Monday 8 September 2014

Falling Down the Cracks

When I wrote my last post, little did I expect to be writing another one so soon. As it is quite long enough, I will write about my post-spanking thoughts and feelings in my next post. Right now, I am still having to process what has taken place.

All I can say is that this weekend has seen quite a dramatic turning point for us, although whether consistency will be maintained, is another thing entirely. Suffice to say, that in our version of the TTWD/DD dynamic, the DD part decided it would tap me on the shoulder and issue a reminder that it had lain dormant for far too long, but I should never forget that it was still there in the background.

Saturday was such a horrible day that I am totally amazed that I am still here. I came within a cat's whisker of becoming just a trail of glittering stardust in the night skies above blogland. 

Remember Willie sitting at the bottom of her well looking up at all the mossy stones and dripping water? 

On Saturday morning I fell off the edge of our road and down into a seemingly bottomless chasm. 




Not a bit of moss or dripping water in sight. Just endlessly vertical rock face leading upwards, with scarcely a glint of light signifying the sky above; no handholds or footholds. Nothing.

It should have been such a good day.



I had planned it all out in my head that I would do my best to explain to Dan that I felt like a swarm of bees was under my skin trying to gain entry to the world, and that I needed him to address the situation. 

But as usual in the Starsong household, Murphy's Law rules.

I woke up early and went downstairs to do the tea/coffee run. I returned to bed smiling and happy. It went rapidly downhill from that point.

Dan sat sipping his tea and made up his mind to talk about our forthcoming move, and what we needed to do in order to make our house ready to go on the market. He wondered where on earth we were going to put 32 years of 'stuff' from our present abode, due to down-housing, and how we were going to tackle all the finances. This conversation was on its eighth or ninth re-run.

By the time he finished both his tea and his conversation, I had zoned out completely; and by the time he suddenly lunged at my bosoms expecting my usual enthusiastic response, the spark had completely disappeared. Instead of reigniting the flame, I felt annoyed and irritated. What I wanted was instant recognition of my neediness, not delicate butterfly kisses. After all, I reasoned, they could come later. 

I sulked big time, and from then on it went to hell in a handcart. 

I won't bore you with the details, but it was the usual "What's suddenly got into you?" followed by "Nothing." snarled back, followed by one of the most heated rows we have had in many a year. 

It became a full blown shouting match, which erupted into a full blown "Why can't you just spank me spontaneously like the other husbands do?" argument and then Dan lost it and said "All these bloody ideas you get from the internet!" So I yelled back that "Okay, if you want to go back to how we were, so be it. I'll take down my blog and we'll return to our uninspired little existence and I expect we will muddle through. After all, we always did. But I just want you to know that when you are like this, it makes me feel that what I want is always dangling up there just out of reach, and it hurts me so much to know that you can't even manage to help lift me up so I can reach it."

We yelled at each other back and forth for a while longer - all the usual topics being aired. It was ugly and horrid. Me crying and Dan raging. Hateful.

Eventually he slammed out of the bedroom and I cried in the shower for the next half an hour. We avoided each other downstairs, him eating cereal and me feeling as if I would choke if I tried to eat anything, and then he went off outside to continue with some hedge-cutting. I stayed inside and put on my earphones and ironed whilst listening to my I-pod. 

My very closest friend arrived ten minutes later and although she must've wondered why my eyes were so red and watery, she said not a word, and Dan came in for a cup of coffee and life calmed down somewhat.

In the afternoon we went out to a hardware store/garden centre to buy some new paintbrushes, a terracotta pot and some new garden tools, and we stopped on the way home at his sister's for a cup of tea. In fact, we ended up having a Chinese takeaway and so we didn't get home until 9pm, and we admitted afterwards that we had really enjoyed our impromptu visit.

If you want a long and successful marriage, you try to get over rows and arguments as soon as you can, apologising and trying to find middle ground. You own up to your shortcomings and you move on.

This was different. I felt thoroughly miserable because I felt I had handled it all so badly. Had I just produced a wooden spoon or a paddle right at the outset, perhaps the whole situation could've been diffused. Hindsight is a wonderful thing in any relationship, let alone in a TTWD/DD relationship. Bloody 'bitch-troll'!

We sat and watched a programme on Catch-up TV, and I went off to bed around 10pm. I am always an early bird going to bed. I like to lie and read my Kindle for a while, and Dan tends to arrive between 11 and 11.30pm - occasionally finding me already asleep. This time it was around 11.45 apparently. 

