Thursday 24 January 2013

Ami's Brush with Maintenance!

Starman is back and I am happy again.  In the past (not so very long ago) I looked forward to the times when he was away.  But not any more.  I felt quite disfunctional.  It reverts back to the "Zeiltanzers"  or Rope Dancers.  I need that rope to be tight and  secure.  I no longer feel the need for lots of slack!  

We often get too reliant upon others.  To cut the umbilical can be difficult.  Will we sink or will  we swim?  Can we manage to reinvent our own identities, or do we have to somehow retie the knot taking up the slack and binding ourselves closer together?

Starman and I are friends.  We've been together for a very long time measured against some of the marriages around these days.  (I was once asked by a woman I didn't know, what husband I was on?  Was he my second, third, fourth?  She was stunned when I told her he was my first and only!)  We both have strong and often differing opinions, expressing them quite fiercely from time to time.  We've worked together as well as having our own specialisms.  Yet before Dd we continually pulled in different directions.  We danced towards the same objectives, yet danced out of step much of the way.  We stood united against the rest of the world, yet niggled all the time when we were together, often disagreeing on the smallest of detail.

The rope was nearly worn through.  It was so badly frayed that I am amazed it didn't suddenly snap.  We stumbled over the loops many times.  To acknowledge that the umbilical does not, in fact, have to be cut, is like suddenly seeing the sun appear from behind the clouds.  All becomes clear.  There is no need to reinvent our identities, just get rid of the loops, and tighten up.  I'm discovering that the tighter I am bound to Starman, the freer I feel, the more liberated I am!

*****
Starman was dreadfully tired after his trip.  He worked for three days advising strategies to high-powered men in large companies, then drove over two hundred miles during rush hour in order to get home.  He hadn't phoned me before setting off, which is something he usually does.  As time went on I became more and more anxious.  He's a good driver, and the car is one of those with vorsprung durk technick, but I needed to check that he was okay, so I finally cracked and phoned him.  The phone rang and rang.  Just as I was losing hope, and thinking that I was going to have to get the police, fire and ambulance services out, he answered.

"Oh," he said.  "I was asleep."

"Asleep?"

"Yes.  I was so tired I pulled off into a service area and closed my eyes for a minute."  

I could hear noises in the background.

"I must have been asleep for around half an hour.  I didn't realise.  I'll get on my way now."

"Oh, well as long as you are alright.  How far are you from home?"

"I estimate around a hundred miles or so.  I should get back 7.30 ish.  Maybe 8."

I said goodbye and we finished our call.  I was so relieved.

It led me to think how important it is to let your other half know of your whereabouts when away from home.  Especially on longish journeys.  He had proved to me that I can trust him to drive safely.  But now I know that goes for me too.  If I trust him, then he should be able to trust me.  

I'm much better since the start of Dd at remembering my mobile when I leave the house.  And I'm much better at recharging it.  There hasn't had to be any threats or warnings.  And now there definitely won't have to be, because I have learned a lesson from this.  Trust is there for both of us.

He was home, as he said he would be, around 7.30.  He looked grey with tiredness, but he said the little rest stop had worked wonders.  

Needless to say we simply relaxed in front of the TV after supper, and for once Starman wasn't late coming up to bed.  He did his usual stroke, stroke, pat, and then went out like a light.

I woke as usual around 7.30 and pottered downstairs for our usual tea/coffee.  I put Starman's mug down on his bedside table and then sat in bed leaning against the bedhead drinking my coffee.  He was still snoozing.  I eventually put my mug down and slid back down under the duvet.  

Eventually I rubbed his leg.  "Don't let it get cold," I reminded him.

He struggled upright and reached for his tea, then he slid back down just like me.  We lay there in companionable silence for fifteen minutes of so.

I knew it was Thursday.  I lay thinking about what Thursday had come to mean to us.  (Last week it was Wednesday, but hey, what's a day between friends?!)  Starman looked so weary that I was determined to stamp down on my emotions and not mention a thing.  He simply didn't look as if he had the energy.

WRONG!!!

He turned on his side and reached over (you've guessed it) going straight for the boobs.  (And yes, Mount Everest again!  Only two of them!)

"Hmmmm."

"Hmmmm?"

