Monday 22 July 2013

The Three Ps - Prelibation, Pre-emptive, Preventative

Life goes on here with the usual stresses and calm interludes to be found within a normal family.  Sometimes the scales tip more towards stress than calm interlude, and that's when the hair flies!



Most of the time we are happily jogging along, busy with our own work and interests during the day, and sharing time round the table (eating of course!) with our children, family and friends in the evenings and at weekends.  In fact, we seem to be temporarily inundated with parties, barbecues, drinks and nibbles, suppers and lunches.  With us, it is either feast or famine.  But I think the good weather has brought out the urge to entertain in everyone, and long may it continue.

It doesn't do a great deal for my waistline, nor probably my liver, but it's such fun to sit outside till late in the evening, dive-bombed by billy-witches and watching the bats take over from the swallows in the sky around the barn roofs.  The conversation can cover everything from septic tanks, to the quality of the forthcoming harvest, and the algae on our horse-ponds to the speed limits through the villages.  And the most important thing is that we all laugh loudly, and a great deal!

But sometimes, as I am sitting joining in often completely ridiculous conversations, I wonder what my friends would say if they knew about my Starman and I.

This last week my bottom suffered a couple of pretty intense spankings.  From my point of view anyway. 

The spankings in themselves weren't a surprise, because they were quite definitely of the "beneficial" variety.  It was just the intensity that sort of took my breath away.

You all know by now that my mouth has a tendency to launch into conversation, without engaging brain.  Paired with my impatient temperament, this does nothing except antagonise Dan, and cause him to start sending me "warning signals" by way of looks and eyebrow raising.  (And to think he once told me he couldn't raise an eyebrow!)

The scales were tilting dramatically towards "stress overload".  Dan had another hospital visit, we had six estate agents booked to look around the barn, and I, having decided to retire, had a garden party planned for the rest of the staff the first Sunday after I had driven out of the school gates for the last time.

So you see, a huge culmination of stress.  And Dan dealt with it as only Dan can.  My come-uppance came early one morning (around 6.30am!!!) after a particularly restless night (see Lillie's Blog - she has nights like this too!) when I may, or may not, have inadvertently kicked Dan in the ear as I climbed up on to his side of the bed to open yet another window, high up in the side of the barn, in a vain attempt to let some cooler air into our room.

He woke me from sweet dreams to ask me, not to go get him a cup of tea, but whether I preferred the walnut salad server or the bath brush!





I was immediately on high alert!

I knew I was stressed out, exhausted beyond words, flippant in speech, and temperamental in action - and several good, and well-meaning(??!!) friends (who shall remain anonymous - but you know who you are, and if I ever catch you,  just you wait!) had even threatened to email or telephone Dan and tell him it was time he dealt with the situation.  But to have to choose either a hard bit of walnut or an even thicker bit of bath brush, at 6.30 in the morning, is a bit tough on a girl surely?!  He did say he was going to have a very busy day and we could leave it till the evening, but to have that hanging over me all day, no way Jose!

I chose the walnut salad server.  It hadn't seen any use for ages, and I cannot abide the bath brush!  How you people cope with wooden paddles, is a complete and utter mystery to me, and one which I am not planning to solve any time soon.

To cut a long story short, the spanking that ensued had me in tears by the third stroke and sobbing my socks off by the sixth stroke, and apologising and promising the world by the tenth stroke.  

I also had a considerable warm-up session first with his hand. Did I mention before that his hand seems to have toughened up miraculously?  It doesn't feel like the same hand he had when we started, and I wonder if he has had some secret hand transplant and omitted to tell me!

I sobbed so loudly that at one point Dan stopped, rubbed my back and asked me if I was okay.  Now what he thought I was going to reply to that, heaven knows, but he must have been satisfied with my mumbled answer because he carried on for a minute or two and then ended with his classic series of rapid staccato swats to the tops of my thighs and that nice little crease where thighs meet cheeks, until I was practically gasping for air.  I couldn't breathe and I couldn't think, let alone say anything.  

But that spanking was therapeutic (and I had to tell those rotten friends that they were right!) because I felt the stress simply flow out of me with the tears, leaving me limp as a kitten but so happily curled up under Dan's armpit that I could have stayed there all day.

Fast forward three days.

Now before I continue, let's just discuss the issue of bruising shall we?  

One very fair skin plus one 75mg aspirin a day equals bruising.  

I remember the first time Dan spanked me with an implement - I thought he would never spank me again!  I even tried to hide the bruises from him.  Now he will even rub my butt cheeks with arnica for me!  (Note to those who may by now be completely horrified - these bruises generally only last a couple of days or so, but they look extremely dramatic at the time!)  (Second note to same - husbands change, alter and evolve!)

