Dear Ami,

    What a lovely post. I was smiling reading through it. The side effects are wonderful for both. Makes me happy you are so happy.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Thank you, Ronnie! For once we can have side effects that spread happiness and good feelings everywhere.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  10. Love your post. You spoke about a lot of things that mirror my feelings and/or our way of life. Isn't it nice to be able to spice up the marriage, discover new things that you enjoy, and not worry about all the other stuff that other think.

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    1. I am so pleased. I think many of us feel this way, but at first I was quite bewildered as to why I felt this way. Although I wish I had discovered it earlier, I am so very glad Dan and I are able to enjoy these beneficial side effects. Thank you, Blondie.

      Hugs
      Ami

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  11. Such a lovely post my friend! I think it's perfectly reflective of a great loving relationship. Instead of growing apart you both have grown toward one another. TTWD works beautifully for you because of the intuition and communication you work on.
    Now--- I am beginning to forget the side effects of spanking!

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  12. Hi Ami, It's so good to read accounts like yours. We're 9 months into TTWD, and I vacillate between "oh wow, look how far we've come" and more impatient and less charitable thoughts. Now that I think of it, the first thought is usually on days after a good spanking the night before, and the other ones when my spank tank is running dry... Hmmm. Case in point?
    Cheers from the southern hemisphere, Willow

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