"Hmmmm" he repeated.

I didn't dare say 'Hmmmm' back to him because it could have led to a completely 'Hmmmm' conversation.

"It's SPANKY THURSDAY today!"

You could have heard a pin drop!

I gulped.  "Well I didn't want to remind you because I knew you were tired."

"Actually, I hadn't forgotten.  I don't need reminding anymore."

He was now rubbing my hip.

"I'm going to give you a choice."

"OMG, this is like one of these stories I spend my time reading" I thought, the hairs standing up along my arms and at the back of my neck.

"A choice?" I croaked.  My throat suddenly went dry and I had to reach for my glass of water that I always keep at the side of the bed.

"Yes" he said.  "We'll play it differently today."

My heart was hammering.

"But we've had a good week, haven't we?" I was still croaking despite the water.

"We have" he confirmed.  "But I've been away for three days of it.  So I was thinking. (Oh bugger, he was thinking!!!!  Is that bad?  Is that good?  What do I do?!!)  I'm going to let you make the choice this morning of what you would like me to spank you with after I've worn my hand out."

(Fellow sympathisers - just what would you do in this situation?!  In fact, have you been in this situation and never warned me about it?!!!  Shame on you all!!!)

I remained silent, too stunned to comment.

"Well, I'm waiting" he prompted me.

I managed a nervous giggle, swiftly trying to consider my options.  We were alone in the house so noise was not an issue.  My brain had atrophied.

"Why don't I get them everything and put it here for you to choose?" I asked, thinking he would take the bait without any problem.

"Oh no you don't" he told me.  "If I'm meant to be HOH, then within reason, you have to do as you are told.  And this is within reason."

Is it? I was thinking.  Oh help!

"Off you go, and fetch something over here."  He wasn't to be bargained with.

I slunk out of bed in the chilly air.  I have heard of wives dragging their feet across the bedroom, but I never expected it would be me.  This wasn't even discipline.  At least I didn't think it was.  At that moment I would never have dreamed of uttering the fateful words "whatever"!

Now fellow sympathisers - I had made a new purchase at the end of last week, in my quest for something a little less noisy.  But we hadn't been able to try it out.  

I had been in the local branch of a well known nationwide chemist's shop.  I was buying hair conditioner.  I had glanced sideways and a whole rack of a certain implement had caught my eye.  I don't possess one.  I use a comb with wide-apart teeth.  And when I dry my hair I use one that is barrel-shaped with spikes that stick out to hold the hair.  Have you guessed yet?

a hairbrush

What did you say???  I can't hear you!!!

A HAIRBRUSH

Yes.  A sturdy type made out of wood, around 4ins by 5ins.  Very lightweight.  Nicely made.  Looks totally innocuous sitting on my chest of drawers.  No one will ever know...

I have read about these items of dread in hundreds of stories of spanked school girls.  I have seen pictures of them.  I know for a fact that a certain little person here has also just made the exciting purchase of one!  I have also read that someone in blogland has a silver backed one that she swears is quiet.  So how loud could it possibly be?!!!

I returned across the bedroom, climbed back on to the bed, and kneeling, handed it to Starman.

He grinned.  

He didn't say what is this, and why have you bought it.  He actually grinned.

Now I knew to be nervous!

Starman loved it.  I could tell from my first glance at his face.  I knew what he was thinking.  Believe me, after all these years I know my husband well - and his sense of humour!

He spent the next ten minutes trying out that hairbrush in other ways entirely!  I never knew a hairbrush could be so versatile!  And I hope your HOHs read this!  Because you all deserve it for holding out on me!

Anyway, I digress.

The time had come.  Starman positioned himself comfortably against several pillows placed against the bedhead, and motioned me over his lap.  By this time I was weak with laughter, so a went all jellyfish like.  He helped my bottom into position.  I had almost forgotten the intended use of the new acquisition.

He started slowly, gradually warming me up and encouraging me to relax.  He has learned to quickly about this aspect.  I willed myself to relax, my face, as usual, pillowed on my arms.  He carried on for a while - they were smarting now, but nothing I couldn't handle.  I'm getting used to it too.

Then WHACK!