So, after the salad server spanking (Triple S?!) I stood in front of my full length mirror with my head craned around like a stork, and made gasping noises at the sight of my sit-spots, the lower half of my bottom, and the tops of my thighs. I slathered on the arnica like it was going out of fashion.

I think I must be a very strange person, because I always enjoy the '"afterburn" of a spanking.  I rarely feel sore for more than a few hours and the redness is invariably gone by evening (if it is a morning spanking).  Only the bath brush gives me any deep achy discomfort, and our hard, wooden kitchen chairs cause me no more than a passing squirm or two.  Occasionally three.

My problem is that it is summer!  So therefore summer is associated with swimming, and swimming is associated with swimsuits and bikinis and all things minimal.  Hah!  Now you have it!  Believe me, my sort of bruising is not the sort you can easily pass off as an accident when viewed from behind!



So, three days after this spanking I am going out of my mind with preparations for my garden party come retirement lunch.  The words "headless chicken" would not do justice to how I was acting.  Starting one task, leaving it to attend to another, seeing yet another en route and starting that one as well!  I sat at lunchtime having a breather and regarded Dan as he munched his way through a salad (I had prepared earlier!) and discussed garden furniture, which we have very little of, ours having been winkled away by our offspring.

I had a whole ham cooking on the stove, the ironing board was in the middle of the living room and I was ironing linen tablecloths that had been creased in the airing cupboard, a lemon cheesecake was half finished, and we were sitting surrounded by groceries just delivered by the local supermarket!

Dan was eyeing up the bottles of Peroni beer and wondering whether he ought to have ordered double.

I was thinking about spanking.  Yes, you heard.  Me. Thinking. Spanking.  !!!!

I was sitting there, not concentrating on my lunch, or all the myriad tasks I was half way in to, but wondering whether I had enough courage to ask Dan to spank me.

I think my main worry, aside from the actual humiliation of having to ask for one, was whether or not he would agree to give me one.  After all, I wasn't asking him for a few playful swats.  What I wanted was to be spanked before I transgressed.

It brought to mind a story my grandparents used to tell a very long time ago, about the daughter of a gypsy who was being sent to the local alehouse with a jug, to bring back some ale for her father to drink with his supper.  A passer-by noticed the gypsy spanking the child quite hard on her bottom. Yet when asked why she was spanking her child before she had done anything wrong, the gypsy replied that she was simply saving time.  She knew the child was going to trip up and break the jug and spill the beer.  So this time she thought she would get the spanking out of the way before she even went. 

The question is, of course, whether I had the nerve.  And what happened.  Don't forget this is wimpy Ami you are talking to, with a quiet, patient, "Are you okay?" husband. 

Would Dan be able to add to those bruises, or would his common sense prevail?  Or would my common sense prevail?

I think this is where I leave you to wonder.







35 comments:

  1. Just what every gal wants to be asked at 6:30 in the morning lol! I love entertaining too and we have big families and friends all over who tend to stay for days at a time when they visit...super fun, but oh so stressful! Good thing our guys know just what to do when we start spinning:) I hope that you had the nerve to ask...sometimes there's just nothing else that will do to relieve the tension!
    p.s. - what are billy-witches Ami??

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    1. It was so early! Of course I blame the sun shining through our curtainless windows! The moon has the same effect when it is full. It wakes you when you would rather not be awake!

      I will include an explanation of Billy Witches in my next post!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  2. I think you need a spanking for teasing us.

    Hope the garden party was a great success, I am sure it was.

    Wooden implements of any kind are not my favorite.

    I'm with Tess, what are billy-witches (mosquitos, perhaps)

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    1. Ha!

      It was lovely, and the sun shone which is strange for the UK when you have planned something months before.

      The jury is out at the moment on the subject of wood v leather. Now I know what a leather paddle feels like the thought of a belt horrifies me. But I agree that wood is horrid too. Maybe a feather would be the best? Then again, it wouldn't have the same satisfactory result.

      Explanation of Billy Witches in the next post - definitely not mosquitoes!)

      Hugs

      Ami

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  3. Oh I understand the bruising. I have random bruises and I'll forget entirely how I acquired them. Those on my cheeks, I remember though, lol. :)
    Hope your party went well!

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    1. The party was a great success thanks.