Rousing from a deep slumber, I gradually became aware that next to me was a bourgeoning HOH determined to have his say and determined that I would hear him. 

I vaguely remember hearing the words "spank your bloody arse" and "what the hell is this?" 



as he dragged up my nightie up around my waist and threw back the duvet, and then I was being rolled on to my front and his hand was landing so hard it almost made my bones rattle.

It wasn't at all amusing at the time. But looking back, I can now see that it did have its funny side.

It was pitch black in our bedroom apart from a little moonlight streaming in through a chink in the curtains, and Dan had, as always, removed his contact lenses for the night. Therefore he couldn't see a thing, and was spanking by intuition, not sight. As I sleep on his right, and he is right-handed, he was using his left hand. But it felt like a plank of wood.

By the third stroke I was crying, and by the tenth I was being bounced on the bed by the force of the strokes like a rubber ball on a trampoline. I began to think he was never going to stop. 

Then he did, and I wished he hadn't. I felt him leap up from the bed and cross the room to our chest of drawers. I could hear him opening and closing the drawers and he finally yelled "Which bloody drawer are they in, second or third?"

I choked. My crying came to a rapid halt and I drew a quick, shaky breath, quite unable to answer, and seriously wondered whether or not I had time to make a run for it. 

Craning my head round in the bit of moonlight afforded by the gap, all I could see was my underwear - froths of silk, lace, cotton and frills - exploding like a volcano all over the bedroom. 




Then there was a muttered "Right" and he was back on the bed and sitting on my ankles.

What followed was my admission to a very exclusive club. I believe the invitation stated "Barnwarmer" and it is a party that I hope never to revisit ever again in my life.  Those of you who already belong to this club will not need a description, and those who don't yet belong are not going to get a description as it is something too painful, both mentally and physically to describe.


Suffice to say I howled and howled. I was trapped and couldn't move an inch, so I just buried my face in my pillow and sobbed. I could not have responded verbally to what Dan was saying; and indeed, I could only hear the occasional word, as panic was setting in and I was wondering, at one point, whether I would survive or not.

Due to the fact that he still couldn't really see what he was spanking, Dan spanked a little on the 'high' side, and at one point I wailed "Too high, too high" to him, and he mercifully gave me a quick three-spank flourish on my right buttock, and stopped.

I continued to cry for a very long time while Dan stroked my bottom gently and allowed me to recover. It wasn't long before his strokes turned to other things, although I hissed when my backside made contact with the bed linen. The security and comfort I felt in his arms was indescribable and gentle, considering what had just taken place between us. 

Strangely, it was Dan who fell asleep first, an arm around my middle, holding me close, and who, having rid himself of all his stresses, had the best night's sleep. 

This is the first time I have ever been woken to be spanked. Dan always spanks me in the mornings, or during the day. Never at night. For me, it was too much to process all at once. I did finally drop off only to wake a couple of hours later with my head buzzing. I got up in the end and went downstairs and made myself toast and had a glass of milk - standing up.

Dan made our drinks on Sunday morning, and we then had another loving interlude before breakfasting leisurely and showering. 

But I was truly shocked when I caught sight of my backside in my full-length mirror. I look as if I have been mauled by a bear, with its claws out. 




Large purple and red paddle shapes cover both my buttocks, most of the bruising to the right, where he could reach better. 

I am walking very stiffly and sitting, even on a cushion, or on the sofa, is difficult and makes me bite my lip. I just can't get comfortable, and I now understand the meaning of the the saying "I'll make sure you don't sit comfortably for a week." It looks most unattractive and I just know my poor bottom is going to take ages to recover. Thank goodness for Arnica.

But I deserved it. I took the "Disrespect" rule and trampled all over it. Perhaps I thought it didn't apply to me any more. Luckily Dan though differently. Once again I underestimated my husband. 

All day long I have been as high as a kite. Strangely, I feel a bit like a newly wed, and I've noticed how caring and attentive Dan has been, bantering and smiling at me. I've noticed that he has given me several small 'requests' today, and ensured I wasn't able to wriggle out of them by staying close and attentive. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

As I said at the beginning, I have no idea whatsoever whether Dan intends to be consistent. I shouldn't think so, although I plan no repeat performances - ever! I have learned the hard way, that prevention is most definitely better than cure! However, I am looking at him with very different eyes, and I fully intend to be better with communicating my feelings and my needs, in future. 