My body arched upwards and if I could have crawled forwards off his lap I would have done. I felt my legs bend at the knees and kick upwards.  I couldn't stop them.  It was reflex action.  I shrieked some expletive of another, I can't remember what.  And anyway, it was too late because another hefty smack landed hot on the heels of the first.  If anything, it was the noisiest implement we had tried yet!

I told him in no uncertain terms that I felt that all hairbrushes should be taken out and burned.  I told him that it hurt like hell.  I told him that I'd really rather like him to stop, that this was only meant to be maintenance after all.

He didn't listen of course.  You know, I think he was well into it.  

I was still trying to crawl forwards but his left hand was firmly on the small of my back.

This was not sexy.  This was not turning me on.  

This bloody well hurt!

At one point the spanks got a little to high up and I had to ask him to spank lower down.  He was apologetic, and said he had wondered about that.  But he didn't stop!

"I can't cope with this" I managed to shriek.  "This is the most painful thing I've ever endured.  If ever you see fit to really discipline me, this is most definitely the thing you need to use.  In fact I'll make you a promise here and now.  I will be so good you will never, ever have cause to discipline me.  Not ever!"

He slowed and began rubbing in between flurries.  My eyes were wet, and I think one or two strokes more and I would have been in floods.  But I was so stunned by the pain of it that all I was trying to do was escape.  My usual compliant self had emigrated to Australia!

He put the dreaded object down and resumed the use of his hand.  

"You should feel the heat coming off this thing" he told me.

"My bottom isn't a thing" I replied, trying to shift about a bit.

He lifted me to my elbows and knees, still across him.  He was laughing again.

"Okay, your bottom.  I didn't know bottoms could glow."

He landed several more swats.  But these felt like velvet after the Horrible Hairbrush.  I shall refer to it as the HH for ever more!    

Gradually the swats died away and my bottom became the target of more exotic ministrations.  

After a certain interval (nudge nudge) we were lying side by side and he was extolling the merits of the HH.  "And just think," he was still laughing, "it can sit there without anyone even suspecting.  That was really clever of you to think of that Ami.!"

I wasn't going to tell him that you lot had inspired me.  In fact, you lot are very lucky I am still speaking to you.

But later on, after was had had a late breakfast, and I had showered, I puttered along the landing to his bathroom.  

"Look" I said lifting my robe.  "There's not a single mark.  Just a bit of redness.  And although it was uncomfortable sitting on a wooden kitchen chair, it wasn't unbearable.  I can't understand it, because it was an experience I don't want to repeat any time soon."

He laughed yet again.

"You're still redder than you think" he told me, and carried on shaving.  "And anyway Ami, you have to agree that I gave you the choice.  It was your decision.  You can't blame me!"

No, I thought.  I have no intention of blaming you.  It's those so-and-sos out there who are to blame!  And if I catch just one of them having a giggle, I shall throw a strop!

You better watch it you lot!!!

Traumatised Ami here, signing off....

45 comments:

  1. OH Ami... lol I'm sorry, but it did make me smile reading about the hairbrush! Notice I didn't say giggle!
    I think it's how you wrote the post... I'm sorry it hurt more then you thought... and glad we don't use a hairbrush here! HA!

    You know... I think Starman is going to get more and more ideas in the future about how all this works!

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    1. You better not giggle, and yes it did hurt more than I thought. I thought that if teenage schoolgirls could take it so could I. Oh my! I would advise anyone considering using a HH to stop and think about what they might be committing themselves to!

      Hugs, Ami

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  2. I giggled, heeheehee. I too bought a hairbrush that never gets used on my hair, natural curls and brushes don't mix well. I like it, but I'm a masochist :)

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    1. Faerie did you say you giggled?!! Well you are definitely on my blacklist. LOL. How can you say you like it? It's beyond me completely!

      Hugs, Ami

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  3. oh....oh my, definitely not giggling here. I have never been spanked with a hairbrush....so I could not warn you....now hangers...those things are deadly. You have been warned!

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  4. I NEVER said anything about a hair brush. Never had one used in that way either..So don't blame me..In fact I've read enough to shriek at the computer when I read you were bringing it to him..