      Glad I have someone else to sympathise with over the bruising situation. I wonder if you still use your hairbrush after you bought a new one? I never replaced mine! Maybe I should. It was a lot better than the bath brush!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  4. Omg I started reading this and laughed all the way through now I'm late making dinner :(

    I really don't believe you when you say you're a wimp, a lot braver than me, at 6:30 in the morning I would have agreed to sell my should to the devil to get out of being spanked haha

    But I agree with sunny, you should get spanked for leaving this post unfinished, now that I'm late making dinner, thank god we don't own any wooden salad spoons, but a dreaded bath brush :(

    Hope you got what you needed at the end ;)

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    1. I think 6.30 was pretty hard to take. But then again, can there really be a good time for a spanking? LOL!

      Tell you what - I have a surplus of wooden spoons, but I can tell you quite emphatically that walnut is very hard and shows no signs of breaking!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  5. I think you gulped a got your spanking, if not you deserve on for leaving us hanging. I rarely bruise..I consider that good news/bad news.
    hugs abby

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    1. Well you are very lucky you don't bruise. Except that Dan sometimes sees the bruises appear as he is spanking me, and that makes him back off a bit. So it's six of one and half a dozen of the other.

      You'll have to wait and see.....

      Hugs

      Ami

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  6. Ooh Ami, did you ask him? I would have so I bet you did. Gosh bruises on top if bruises, I don't think I would like that. I hate wood too:(( Hope you had a nice party
    love Jan.xx

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    1. May be I did and may be I didn't....

      Do not go there! Bruises on top of bruises...wowie! owie!

      Party was great thanks.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  7. Dear, dear....dear! You definitely needed the spanking! I bet you also asked and received the last one. Sunny is of course correct...YOU NEED SPANKED for leaving us hanging.

    BTW I hate a certain purple bath brush myself!

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    1. Yes, well be careful, I just might identify you as "one of my good and well-meaning friends"!

      I always laugh at your bath brush. And purple! For goodness sake, who on earth chose such a colour?! Don't tell me - I already know!!!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  8. Gosh haven't heard billy-witches for a long time.

    Hope the garden party went well.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Thank goodness at least someone has heard of Billy Witches. There seem to be plagues of them this year due to all the good weather we've been having.

      The party was great thank you!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  9. Oh my.,..6:30?? That is entirely too early to decide between salad server and bath brush. I'm with Missy, I would probably do anything to get out of it :)

    Did you ask him?? I always have such a hard time asking. I always worry he will think I'm a nut or something. BUT, the few times I've asked he has had it in his head I needed it anyway. Just like here with your party, I usually need it when I'm having people over. I love it but get SUPER stressed preparing.

    Hope all is well.

    Hugs,
    Tricia

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    1. 6.30 was an awful time to be woken up with such a question! And to have to decide between an implement that leaves you completely numb, or an implement that leaves spoon-shaped red marks, and quite a few bruises, all over the place, is a tough decision to have to make.

      This is the first time I have felt the need to ask for a "proper spanking". You'll have to wait and see what transpired.

      The party was great and apart from gigantic thunderstorms all night, everything is good.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  10. 630 in the morning is never a time to wake up. I'm glad it took away some of the stress, but did you ask for the next one??

    Callie

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    1. It is a horrid time to be woken up, especially for a spanking. Now you'll have to wait and see.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  11. glad you had some stress relief

    teasing us, though, and leaving us to wonder???

    Hugs

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    1. Of course, ma petite! That's what Amies do!

      This stress relief thing is very strange - I wondered who first discovered it?

      Hugs

      Ami

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  12. Oh my goodness...6:30am? Since I am not a morning person, that question would have received an answer of "stick them all where the sun don't shine" which would have gotten me a very hot bottom!

    But your 'anonymous' friends were right weren't they...huh...huh...yup, think they were. ;)

    Did you ask for and receive the last spanking? Bet ya did...you know you needed it.

    BTW I agree with Sunny and Minelle...you definitely deserve another spanking for leaving us hanging!

    I'm sure your garden party was absolutely lovely.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Yes, I'm afraid your bot would be hot! And just you read the reply to Minelle above about "friends"!

      Maybe I'm practising "cut off points".... Ha ha ha!!

      The party was great thank you. Can't believe it is all over and I won't be going back in September. I don't think it's sunken in yet.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  13. Oh goodness Ami, what a question at 6.30am? I'm afraid my answer at that time of morning would definitely have got me into more trouble! I'm so glad to hear you got the stress relief you needed. Sounds like you have had so much going on!

    Hope the garden party was a complete success. I'm sure that it was knowing your hostess talents.

    Leaving us handing? I agree with the others. You deserve another spanking for that!

    I bet you did ask for the second spanking.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. For you - it would've been about 6.30 in the evening, LOL! Know what you mean though. It was a bit of a shocker! But at least he knew I needed it and administered accordingly.