Perhaps, best of all, I didn't have to worry about the lack of hand and footholds in order to climb up out of that chasm. 

I simply floated out.



24 comments:

  1. I get this. And, altho others might disagree with me, i am happy for both of you, it seems to me you both got what you needed. Not that it was easy, for either one of you, but sometimes the road we need to travel is very bumpy..OUCHY, even.
    I hope this 're-set' of sorts, will stay with both of you for a long time...
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (Laughing) I think, Abby, that this will stay with me forever!

      I completely agree with you that it was needed, but it was so very unexpected that I am still coming to terms with it. The road is both bumpy and ouchy - absolutely!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  2. Ami, I don't know what to say except 'WOW'. I know and believe all you are saying and I'm still a little envious. Sounds like he came through and did exactly what both of you needed him to do, regardless of how painful it was at the time. My hope for you both is that he keeps it up - at a reduced level.

    I cannot imagine that happening here, but I suppose you couldn't imagine it either before it happened. Do you have a safe word? If so did you think of it? Would you/ should you have used it? I'll be curious about what happens next.

    Big hugs,
    PK

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No one could be more surprised at this than me, PK. Part of me thinks it is probably a one-off, but on the other hand, the ferocity of it came completely out of the blue, when I thought to myself "Oh well, I tried, but that's that."

      Perhaps because I was feeling fed up and wistful and a bit envious of everyone else around here who seemed to me to be getting just what they wanted, I had closed my eyes to the possibility of it ever happening to me.

      Two days later Dan is still fussing around me and giving me these little "tasks". Very strange. Almost as if he is testing me. I have all sorts of questions for my next post!

      You wonder whether I ever imagined it happening. No, I didn't. That was perhaps one of the reasons I was so "troll-like". I've been quite "bratty" in the past and never had a reaction like this. But this time I wasn't being bratty, I just reverted to my pre-spanked-wife personna.

      No, we don't have a safe word. It is something I have wondered about in the past, but it's never been necessary. In truth, I think that if I asked him to stop and really meant it, he would. I tend to wail that "you're killing me!" instead of yelling "Stop!"

      A safe word was the furthest thing from my mind. My wits were so scrambled due to the unexpected severity of the spanking and being woken from a fairly deep sleep. Even whilst yelling and sobbing, it didn't really register what was happening. Weird.

      Curious about what will happen next? You and me both!

      Big hugs back
      Ami

      Delete
  3. Hi Ami, :)

    I am in agreement with the others. I am happy for you both too. It is amazing how well this all seems to work. It brings one right to the other, instead of away from. It is a surprising tool and Dan was able to get right to it, and make things right in your world- though OWWW!

    Barn burners are no fun. I thought I had experienced a couple of them, until I REALLY experienced one. To be avoided at all costs. And then the bruising bothered Rob. I had to do some reassuring. Sometimes it still bothers him when it happens. Doesn't necessarily seem to stop him much if he has "something to say".

    You have a friend going through the same exact thing with a house that needs to be prepped to get on the market. Like you, we go through it and go through it and go through it. Rob can be a procrastinator at times with these kind of things. I tend to be more the "go-getter". We talked about this this weekend, as we have started to look a bit to downsize and simplify life. Just to see what is out there. We stopped at an open house for fun yesterday, after coming home from the weekend. When we left it had us back in conversation about moving forward. I tend to get a little (a lot) excited and sometimes annoyed. Sometimes respectful can find a little tiny opening in the window and fly the coop. Anyway, it is hard. And it all will be very hard work. We have years and years of stuff to go through, organize, etc. And we are starting today. One room at a time. And like you, we have some things to fix that are expensive, in order to get things in order. We will have to take it one day at a time and see how it goes. Anyway, you know how to find me, and we can commiserate together!!!

    I'm glad that Dan was there for you in the end. Even if it heated up your rear end quite a lot. I am even more glad that it made you feel so much better. I love your floating Winnie the Pooh pic! :) Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barn-burner? Did I call it a barn-warmer? See - my brains are addled!