    Sheesh...and to think a few weeks ago you were thinking that spanking was out at your house! lol

    Willie

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  5. I'm not giggling Ami, I'm ROFLMBO...hairbrush? I sure never mentioned getting a hairbrush! Ya shoulda asked me...those things hurt like the devil! You might want to consider 'accidentally' knocking that brush into the trash bin. ;)

    So happy your Starman is home.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. What on earth is this ROFLMBO you are continually talking about? Is it an African state? Soooo, you have experience of the dreaded HH have you dear Cat?! Naturally this is what friends are for! They tell you after the event! Hmmmmm.....

      Hugs, Ami

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    2. An African state? It does sound like that if you try to say it! I think I studied about that place in school. ;) Right now I am ROFLMBO!!!

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    3. Oh come on guys! What does ROFLMBO stand for pleeeeeeease! I can't make anything fit those letters! It must be American secret sign language!

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    4. Hey Ami - ROFLMBO = RollingOnFloorLaughingMyBumOff

      Also remember this one
      Wood is no good
      Leather is better
      But a feather is best

      *giggling*
      Cat

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  6. When you described how you kicked up your legs and ouched...while saying, "you can stop now." That was me too. lol. Not even using a dreaded hairbrush caused my reaction.
    He certainly seems to be moving right along!!

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    1. Never buy a HH Minelle. That is good solid advice. The weird thing is that Starman not only liked it, and liked using it, but he immediately discovered lots of other uses for it! He's certainly going to be moving somewhere if that thing comes near me again in the near future! LOL

      Hugs, Ami

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  7. Anything with wood is going to hurt like the dickens. It doesn't bend. Leather is better

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    1. Well, thank you Sunny. Now I know! But doesn't leather cause welts? If I try leather and find you have been holding out on my I will chase you all the way to China! Hugs, Ami

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    2. I've never had a welt but then hubby may be easier on me. I recommend the doggin bat and a leather paddle.
      I really don't want to be found in China.

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  8. Good Lord, woman - what were you thinking? When he said that where was the feather duster?! Prepare for these things, Ami.....lol
    Hope your bum feels better.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Lillie, I don't know what I was thinking. Just that it seemed to be a nice traditional American implement of spanking. I'm obviously a nutcase as well as an ex shrew!

      Hugs, Ami

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  9. Hehehehe!! Ok sorry, I couldn't resist. Thanks for the warning!!! ;)

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    1. Betsy! You're on my blacklist too now. I can hear you giggling from here!

      Hugs, Ami

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  10. Lol Ami
    I DID warn you lol remember in my post about the "THE STICK" I SPECIFICALLY said it hurts less than THE BRUSH lol
    Sorry did have a giggle. Starman is right he gave you an option, I would have handed him my silk scarf :))))
    Hope your backside is better. We live and learn x

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    1. But MBC, you didn't specifically mention what type of brush did you? You need to spell these things out to me! NEVER GO NEAR THE HAIRBRUSH COUNTER! Then I would realise. And did I hear you say you giggled?!

      Yes, yes, next time, feather dusters and silk scarves. I get it!

      Hugs, Ami

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  11. Oh Ami, I too hate the hairbrush, my husband, on the other hand, loves it :(. Be good my friend. Love jan.x

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    1. Now she tells me! All I can say Jan is that we must shop in the same stores. And I can promise you, I intend to be very good indeed!

      Hugs, Ami

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  12. My husband loves the hairbrush, too, Jan, and I hate it as much as anyone. I did "accidentally" knock mine into the garbage, and my HOH promptly bought another one - then used it on me for disobeying and disrespecting him. I now have to carry it in my purse as a "reminder" of what will happen if I crack up too much!

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    1. Hi Anon and welcome! All I can say is that I would need a huge handbag to put a HH of this size in! I cannot imagine what it must be like to have it used in its 'all out proper capacity'!! Ouch, ouch and more ouch!

      Hugs, Ami

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  13. Oh dear Ami, I'm not giggling ... but I am smiling, but only because of the way you wrote the post. Thankfully, no hairbrushes here, but I've heard enough about them to know they hurt like the dickens.

    Sorry you got more than you bargained for, and hope your tush is feeling better.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Well Roz, I'm glad you are only smiling! I know of no other way of writing than with a smile. Life's too short. To regard these experiences with humour is the best way. But it did go splat and then hurt like the dickens! I never would've believed it in a month of Sundays. My tush was better remarkably quickly thanks. I was quite amazed because I thought it would cause terrible bruising - but not a single mark!