      The garden party was great, and lovely weather too.

      Huh! All these spankings for doing a two-part post! I may just go and sulk!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  14. I'm with you, I don't like to be spanked in the early morning. I don't even really like to do anything when I first wake up. Waking up is enough of a task. My husband has only woke me up once to spank me. Another time he was setting the alarm 15 minutes early to spank me the next morning before work. (My husband has to be at work at 5am) I asked him to please not spank me at 3:45am, so he got up and spanked me that night. My husband really looks for every reason not to spank me, so things are slow in the DD department at my house. I'm glad your party turned out lovely. God bless you and all you love, -Belle L.

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    1. Hi Belle, how are you?! This getting up early business is so awful, but at least at the moment it is still getting light early. The winter is a nightmare.

      You have a good husband there, because when you do get spanked, you know he has deliberated over it! Slow is good. The tortoise always beats the hare!

      Thank you, the party was good - I'm saying no more at the moment...

      Hugs

      Ami

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  15. Oh dear, Ami!!! :).

    A cliffhanger??? You left us wondering? Yep- Dan have at her!!! Lol! Did you do it?

    I'm glad that your party turned out the way that you wanted it to! Did you serve Pimms #1? My new fav drink I think! Thanks to someone I know!!! <3 and all the best on your retirement!

    As for the bruising and bathing suit thing- yep we have recently dealt with that. I was so self conscious the other day when I first put my bathing suit on. I kept asking Rob if he could see anything. Luckily no. I am away (he comes weekends) with family, and so there is limited spanking lately, which is helpful with this now. Bikini- um not on this bod though!!! :)

    Oh I so understand those times when you just know you could use that help. I do the same thing- get COMPLETELY distracted from everything, leaving a wake of incomplete projects toward a goal, while in a fog and a stressed out tizzy! Rob usually spots the trouble and that darn spatula...! This is SO hormonal. Waking at night, sweating like there's no tomorrow when you are all dressed up and out for a nice dinner, for instance, getting distracted from a distraction, etc! Yes- just like Lillie and you attest to. UGH!!!

    I will wait to hear what you did! Hugs to you, Ami- oh and I'd pick the walnut one too!

    <3 Katie

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    1. Katie, there was so much Pimms I am off it for a bit! In fact, the very mention of Pimms at the moment....

      It's a so and so for those of us who bruise! I cannot think of anything to do about it. I've already had to explain to the Doc on one occasion that I slipped and sat down hard on some rocks! It does not matter a bit what sort of body you have (and you are tons slimmer than me!) it is lovely to wear less when it is hot. On the continent they don't care at all! All shapes and sizes and ages wear bikinis! It's great!

      The being hot at night is the worst! I can testify to that!

      Hugs

      Ami

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  16. Ahhhhhhh, a cliff hanger!!!!

    Hope your party was wonderful! Congrats on retiring, what an accomplishment!!!

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    1. Too right!

      The party was great thank you. I cannot possibly tell you the relief of retiring. But now I find I have so much to do that I don't know where to begin.

      Hugs

      Ami

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  17. Is it wrong to hope he spanked you? I mean really, Ami - now this is going to bug me!
    I have never (to my recollection) been asked for my preference in spanky things, but I think I may have chosen as you did....a bath brush seems a formidable weapon.
    Waiting to hear the epilogue.
    hugs
    lillie

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  18. Oh and Congratulations on your retirement!
    :D

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    1. Lillie - if ever we meet, and I sincerely hope we will one day, I think I will rope Ian and tie him to a fence post just to keep him away from Dan, because I would be terrified about all the hints he would feel obliged to give Dan! I am beginning to think that husbands who narrow their eyes and think a lot, are the worst in the spanking stakes. At the time I think we are way out there on our own little island, but then he ups the stakes! Drat the man!

      Never ever be tempted with a bath brush! Mine is exactly like the one in the picture, and it looks so innocuous hanging next to the shower. Now why would you have a bath brush hanging next to a shower?! Exactly!

      The only thing I can say in its favour is that you eventually go so numb if he spanks on the same spot several times, that you tend not to care either way. But if he moves around! Help! It is formidable! Yet I cannot tell what is worse, the leather paddle when swung in a huge arc, or the bath brush when used more carefully but for longer. I'm just glad at this stage that Dan hates belts! You have me in awe there, every time you mention it!

      Thank you for your good wishes. I am now going to do all the things I always wanted but couldn't, like making a patchwork quilt, more writing, going on holiday outside of peak season, doing more gardening etc etc.

      Hugs

      Ami

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