      We've had some pretty intense spanking sessions, but nothing like this. I would never have believed this in a million years - from other people's husbands, yes, but not from mine. I am still in a state of bewilderment. Definitely to be avoided at all costs. I don't plan to have one ever again! I am just beginning to sit down without wincing. But I think some of the bruising is quite deep down as those bones you have in your buttocks are quite achey. Dan, who usually bothers immensely about bruises, hasn't turned a hair! Luckily the arnica is working well, but my knickers don't cover much of the bruising and it looks so horrid.

      Whew - well if you are going to do the same as us "Good Luck!" I am finding it all a nightmare. The house we are buying is so much smaller. Just right for an elderly couple. (Finger down throat here!) But what to do with furniture and possession from over thirty years?!! One room at a time sounds good to me, and sensible too.

      We need to chat, Katie. I agree.

      Dan and I are really good. I should hate anyone to think we were at odds with one another still. Although the spanking was yucky, it has turned us both around - put such a spring in Dan's step. And now my bottom is less sore, it is making me smile too. I am just glad he finally made up his mind - and simply spanked!

      Many hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  4. Ami, I am happy for both of you, but sorry your bum took the toll of months of want and need.
    Good luck going forward with paring down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Sunny. "months of want and need" indeed! Too right! I am wriggling as I type, but it feels much better today, and at least I can sit once again.

      I think we need all the luck we can get. Isn't it surprising that you save stuff for years for your kids, and then they turn round and say they don't want it after all! Typical!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  5. Ami,
    Yikes! Awakened from a sleep, and spanked hard and long! When it rains, it pours! I love your description of floating the next morning. Dan wants peace and he will have it now, thank you. I hope things are smoother now. We wives never really know when things will trigger an event like that.


    Ami,
    Yikes! When it rains, it pours! I think these Hohs can only take or handle so much, and then they spank. Right? I love that the next morning, you floated and looked at Dan in a whole new way ........ from a standing position! It isn't easy, but you know the signs of melting into his arms.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Believe me, Meredith, I am still getting over the shocked surprise of it. Dan never does "spontaneous" which was one of the points I was getting so wound up about. All I wanted was a little bit of spontaneity though.

      I am definitely seeing Dan in a different light. I don't want to go through that again. I am still processing it. Just can't seem to wrap my head around it. But you are right about the 'melting' afterwards. We are still behaving like a pair of teenagers two days later. Long may it last!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  6. Ami,
    I'm so happy for you! I hate it when moments go downhill and it just gets ugly from there. I am always full of regrets and wishing I would have done something differently too. But yay for Dan who decided to handle it and clear the air for the both of you! So sorry about the barn burner - sounds um, harsh but also that it was so worth it.
    Hope the happy floaty feeling lasts and lasts for you! :)
    hugs,
    Cali

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I could have handled it all much better, but Bitch/Troll took over, sadly, and I become a horrible person when she does. Dan took the only course of action open to him. I can see that now. It was just so unexpected because I never thought he would ever step up like that.

      Now I have to wonder if it was a one-off or whether he will have filed it away in his mind in case future action is ever called for. Sigh.

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  7. Wow Ami a sound bottom warming:) Sounds like you both got what you needed.

    I was wondering same as PK re safe word.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good grief, Ronnie. My bottom isn't quite to used to the heat as yours is. This was the mama of all spankings as far as I was concerned. LOL! (I can laugh about it now.)

      No, we don't have a safe word, but I didn't think about it at the time. I was howling my head off. It's a good job we don't have any near neighbours. Heaven knows what will happen when we eventually move into a village. I am noisy with everything! (Snigger!)

      I think if I ever really required him to stop, he would. But he was not spanking in anger - that had long dissipated. He had had all day to think about the situation. Actually, by waking me up like that the spanking was all the more effective. At least I am managing to sit down once again. For a while there is was touch and go. LOL!

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  8. Well. What to say? What to say? I'll be sending you your Barn Burner Spanking Club Member card?

    Seriously Ami, you know life around here more than many do. I am thinking ( and chuckling to myself actually quite hardily) about your concerns and comments on my Gorilla post. It is quite different living it rather than just reading it isn't it? That is most likely why you also never thought of a safe word during all of this. You WERE safe. I think with Dd (IMHO) we know we are safe and this may end in a bruised bum, but the trust is there inherently with our spouses that getting them to stop out of fear is not necessary. In addition you felt you needed it.