      Hugs, Ami

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  14. Okay, I've never been given the choice of an implement but Ami...a hairbrush...seriously...hoping it will make less noise.

    Clearly you are a curious girl.

    I'm only sort of giggling at you.

    Wood of all kinds hurts like the dickens and yeah, it's pretty noisy too. Sorry about that. Around here is is saved for more serious moments and I avoid them like the plague.

    The good news is that those hairbrushes can break and once they do, perhaps not get replaced. ;)

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    1. Another giggler! Prepare to run! Prepare to be blacklisted! Yes, I am very curious. Crazy I know. I am definitely agreeing with you about wood. Dear me. I hope I never ever have any serious moments, because I actually wonder whether or not I would survive!

      And you are telling me they can break!!!??? So Susie, how hard would you have to spank to make that happen!!!??? Help! I most certainly don't want to find out!

      Hugs, Ami

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  15. Oh dear ami I will so learn from this thank you dear friend no hair brushes in my house no no no. Please feel better soon.

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    1. Yes, yes Cathie dear, do learn from it. Never, ever buy one thinking it's cute! It was a shocker! I was fine again within a couple of hours though, and that is very strange, because my butt was the hottest reddest shiniest I have ever see when I looked at it in our full length mirror. It put Rudolf's nose in the shade!

      Hugs, Ami

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  16. Grins- Daddy uses the hairbrush,quite vigorously, in every spanking,at the beginning, and again at the end. You never head from me that that sucker doesn't hurt, lol.

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    1. "Quite vigorously!" Squeak!!! Every spanking? I hardly dare ask what he uses in the middle?

      Hugs, Ami

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  17. I made the same mistake. My husband complained that his hand hurt after our first session. So, being a considerate wife, I purchased not one, but two hairbrushes. Big mistake. Live and learn.

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    1. What? An oval one and an oblong one? Oh dear, you slipped up twice as badly as me! Live and learn all right!

      Hugs, Ami

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  18. I am definitely NOT giggling, laughing or smirking. The hairbrush is now officially off my shopping list.
    Thankfully Alec is quite happy with his hand and the personal "connection" it makes.
    Happy for you though that Starman is home and the the HH was at least useful for those "other" things.
    Hugs, C

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    1. Hands are best! I second that! In fact I third it and fourth it!!!

      Yeah, the playing about bit was good, but very, very funny! (Roll of the eyes!)

      Hugs, Ami

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  19. Lol :) oh I hate you purchased a new hairbrush too! I use a comb for mine and the girls' hair too.. I thought the hairbrush wouldn't be bad. I never want an actual paddle ever!!

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    1. But Elle, you said it wasn't so bad! It nearly freaked me out! If I could have crawled off that lap I would have done so! Our little pink paddle is soft leather, although if you feel it I think there's a thin layer of wood inside to give it strength. But Starman has never used it but once, and it wasn't 'hard spanking'. So how did you REALLY find the hairbrush? And no, I never want an actual paddle either, and around here, thankfully, they aren't easy to acquire.

      Hugs, Ami

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  20. Just started reading your blog. It's great!! I did giggle a little but Im sorry your bottom hurt so bad :(
    My hubby doesn't use a HH but we have a paddle that is horrendous! Seriously, stay away from them!!!

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    1. Hello Tricia and welcome. I wonder if it's to do with "wood". Although I have it on authority that "silicone" can be just as bad if not worse!

      Hugs, Ami

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  21. Just started reading your blog. It's great!! I did giggle a little but Im sorry your bottom hurt so bad :(
    My hubby doesn't use a HH but we have a paddle that is horrendous! Seriously, stay away from them!!!

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  22. My husband has playfully used a hair brush on me but I am a wimp and he is very gentle with it and he has never pushed me to see how far I can go...but I know it could really hurt...usually he just uses his hands and that is my favorite... :-)

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    1. Hi Terpsichore and welcome!

      Playful is good! I'll go with 'playful' every time! Hands are even better though. Closer and more intimate. Yes, I definitely prefer hands!

      Hugs, Ami

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