    Will this jelly feeling last forever? That would be wonderful wouldn't it? Will you long for this again~ laugh now but you will. Will it happen like this again? Probably not. You see the mind has a way of remembering the first time with such awe ( as there was awe) that the next time is challenged to a degree.

    I will tell you something about this crevice you fell into, after being there you long to never go back, but for whatever reason, at times the draw can be very strong. Because you KNOW he can step up now and shock you, there are different struggles ( potentially ) ahead. Ah 'tis a tangled web we weave!! But who knows, it took almost 2 years for you to plummet to those depths, maybe it will be equally as long before you feel yourself falling again. I will say the drop has never been 'as' bad as the one you alluded to in your post for me since. But the drops still do happen on occasion.


    But for now.....enjoy. And go forward reading with an entirely new perceptive yet again! LOL

    love willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barn Burner, Warmer, Raiser, Demolisher - who cares! Send me the card!

      Now, Willie, I still do not like ugly bruises that lurk beneath my satin and lace. These are entirely too 'fulsome'! And I have to tell you that there was a point during that spanking when he forced my legs apart and I thought I was going to get an inner thigh roasting just like you, but fortunately, due to lack of light, the paddle just kept landing on my bottom instead. Yes, it is rather different 'living it', but it still doesn't make me think it's attractive. Men just don't think about these things!

      If I really felt I needed a safe word I suppose I would have one, but whether or not I would (a) remember it at the time, or (b) want to use it - who knows. I've always trusted Dan not to go over the top and plan to continue to do so. I was horrible, and I did need the spanking!

      The sitting down is now much more comfortable, but I still have that deep ache which will probably take a while to go. Normally I just love the feeling of a sore butt, but I am not so sure this time. The circumstances were so different. I am narrowing my eyes as I wriggle to get comfortable in my office chair in order to type!

      I wonder whether 2 years is a record? I can't imagine longing for it again though, Willie. In fact, it has taught me to watch my mouth and attitude and be more careful - and respectful. So yes, it did work. But my feelings are still scrambled. I am still coming to terms with it.

      I am not at all convinced Dan will be consistent. But who knows? Perhaps that is the bit we long for the most - the wondering about IF and WHEN? and WHERE? and HOW?

      I will talk about my feelings, but I'm not quite ready to put those feelings into words yet. As for reading with an entirely new perspective - Willie, you know me by now! LOL!

      Many hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  9. I was thinking that if you said STOP and meant it, he would.
    I actually think that you sound so much more relaxed. Maybe it took you a bit to analyze the whole thing, but in the 'end' it did the trick. Sometimes I think we over analyze how we are supposed to feel....especially our guys. However when we look at the results...
    There are some people out here who believe it is better when the real emotions are layed bare during a spanking. That is when your partner has to be worthy of that trust. I think Dan is.
    However start out shrieking, "LOWER" earlier next time....or "TURN ON THE LIGHT so you can aim properly!"

    You know I am teasing.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so much more relaxed! As horrid as it was, that spanking has turned a light on that I didn't even know had gone out.

      Minelle, he always has this tendency to spank too high. No where near my tail bone, fortunately, but he does often go too near my hips - or at least it feels like that. Strangely the crescent shaped bruises FRAME my buttocks (mostly on the right side) in the most interesting way. But so unattractive. Wretched man! I shall suggest the bedside light be turned on if this should ever happen again. And boy did that man sleep well afterwards! He positively snored his head off all night. I thought it was the spanked person who was meant to sleep like a log!

      Of course I know you are teasing! You wait, I plan to have a word with your Scotsman. Be warned.

      Many hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  10. Hey Ami...so sorry you finally found out what a barn burner is...but at the same time, I am very happy that you and Dan were able to clear the air. Next time...listen to me...open your mouth and say "I need a spanking!" Then there will be no need for a barn burner! ;)

    I would love to pack up and move but can't imagine sorting through everything in this house and the basement and the garage! Katie had a wonderful idea...one room at a time. My suggestion...as you pack up, write on the box (or a piece of paper taped to the box) what room the box goes into and exactly what is in the box.

    Hope your floaty feeling remains.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think it should be renamed a "bum burner"!!!

    It was just impossible to ask for a spanking having listened to Dan go on and on and on. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus - right? We could have had the 'house moving' conversation during breakfast, in my opinion.

    When we finally get all the paperwork signed and know the house has passed into our hands, we will probably move some of our stuff. But remember, we still have to sell our house, and we are moving into a much smaller house. I was thinking along the lines of a garage sale. Anyone here ever had that experience?

    If FLOATY means not sitting properly yet - then I am right with you! But things are getting better, thankfully.

    Many hugs
    Ami

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sometimes I declare that men are very complicated creatures, but other times it's pretty simple. Step over a certain line and the spanking button is pushed. It's just a matter of time and it will happen. I think it was Sara's Grant who would tell her that if she really needed a spanking, she knew exactly how to get one. Eeek! When the dust has settled and we can talk about these barn burners, my husband will say, "Had a come to Jesus moment did you?" Men...they are intolerable...and we love them like crazy.

    All I know is that when you take on this new kind of life, there is a certain tension to it which has to be held by both partners. You were clearly in want and when you pressed his disrespect key, something clicked and he'd had enough. He needed it too. I know at times you think that this comes together more easily for other couples but honestly Ami, what you experienced on Saturday is not much different from what happens here when I've really stepped over a line. My husband goes into slow burn mode and can read the signals well enough now to know I'm toast. Like Dan, MM hates bruises...but he makes no apologies after these kinds of spankings and if I whine about being sore, his usual retort is "good." Sigh.

    The attentiveness and closeness after, the walking on clouds feeling...this is special and I hope you can find a way to tell him how much it means to you. It's what I call feeling cherished and the more it becomes a part of everyday, the closer we stay to each other. I can't say that I enjoy being so careful about respect, but boy oh boy...these are not the kinds of spankings you go looking for. I hope it doesn't happen to you again anytime soon but that you still find a way to stay closer to your happy place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought I knew Dan better than his mother. LOL! But now I wonder if I have only scraped the surface even after 37 years. Good grief that man packs a wallop!

      I miss Sara very much. We had developed a 'first name, perhaps we can meet up when we next come to the UK' type of friendship and she always laid it on the line to me, yet was never patronizing, although she had so much experience with Dd. I even had one or two very kind emails from Grant. Then she just disappeared. Just like that. I do hope she is okay as she went (or rather, they went) through some very tough times.

      Susie, if you have had lots of these barnburners, my respect for you is up there in the clouds. I honestly didn't think I was going to survive it at one point. But I have. And I am honest to be able to admit that I am now looking at Dan in an entirely new light, and that in the first couple of days afterwards we were very close indeed. It was a major reconnection for us, so what can I say?

      When we first started Dd, this was all I dreamed about. Then as time went on, everything kept changing, and Dan is not a man to be rushed - at anything. I suppose I didn't really think, not deep down in my heart of hearts, that he would ever decide to 'take me in hand' like this. I am still a bit overwhelmed.

      I love your description of 'slow burn mode'. I think it is something I will have to remember to keep an eye out for. I now have a healthy respect for that blessed Rose Paddle and will never view it as just a little stingy 'play' implement ever again! It is plain vicious and I can at last see why Ronnie says, to quote "That bugger hurts like hell!"

      I am glad you have had similar experiences - that sounds bad, as if I am glad you get spanked and I don't mean that - but that you understand all the things that led up to it and how it all suddenly ignites the flame in our men.

      I still have residual soreness, but it is nearly gone, as is the bruising, although I think the arnica helped no end. When I think back to how worried he used to be about bruising and how nonchalant he was after the event on Saturday night. All he will say is that it was long overdue. Hmmm.

      I think I can understand what you mean about feeling cherished the more it becomes a part of everyday, but I am not sure I want to be spanked on that scale on a regular basis. I'm not sure at all. I do feel ashamed when I get that nasty unkind disrespectful streak, though. Why do we get like that? He doesn't get like that with me, so why am I like it?

      I still need to do a post just to talk about my 'feelings' during and afterwards. This spanking has had more impact on me than just the paddle on my bottom. I wonder whether others feel the same way the first time, or whether I am just being a bit sensitive.

      Many hugs
      Ami

      Delete
  13. Hi Ami, oops a daisy, what is that saying about being careful what you wish for?
    I hope you are sitting more comfortably now, and good luck with the downsizing.
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops, most certainly! Now I know what it feels like, I hope I won't want one of those for a very long time! If ever!

      As far as the downsizing is concerned - we'll see how it goes, but I expect I shall earn a good few "Ami, go get the spatula!" spankings. We'll see. LOL.

      Hugs
      Ami

      Delete